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Your Online Guide » Divorce Guide » Divorce and Infidelity

[E231]End Of Love Affair
by Robert Huizenga, Rob

These emotional connections often arise at work or in a social context in which working intensively toward a common goal consume energy.

Here are a few observations of the "just friends" emotional affair:

  1. This person often struggles knowing where to draw the line. S/he often throws him/herself into something 100%. Other aspects of his/her life may suffer or be ignored. There often is a lack of personal balance between family, work, self care.
  2. He/she struggles with intimacy. (I want to be close to someone, but don't like intimacy.) The "just friends" emotional affair means neither spouse nor OP (other person) ever get "intimate." Neither relationship is fully consummated or has potential for growth.
  3. Of course the "just friends" comment means either "stay away" or I'm, underneath all this, really confused about where I fit in relationships, what I want from them, or what they mean to me. There is an "emotional connection" to the OP that defies description. A sad kind of "stuckness or lostness."

The lover or "falling in love" emotional affair has a different twist.

The common complaint to the partner is: "I feel badly about this, and I don't want to hurt you, but, I'm not "in love" with you anymore. "I love you but I'm not in love." This often indicates:

  1. This person usually has a need for drama and excitement. Life easily becomes a soap opera. Emotional juice from the fall-out of emotionally intense relationships reigns rather than living life from the core of who one is.
  2. The person 'looking for love' is actually looking for the ideal, someone out there, who will project back to him/her that he/she is OK. No, more than OK, close to perfect.
  3. This person needs to be adored, or think another adores him/her, because there is a lack of inner strength and solid identity. The other becomes my world, because I lack a world. Being 'in love' is the panacea for my emptiness.
  4. This type of affair often occurs when there is a 'lull' in the marriage relationship. The responsibility of raising children, starting and maintaining a career, paying bills, etc. become the focal point for the couple. Romance becomes a foreign word.

There are many subtle differences in affairs. Emotional affairs are only one kind. Once you begin to see and understand the differences, a new sense of empowerment overtakes you embark on a more confident path of resolution.


Cheating in our society has become very prevalent. It's like the white elephant in the room no one wants to talk about. It's nothing new. For as long as monogamous relationships have been around, infidelity has co-existed. Technology, more specifically the internet, has become a double edged sword. It allows us to be more productive, to communicate online with friends, family, and loved ones who are near and far. However, it also allows us to communicate with strangers just as easily. Sometimes this communication starts out innocent enough, but soon leads to cheating and infidelity.

Before the internet, those who wanted to cheat had a tough time communicating with their lover. The home phone was almost out of the question. Even today, using a cell phone is risky. Even if the outbound calls or incoming calls from the cheating partner are deleted, the cell phone bill will expose strange names and numbers to your significant other.

Letters were too dangerous as the written proof of the infidelity could be discovered too easily. Meeting at the workplace was too risky; people at work would know that wasn't your significant other and could blow the whistle. Even meeting at a set place and time was risky because you could get caught by someone who knew that wasn't your significant other.

The internet allows those who want to cheat, a more ample opportunity to do so and not be suspected as easily. The internet has become commonplace in almost every home. It is almost a necessity. Email and internet chat are practically anonymous. Your significant other could easily set up an email account which you would have no knowledge of. There are many places to chat online.

So, it may appear your significant other is spending those long, late, nights doing work. However, they may be chatting with or emailing their lover. The internet would allow your significant other to communicate with their lover, and you wouldn't even know it. You would just presume they were online all night because they were working. Meanwhile, they were typing sweet nothings to their lover, or setting up the time and place for their next meeting.

It is important to understand that not everyone who goes online is chatting to strangers who are potential lovers, or setting up meetings with their current lover. If your significant other is up all night on the computer, chances are, they are doing work. I wrote this article not to raise paranoia or fear, but rather to educate. It is important to realize that the internet may be used to carry on infidelity or cheating right under your nose, and you didn't even suspect it.

If you suspect your significant other may be cheating, it is important to gather evidence. If they are doing nothing wrong, and you confront them with accusations you accomplish nothing. In fact, you will probably upset or anger them because of your mistrust. If they are cheating, the evidence will help when they inevitably deny that anything is going on.

There are many resources available to further educate and help expose the cheating. You can read a review on an e-book which will arm you with every weapon to discover infidelity, including free software which will record all internet activity without your significant other even knowing. That product review can be found at our website. When it comes to catching a cheater, knowledge is power.

Article Source : Divorce Law

About Author
Both Robert Huizenga & Jason Vinglas are contributors for EditorialToday. The above articles have been edited for relevancy and timeliness. All write-ups, reviews, tips and guides published by EditorialToday.com and its partners or affiliates are for informational purposes only. They should not be used for any legal or any other type of advice. We do not endorse any author, contributor, writer or article posted by our team.

Robert Huizenga has sinced written about articles on various topics from Infidelity, Speeding Ticket and Divorce and Infidelity. Dr. Robert Huizenga, the Infidelity Coach, offers infidelity help and relationship advice for coping with extramarital affairs and marital infidelity at:
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