After a break up, chances are you will eventually meet someone new, decide that you want this new person in all aspects of your life and then be faced with the very real and daunting task of introducing them to your children. Worried and apprehensive you may be, but if approached with some thought and common sense, this should not be too traumatic for any of you.

Make sure it is in fact a serious relationship and not some fling going nowhere. Casual liaisons should be kept as far away from your children as possible. They create confusion in childrens minds and confusion leads to anxiety. Also, what happens when you have met someone that you feel you could make a life with, if your children have seen a line of boyfriends come and go. What happens is they will find it very hard to believe and trust that this new boyfriend will stick around.

Make sure that your boyfriend is ready to meet your children. Does your boyfriend believe the relationship is as serious as you think it is? Get your facts straight before you go off half-baked. If he agrees that this is a serious relationship, then he should understand just how much this potential meeting means to you. You need him onside, there is no point rushing ahead if he thinks meeting your children is premature!

That done, take some time, alone, to talk to your children. Tell them in language that they will understand and are comfortable with that you have met someone who you care for and you would like them to meet this person. Make sure you take the time to listen to their thoughts and concerns, if they raise any, and do your best to answer their questions as honestly and clearly as you can.

The initial meeting needs to be as casual as possible. Avoid the huge fancy sit down meal at your place. That will simply put a load of pressure on all of you and you really don't need that. Instead meet up in a relaxed neutral meeting place. A walk in the park is always a great place. Think about making that first meeting short. If you plan for a whole day at the park and it goes badly, it will seem like a failure. If you plan to meet up for a hour or two, it will seem less pressured and more relaxed. Better still, plan it by ear.

It is a good idea to avoid being too affectionate in front of your children. You really don't want to embarrass them, make them feel uncomfortable and you don't want them to feel jealous. When you introduce your children to your new boyfriend, you want your children onboard, so it is much better to go slowly than to rush in and alienate them. Make sure that no one feels left out of the conversation. If things are going well, perhaps consider leaving your boyfriend briefly with the children, while you go and buy icecream perhaps? But don't go far and don't be gone too long.

Think about your boyfriend leaving you and the children, before you are ready to leave. That way, if need be, you and the children can have a moment to yourself to perhaps talk and exchange thoughts. Whatever you do, avoid having your boyfriend go home with you at this stage - even if he's been there already without the children knowing. Remember the plan is for you to make sure that your children are eased into this new situation at a relaxed and gentle pace.

At some point, you should talk to your children after the initial meeting, but don't force it. Perhaps they have very little to say, it doesn't mean that they have very little thought on the situation. Leave the door open for them to come and talk to you whenever they need to. Reassure them that you are their mother first and foremost, but you have feelings yourself and you will always do your best to be there for them when they need you. Basically, reassure them!

If you follow the steps outlined, adapting and expanding them to your personal situation, if you take your time over this, then you will have a much better chance of your children accepting and welcoming your new boyfriend into your lives.