We often get asked this question: "Gee, can you just walk into a family court and watch?" You can. Some procedures, you can. There are other procedures that you cannot. Anything that involves any kind of child services, where there is some sort of abuse or things of that nature, those types of hearings are closed to the public. It would only be the parties involved, but if anything, there are motions and other types of procedures that the public is welcome to attend.
It is an excellent place, first of all, to get to know the judges in the area that you live. One day you may be in front of one of those judges. If you are not involved in the case and you are just watching it as a participant, it is not like watching Judge Judy on television. You are able to at some point be able to predict how Judge Judy will rule on a particular case because she becomes quite predictable.
Judges that you would be watching in the courtroom are much the same. Imagine if you already knew ahead of time when you are going into court and you are in front of a judge that you have been watching and all of a sudden you start to see something happening and you can predict now, "Oh, my God. He did the following when somebody reacted a certain way, so I'm not going to react that way because it was a negative outcome."
It is an excellent place to start training yourself and get a clearer picture of who you are up against. It is also a great place to find a good lawyer because you are actually seeing them in action. You can also whittle away the ones that are not working too well for the people that they are representing.
I think too is that you are going to see fathers who lose, and you are going to see fathers who win. If you see some fathers who are winning, you should be buying them a cup of coffee and pick their brain for their successful strategies.
Most fathers do not talk to one another, they are going through the Family Court / Divorce process in isolation. Most people who are successful, as soon as they got out of the court system, they are done. They just want to forget about it and they do not share that knowledge and because they do not share that knowledge, that knowledge is not necessarily widely available or is not widely available as it should be, but the thing that you have got to keep in mind here is you got to ask yourself the right questions, sort of saying, "Geez, I don't believe anything could be done about this situation."
You have got to ask yourself the question, "What can I do about this situation?" Then you got to get busy starting with going into family court, getting on the internet, going to a site such as ours and looking for resources. If you're not in Ontario, Canada, you certainly can be going on to the web in your local state or your province or the jurisdiction, the district that you are living in. You'll likely find information about family court, family court procedures, the law, and you can begin learning this piece by piece. The things we teach are very common sense ideas that don't require you to understand the law, but how to best position yourself within your facts; how best to persuade others in position of power be it a Judge or a Custody & Access Assessor.
It is not that you will learn it all instantly or that you will become a lawyer as a result, but you will have more knowledge than 95% of the people who walked into court with a lawyer.
Very often, one of the things, clients say to us about their former lawyers: "You know that lawyer was absolutely useless for us. He didn't say this and he didn't say that." Well, that comes down to, if you got 50 clients on the go you cannot possibly remember every fact that you are going to argue about for your client. It's important to work as a team together to reduce overall legal costs.
The vast majority of clients cannot pay for days of studying and researching a case. Most cases do not require that depth, because they resolve in predictable ways that lawyers and legal professionals see every day. This is known as case law or precedent. These are previously decided cases that illustrate legal principles, usually that have made their way up to the appeal courts. And the lower courts, including Family Court are bound by such decisions to an extent
A good advocate is going to be educating his client before Court. They will also include the client in at certain points the discussion with the judge in order to speed the process up. If you got an ineffective advocate, he is not going to be doing very much, just sitting there and essentially letting it all happen. This is another big complaint that we get from a lot fathers is "my lawyer did not do anything."
So, this is why we say you have got to become an active participant in the process. You have got to become educated about family court, learn that court inside out, learn your judges, learn the law, learn the procedure, learn where the photocopier is, learn who the good clerks when you file are and learn who the bad ones are, just stay away from them because you cannot even have problems filing your paperwork.
When you learn the ropes in Family Court, you improve the odds immeasurably for yourself. Especially if you've exhausted your finances and you find yourself without any legal representation.
In the many years I've helped fathers, the ones who have the most success are prepared through self-education. And its very satisfying when I hear that a Divorced Dad wins in Family Court without a lawyer, against his ex-wife's lawyer who thought the divorced dad was a "know nothing".
The truth is this: When you're up against a know it all lawyer who sees you there without a lawyer, they let their guard down and get sloppy.
And that is where a HUGE advantage lies for you, if you do the work we suggest above.
Winning the argument when you're a divorced dad in Family Court is not easy. But it can be done. I know, because I have done it, and have taught others how to do it too. Here's some of what I teach dads like you.
In my last article, I began sharing with you the nine principles from Gerry Spence's book, How To Argue and Win Every Time, and putting them into terms that apply to divorced dads in Family Court battles.
Every divorced dad needs to learn these tools in order to prepare himself to make the most polished sales pitch to the Family Court judge.
I'll recap the first five, then move on to the last four principles.
One: Everyone is capable of making the winning argument.
Two: Winning is getting what we want and helping others get what they want.
Three: Learn that words are a weapon and can be used hastily in combat.
Four: Know that there is a biological advantage of delivering the truth.
Five: Assault is not argument.
Moving along, let's take a look at number six: Use fear as an ally in public speaking or in argument.
It can be scary to be a divorced dad, facing the unfamiliar territory of family court. Don't let the fear cripple you. Instead, convert the energy of the fear and channel it into a positive result. Take your stage fright and convert it into positive energy by using mental conditioning, preparation, and rehearsal.
Don't walk into Family Court with no clue of what you will say or do. Rehearse by standing in front of a mirror or getting a group of friends together to listen to your pitch.
Learning to overcome those natural fears and anxieties means finding divorced dads who have had success. I suggest coming to our weekly calls to learn many ways to succeed in getting others to recognize your important role in your child's life. While it's not a substitute for legal advice, it is a great way to augment that with practical advice from the perspective of fathers who have already had success in Family Court.
In the meantime here's the next principle...
Number Seven: Let emotions show and do not discourage passion.
While you argue your case in family court, stay respectful but do not be afraid to be passionate. You are not fighting for your kids, but waging peace on their behalf. Do so with honesty and peace, and passion. LOSE your anger.
Number Eight: Don't be blinded by brilliance.
In other words, do not get caught up in your own rhetoric. If you get overconfident, you will lose track of where you are going, and you will ultimately lose your argument because you have lost the ability to remain objective.
Number Nine: Know that the enemy is not the person with whom we are engaged in a failing argument, but the lack of vision within ourselves.
A divorced dad's only real enemy is not his ex-wife, the Family Court or even the Judge. The real enemy is your lack of vision within yourself. Stay focused. Never lose hold of the confidence that you can make a winning argument in Family Court.
During my divorce, I wished for a divorce roadmap. That's why we created a weekly telewebcast, to help men like yourself.
If you've lost in Family Court, don't give up. There is always hope. You've likely lost because you didn't understand that winning requires effectively "waging peace" for your children.
If you base your game plan and strategies upon those of successful fathers, you will improve your chances of success immeasurably. You need help from dads who have done what you are trying to do.
Danny Guspie has sinced written about articles on various topics from Divorce and Infidelity, Debts Loans and Divorce and Infidelity. Danny Guspie - Executive Director of Fathers Resources International can help you learn the successful strategies of fathers who have won in Family Court. Join us on our weekly calls at. Danny Guspie's top article generates over 8100 views. to your Favourites.