Our Love is Mixed With Need. Our love is still mixed with a considerable amount of need. Love wants to give. Need wants to take. Sometimes what we are seeking to take is very subtle and requires deep inner inquiry.
Whenever we feel pain, fear or anger in our relationships, it is because we believe that our needs are in "danger" of not being satisfied. When this happens, our "love" turns to hurt, disappointment, fear, loneliness, inferiority, or bitterness, and sometimes, anger, hate, rage and desire for revenge.
How can love become all these negative emotions? It cannot. The simple truth is that our emotion never was pure love to begin with. It was an "attraction" based to some degree also on need.
This does not mean that we should reject ourselves because we have seldom really loved purely. As we are not yet enlightened spiritual beings, how could we? It would be like rejecting ourselves because we do not yet have a university diploma when we are still in the first grade or because we are a flower bud, which has not yet blossomed. It is only natural that we cannot yet love unconditionally. This is our stage of evolution.
Freeing our Love from Need
The first step towards opening our hearts to real love is to accept and love ourselves exactly as we are with all our weaknesses and faults. Only then can we proceed effectively.
The second step is to begin observing the feelings that are stimulated in our transpersonal. Through objective self-observation, we can determine in which situations we love unconditionally and in which we are feeling "loving" with specific conditions. Following are some examples that will help.
Needing Those Who Make Us Feel Secure
We look to others for security. We might seek security from our parents, spouses, siblings, children, employers, friends, ministers, spiritual teachers or others.
We do feel love toward these beings, but often that love is based on the fact that they offer us a sense of security. If they start behaving in ways that obstruct our feelings of security or if they decide to leave or ignore us, will we still love them?
If our employer fires us, will we still love him or her? If our parents throw us out onto the street, will we still love them? Or is our love tightly woven with the need for security?
If as parents we dream that our children will become economically well off and socially accepted professionals, will we love them the same if they become street artists, beggars or anarchists? Some parents will be able to; others will not.
The basic question is whether or not our feelings of love are steady and consistent regardless of the various changing behaviors of those we "love". In each case where we perceive our heart closing, we need to discover what we fear in that situation. What might we believe is in danger? Most frequently we lose our love when we fear that our security, self-worth, freedom or pleasure are in danger.
Only when we have realized total inner security, perhaps based on an inner spiritual awakening or on our faith in the Divine, will we be able to love without security attachments.
Only when we know that we can live without others can we really love them steadily.
Society has caused us to completely confuse this matter. We believe that if we love others, then we must be totally dependent on them and should fear that our world would fall apart if something happens to them. This is insecurity.
This is a lack of awareness of our inner spiritual nature and our ability to deal with life. It has nothing to do with love.
Perhaps this is why the Apostle John wrote, "Where there is perfect love, there can be no fear".
Be sure to look for the remaining the parts of this series:
1. What is Love ? 2. Love or Need for Security ? 3. Love, Pleasure or Affirmation? 4. Selfless Love 5. Spiritual Universal Love
If you want a child to listen to you, you have to listen to her ideas as well. Stand up for children when they are being mistreated or bullied. That action will really make an impact in their psyche. It tells them that they are worthy. Believe them when they tell you something. Don't dismiss a child that tells you something that an adult did or is doing to them. Don't call them liars. Just because an adult said something about them or told you that the child did something. Don't believe the adult over your child without getting the child's side of the story. Also in that situation, don't put the child on the spot where they appear to challenge the adult. Take them to a safe place or a little away from the confrontation and ask them, without judgment, and so they will not have any fear of retribution.
Have respect for their ideas. Just because you think a certain way, doesn't mean that the child thinks exactly like you. Give them a chance to have their own ideas, and let them tell you what is important to them or how they feel.
Access to wisdom: At an early age children can learn to trust themselves if they are taught to trust themselves. If you speak with children and reflect back to them what is going on, I know that they can access their own feelings, and their own wisdom. An easy question to reflect back to them might be ?How do you feel?? ?Does it feel nice inside your belly or your chest?? Does it make you feel happy when you think about this? Help them to begin to trust their feeling and their instincts. They will know that you can be trusted and that you can also trust them, and they can trust themselves. Children need time to process and understand what is going on around them. But they need your confidence in them to begin to evaluate things for themselves. Let know that it is okay for them to have their own opinions and that they can find the answer inside of themselves too.
Accessing inner wisdom is also something that is taught by example. They follow your behaviors of trusting yourself too. They will also emulate your behaviors of dealing with stress, and your take on life. If you are bad-mouthing every person and every situation, children will pick up on this as well. If your built in belief system tells you that everyone is out to get you and people are predominately bad, children will get that with every fiber of their being. So be careful of what it is that you are transmitting to your children.
Balance: is very important for children and teenagers. You need to show them how to balance priorities, and their playtime. Take the time to show them how to do things well and why? Lead with examples of your own life. Balance your own time with them. Balance your work and off time. Encourage them to rest and take needed breaks sometimes. You do the same. If you teach children with love they will respond with tremendous love, affection, attention, and honor. Call them honorable too.
These little adults in the making will grow according to how you nurture and care for them. So start having a relationship now with them and watch them develop into loving beings. copyright 2006 Yoga Kat
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Both Robert Elias Najemy & Katheryn Hoban are contributors for EditorialToday. The above articles have been edited for relevancy and timeliness. All write-ups, reviews, tips and guides published by EditorialToday.com and its partners or affiliates are for informational purposes only. They should not be used for any legal or any other type of advice. We do not endorse any author, contributor, writer or article posted by our team.
Robert Elias Najemy has sinced written about articles on various topics from Self Esteem, Dating and Romance and Web Development. Robert E. Najemy, author of 25 books and life coach with 30 years of experience, has trained over 300 life coaches and now does so over the Internet. Become a life coach.Over 600 free article and lectures at. Robert Elias Najemy's top article generates over 74000 views. to your Favourites.
Katheryn Hoban has sinced written about articles on various topics from self improvement and motivation, Alternative Medicine and Culture and Society. Yoga Kat teaches children's yoga ages 3-6, 7-12yrs and Adults in NJ. The Author of the book DAUGHTER BELOVED and created a children's affirmation CD and an adult affirmation CD. Available for speaking and reached at yogakat@verizon.net or 201 970-9340-. Katheryn Hoban's top article generates over 60500 views. to your Favourites.