Losing weight feels great when you're doing well. It's especially exciting when you have been significantly overweight for a long time and through your own hard work and perseverance, you are noticing the great results of your dedicated lifestyle change. But what if your partner is still struggling with unhealthy eating patterns? This can make things difficult on the home front.
Many clients who come to see me fear that losing weight will change the dynamics of a close relationship. Whether it's with a partner, a sibling or another family member, many people are afraid of changing the status quo; this translates to one of the most common subconscious pay-offs for self-sabotage: 'If I lose weight it will change the dynamics of my relationship. Therefore, I will subconsciously sabotage myself so that I stay overweight'.
There are many ways that a relationship can be affected by one person losing weight. Let's use an example; If both you and your partner are overweight and you alone decide to do something about it, then this may leave your partner feeling very vulnerable. He or she may not be ready to make the commitment to a lifestyle change yet. You, on the other hand, may develop different interests and hobbies based around your new healthier lifestyle that leave your partner feeling left behind.
Mealtimes will change. You will probably be eating separate meals at separate times. While he or she is lying on the couch watching television, you may be out at the gym working out, mixing with new people and making new friends. Typically when we lose weight, our self-esteem improves. Seeing the new, confident slimmer you may leave your partner feeling quite unsteady. He or she may act out this vulnerability in a number of ways; by expressing resentment at your new hobbies and physical activities, and maybe by shutting down emotionally.
When one person in the relationship begins to lose weight, look and feel much younger and fitter and generally feel more motivated all round, this can sometimes leave the other partner feeling left behind. They may already be feeling depressed and disempowered, and your success may exacerbate those feelings. My client 'Janine' experienced this problem with her husband. As she began to lose weight and get a new lease on life, he became increasingly sullen and resentful. Fortunately, they talked it through and she discovered that her husband had noticed the attention 'Janine' was getting from other men as she began to take better care of her appearance.
He could see that she was becoming more attractive and confident in herself, and he started to think: 'what if she leaves me?' 'Janine' re-assured her husband and eventually convinced him to accompany her to the gym. He is now on his own path of renewed health and their relationship is stronger than ever. 'Janine' was very glad that rather than mirroring her husband's initial defensive behaviour, she was able to get him to open up and explain how he was feeling. Communication is the key.
So what do you do if you are afraid that losing weight may change the dynamics of your significant relationship? Do you stay the way you are to avoid rocking the boat? Well you could do that; but that would only leave you feeling disempowered and resentful. Instead, you could make efforts to include your partner. Try out some healthy low fat recipes and invite him to join you. Discuss the economic advantage of eating home cooked meals rather that getting takeaway. Invite him to come to the gym with you.
'Jason' lived with a wife who loved to cook for him. When he started to take care of his body and lose weight, he no longer wanted the lavish meals she used to prepare every night, since they were loaded with calories. His wife felt upset and anxious because she believed she was no longer needed. Cooking his meals was her way of looking after him and showing him that she loved him.
I suggested that she and 'Jason' attend healthy cooking classes together in order to learn how to prepare healthy low fat meals. Not only have they found something new to do together, 'Jason' and his wife are now both losing weight and feeling fantastic. His weight loss journey has brought them even closer together.
There are lots of ways to communicate with your partner and help them to feel included. We are often heavily influenced by the behaviour of our close family and friends, so your good habits will probably rub off onto others around you. Everybody wins! Whatever you do, don't let the fear of your relationship changing stop you from pursuing your weight loss goals. Your relationships can change for the better and you will add several years of life expectancy as a result of your commitment to health and longevity.
How do they do it? You know those suburban housewives who have the kids in tow who look better than you managed to look in your early twenties. Their hair is perfect, their clothes are impeccable, and perhaps the most enviable detail their figures are flawless. These ladies have the same stresses that you have, but they have managed to find a way to keep their bodies in top-notch shape. The good news is that you are about to find out the secrets to how these real life housewives keep themselves in glamorous Hollywood starlet form. We have been able to sit down with Mrs. Lajoie, a real life desperate housewife. As we were beginning to get started with the interview, I could not help but notice how amazingly gorgeous Mrs. Lajoie was. She was not wearing the stereotypical mommy attire, but wore a pair of fitted jeans and a trendy black blazer. Her body showed no sign of having had three children, even though her youngest was just a toddler. My first question to Mrs. Lajoie was how do you do it? "I am always on the go, on the move," she responded. She went on to explain that she walks on her treadmill every day and utilizes the incline feature most often. "One of the best things I like to do is to take advantage of the neighborhood sidewalks with my toddler's stroller. Not only am I getting a good workout with the added weight of pushing my child, but I am also spending quality time with my child and I am getting out of the house. This really jump starts my fat burning capabilities." With all that walking Mrs. Lajoie notices that her legs are toned and strong, which is important when chasing behind a toddler. At this point Mrs. Lajoie takes a quick call from her husband. She smiles as she hangs up the phone. I can't help but notice how smitten she seems after years of marriage. "You seem like a newlywed," I say "is your husband supportive of your me time?" Mrs. Lajoie giggles before answering. "Well absolutely. I mean let's be honest. Men are visual creatures so he loves that I look good. However, it is so much more than that. He loves the confidence that I get from taking care of myself. That self-confidence makes me feel more attractive, and that makes me more attractive to him. Don't get me wrong, there are times that we are both busy and it can be difficult to juggle the kids, but those kids are our life. We both want to be good role models in behavior and health. So we really try to do a lot of physically active activities as a family. We love taking everyone to the park and playing ball or going out for family bike rides." I have to ask, "Has it always been this way?" Mrs. Lajoie takes a minute to think before continuing. This time she speaks quietly and carefully. "Well, no. For a long time there, I fell into the rut that I think a lot of women face. I put on weight. I was really unhappy with myself, and honestly, my husband was unhappy. It got bad. It got so bad that he was going to leave me and I knew that I had to do something to take control of my life." "How do you stay focused with the chaos of running a household?" I ask. "Really, yoga has saved my life. It is a great way to tone your muscles, but it is so much more than that. I find that it really calms me down, and keeps me centered throughout my week." She admits that finding time is a challenge for any mother, but it has to be a priority. If you take some time out for yourself, it will really benefit your family in the long run. "I need some me time to recharge my batteries." she says. "If I get that then I find that my tolerance and enthusiasm is better, which is more the mom and wife that I want to be. Though sometimes it may feel like I'm being selfish I have to remember that by taking this time for myself I'm really doing something that will help me to be a better me." Mrs. Lajoie quickly glances at the clock, and she catches me noticing. "Sorry," she smiles. "I always have one eye on the clock to make sure that I'm not missing anything. You have to schedule things when you are busy and that includes your workouts." Though Mrs. Lajoie has been through her fair share of turmoil, she has taken hold of her life, and now lives the life that many women dream of. "The thing that us housewives need to remember is that we are important and we have a lot to offer. We deserve to take care of ourselves for the sake of our sanity, but most importantly for our families.
Both Sonia Devine & Dorthy Weatherbush are contributors for EditorialToday. The above articles have been edited for relevancy and timeliness. All write-ups, reviews, tips and guides published by EditorialToday.com and its partners or affiliates are for informational purposes only. They should not be used for any legal or any other type of advice. We do not endorse any author, contributor, writer or article posted by our team.
Sonia Devine has sinced written about articles on various topics from Lose Weight, Fitness and Fitness. Sonia Devine is one of Australia's leading experts in weight loss hypnotherapy. Want to learn more about how to achieve permanent weight loss? Claim your FREE Weight Loss E-book here =>. Sonia Devine's top article generates over 12100 views. to your Favourites.
Dorthy Weatherbush has sinced written about articles on various topics from weight loss secret, Health and Fitness. Dorthy Weatherbush has interview countless women, doctors, and health experts and know the importance of dieting with and exercising to maintain good heal. Dorthy Weatherbush's top article generates over 4400 views. to your Favourites.