Attention fantasy football league commissioners, fantasy football league managers, fantasy football league palookas out on the roof hell bent on drafting Tony Gonzalez in the first round, here's the telegram: the North American National Football League Tight End is a conflicted sort of beast. It is asked by their group leaders to perform menial tasks but occasionally are told to dance in the end zone. Don't be fooled by the sun, take your damn umbrella because you never know when you're going to run into a choice bit of calico.

Jermaine Wiggins, Minnesota Vikings, TE- There is no doubting that Wiggins is one of the strangest professional athletes to ever wander around on the fake greens and painted dirt. This is exactly why this humdinger is one of my all-time favorite footballers. This guys body is shaped like an ice box with bizarre appendage's hurtling around the field like a spry kitchen table. In the past two seasons this guy has hauled in over 140 cocktails and he bounces right to his feet after everyone and Wiggins routes are usually about fifteen yards down the field, right in ancient quarterback Brad Johnson's wheelhouse. There's no doubt Wiggins wears sweat suits out in public but don't mistake him for a lollygagger. With tight end happy Brad Childress on board in Minnesota look for more production from this flying disc man from Mars.

Heath Miller, Pittsburgh Steelers, TE- Heath Miller was getting plenty of attaboy's last year as he was an accomplished red zone tight end as a rookie. However, this North American Fantasy Football Tight End refused to hold any yard sales. Look for Milller to rack up a few more yards and pick up a couple of extra touchdowns on the sly now that the Bus is no longer accepting fares into the cushiest part of the neighborhood.

Jeb Putzizer, Houston Texans, TE- I have a feeling this dewdropper was a little freaked out playing for an interplanetary coach in Mike Shanahan. After showing initial promise on the dance floor, Putzhisname ended up sitting in the folding chairs next to the punch. Perhaps a change of scenery will do this lollygagger some good as he heads to Houston with Gary Kubiak. Either Putziwho has something on Kubiak or Kubiak has something on the interplanetary coach.

Ben Watson, New England Patriots, TE- Watson is a rare breed of the North American Tight End. He's a behemoth who can motor down the field like a flivver on the lam. He has big play capabilities and with legend Tom Brady serving his drinks, I'd belly up any day of the week with this potential fantasy colossus.

Zach Hilton, New Orleans Saints, TE- What do you get when you cross Drew Brees and a tight end who is 6? 8?? MAZUMA! BERRIES! KALE! JACK! Who knows if this wannabe whippersnapper is going to be anything like Antonio Gates but it would be worth a shot to see if this bar is still serving even if the lights are out.

Joel Klopfenstein, Los Angeles Rams, TE- While most of the attention is being administered to prom-trotter Vernon Davis, Klopfsumtin is the rookie tight end who could make the biggest impact. Los Angeles Rams head coach Scott Linehan is addicted to tight ends and Klopfensumtin just might be the tight end to keep Linehan from getting the shakes.