Seeing a happily married couple is a good feeling. One assumes they have a nice family home to go back to after work where their children would be waiting for them eagerly. Children too would be contented living with both the parents and getting a healthy and normal upbringing.
After divorce all this changes. The family breaks apart suddenly. Partners have to move out of their family home. Children get to live only with one parent. There is a division of marital property among the spouses. The husband has to pay maintenance to the wife so that she can support herself. Different family members take differently to the new situation they find themselves in. Women face unique problems of their own after divorce.
Financial Issues
One of the biggest issues facing women who have separated from their husbands is financial. Women compared to men are family-oriented, not job-oriented. That is why even when women already doing jobs get married, many prefer to leave their work and become full-time home-makers. Quite a few keep continuing with office career till they have children.
Almost every woman prefers remaining at home for a number of years to devote herself totally to the upbringing of their children. Thus, the career prospects of women take a major knock after getting married. However, their peers at office jobs have meanwhile moved on in their careers and accumulated more experience. This is why after divorce women find it difficult to re-enter their careers. If they get a job, it is much less paying than what their former colleagues would be getting.
If the husband is not paying sufficient maintenance to a divorced woman, it becomes very difficult for her to meet expenses, especially if she has children. She not only has to fend for herself, but also has to ratchet up enough money to meet educational and other expenses of children. Then there are other things like house rent, grocery and payments to the baby-sitter.
Psychological Issues
Divorce gives rise to not only financial issues but emotional issues too. Separation from one's spouse and break-up of the family can rattle anyone's composure. Women, being more family-oriented, take this especially hard. They may get enveloped in negative feelings of guilt, remorse, anxiety, insecurity about future, and depression.
Some take to alcoholism while others have to take professional counselling to come out of their condition and lead a normal life. They may become listless and suffer from a general lack of interest in everything. Children too sense this change in their mother and become disturbed or insecure as she is their only anchor left in life.
Bringing up Children
After divorce, child custody is usually assigned to women because children are considered to have a stronger bond with their mother than their father. Single parenting raises issues of its own. Presence of both the parents is critical for the normal and healthy upbringing of children. Fathers have their own role to play in a family. They offer guidance and discipline to the children along with a sense of security and protection to the entire family.
Boys especially need their presence. Staying with their mother all the time will suppress the masculine side of their personality. Women have to be very careful bringing up children alone. They also have to play the role of father to them. Boys should be encouraged to mix with other boys of their age. Also, single mothers have to take care that children are well attended to while they are at office doing their job. Kids should not get a feeling of having been abandoned.
How to Cope
Single mothers cannot bring the kids up in isolation. They should join a single-mom's club and share their experiences with other women who are living the same situation. Friendships are struck at such clubs and women learn to help each other in an emergency or taking care of other's kids when their mother has to go on some urgent work.
It is also important for single mothers to take care of their health as single-parenting can be quite hectic and exhausting. A good diet is very beneficial as well as occasional self-pampering at a salon. The more social you are and the more friends you have to interact with as a support network, the easier it will be for you to cope with the after-effects of divorce.
Divorce nowadays is becoming very common especially among the Western world. In these countries, according to statistics, every second marriage is today ending up in divorce. Moreover, the surprising fact is that more than 70 percent divorce petitions are actually filed by women. This shows that women feel more dissatisfied in their marriages than men.
Going for divorce can be due to many reasons such as financial problems, infidelity, sexual dissatisfaction, physical and emotional abuse and drug use and alcoholism.
What are Men Looking for in a Marriage?
It has been seen that compared to women, men are generally more satisfied and happier with their marriage. But what kind of a marriage partner are they looking for? Men want someone who is bubbly, has positive attitude for life and can generate a cheerful atmosphere at home.
It is a proven fact that women play a major role in creating a positive and happy ambience in the house. Men like optimistic and not-too-demanding or dominating life partner, somebody who can give them their own space and generally has a positive attitude toward life’s challenges.
Men file for divorce when they are stuck with a spouse who is too obsessive and a control freak and who is always complaining about their behaviour in front of others and frequently insulting them.
Nitpicking and Criticism
Men are very irritated by women who are always finding faults in their behaviour. This type of attitude in the long run has a devastating effect on the marriage.
Men generally have a great emotional need to be taken care of by women. They generally reveal their innermost thoughts to them alone, not to their male friends. Men want somebody to take care of them and to love them. If they have a life partner who is full of criticism all the time, then it generally leads to divorce.
Control-freaks
Women who are control freaks and who want to dominate others are not liked by men. All men want some personal space for themselves and be their own masters. They do not want to be dominated by their wives and explain to them their every little action and expense.
Generally, they look for women who are gentle, polite and caring and leave them free for pursuing their own interests. Women who understand this need of men and give them enough freedom are successful in making their marriage happy and contented, while relationships where the wife is obsessed with controlling men and children do not usually last long.
Inability to Conceive
Every man wants that he should have his own children to carry forward his name and lineage. The urge to procreate is very strong among men. They therefore want women who are fertile and can give them healthy babies. This desire to have children is one of the major reasons why men want to marry.
Men are looking for life partners who are attractive and give the appearance of robust health, which they take as a sign of high fertility. Fatherhood has its own joys and men do not want to be deprived of the simple pleasures of bringing up their own children and moulding them into successful adults. Infertility among women is thus another important factor which can make men to seek divorce and look for other partners who can procreate and help them in starting a family.
Sexual Coldness
Sex is a basic human want and plays a very important role in a man’s life. A good sex life strengthens the relationship between husband and wife and makes their marriage happy. Regular sex helps in making the partners more intimate and caring towards each other.
Sex has many benefits, both physical and psychological. Married people with a good sex life feel better about themselves. If their wife has absolutely no interest is sexually cold toward them, then there is bound to be a problem in marriage. If there is sexual incompatibility and the partners do not feel like having sex with each other regularly, then the relationship often ends in divorce.
Infidelity
There are today many opportunities to have extra-marital affairs due to modern lifestyle. Indeed, infidelity has in recent decades emerged as one of the leading causes of divorce. No man can tolerate his wife having an affair or sexual relations with another man. It is betrayal of trust and destroys the very foundation of marriage. Very few marital relationships are able to withstand an episode of infidelity.
James Walsh has sinced written about articles on various topics from Small Business, Binding Machines and Divorce and Infidelity. James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. If you would like more information on how to get a quickie see. James Walsh's top article generates over 368000 views. to your Favourites.