Would you consider the possibility that you are the kind of parent who is loving, but still hovering over your emerging adult children? Commonly referred to as Helicopter Parents, this phenomenon is comically described in the movie "Because I Said So." Diane Keaton, starring as the fast approaching 60 year old Mother of three adult daughters, continues her overbearing behavior despite their objections.
Typically raising fewer children today, Sandwiched Boomers have actively pursued an only-the-best policy from infancy on. So far, the twenty-something progeny of Helicopter Parents have reaped the benefits from some of these advantages. Record numbers are attending college and the rate of teen pregnancy is down.
So what's the beef? The question is where Sandwiched Boomers should draw the line: between support and intrusion, encouragement and control, cheering from the sidelines or meddling in the game? Here are some tips to start you thinking about this fine line in the relationship with your kidults.
1.Giving up old habits of micromanaging is hard. When you watch, worry and hang on, you're giving your emerging adult children the message that you don't trust that they can be on their own.
2.Today's technology makes it almost too easy to stay connected. Establish a middle ground where you don't enable your adult children to remain overly dependent, yet they know you're there if they really need you.
3.Being too directive - about college applications, class registration, roommate disputes, job searches, dating partners - fosters reliance on you at a time when developing decision making skills is paramount to building self esteem.
4.While financial assistance for the necessities is a parent's responsibility, it can have a pampering and hampering effect. Beginning in high school, encourage your children to get a part-time job and gain budgeting experience. Your goal is to prepare them to live alone. If they're unable to manage, boomeranging back home becomes the only option and the whole family pays a price.
5.Remember what it was like for you growing up? How did you use your personal strengths and become more self sufficient? Put some of these good ideas to work. Mentor your growing children but be sure to also let them learn for themselves.
Watching your children approach adulthood is a bittersweet experience, as you see your carefully crafted and longstanding identity slip away. As your family matures, you are faced with the challenges that come with letting go and beginning again in a new role.
After 20 years as a stay-at-home mom, Melanie was looking for work she could feel excited about. ?I know I am beginning to plant the seeds of change. I am delighting in my separate life and listening to my inner voice. Until now I've been a helpmate and mothering has been my job. Now I'm looking for a career.? Like Melanie, it may help to look at this transition in a different light, as you reignite old dreams and generate new passions for yourself.
? 2007, Her Mentor Center
First lets understand the four major stages for getting from where you are to where you want to go:
1. The Visionary - This stage is the process where the vision of what you want is created. Some individuals love to play in this arena. They love to create new ideas, visions, solutions, and to stay on the leading edge. This part is very important because it brings the energy needed in the birth of a new idea or concept. Any idea will run into its challenges along the way, therefore, the more energy it has at the beginning, the better chance it has to come to fruition.
2. The Advancer - Ths stage is the essential step in narrowing down all those ideas by developing systems that will take the top 3-5 ideas or solutions created in the visionary part of the process. This is an essential step in beginning to break the process into small sequential steps that can be set into a plan to move forward. This is also the process where the most important steps of a sequence are identified and ready to be put thorugh the ?mill? to trouble-shoot them before they really get underway.
3. The Refiner - This stage is the ?mill?. Namely, this is the stage where the idea gets put through the ?mill? to identify any major potential challenges or pitfalls that may kill the vision in its journey to coming to fruition. This is where all the potential challenges are brought up (not resolved) but brought up so that they may be addressed based. This step can be incredibly powerful in ensuring that the vision survives and becomes a reality.
4. The Executor - This stage is the ?just do it? stage. This stage comes into effect once the vision has been put through the entire process shared in the first three stages. This is where nothing needs to be ?figured out?, it simply just needs to be applied. It is most effective when the instruction is clearly defined and all the focus and attention is on just doing it. This is where the though, idea, and vision becomes a material result. This is where you see your dream come true, but the other three stages are essential in making this stage happen.
Now that you have the basics of the four stages that are necessary to take something from an idea stage to a manifestation stage, I'll ask you a few questions:
1. From the stages described above, which would you say you enjoy doing the most? 2. Who do you know that loves to do some of the other steps you don't love? 3. How can you bring these individuals together to fill in the roles you don't love and they do love?
Write down the answers to the three questions above, then get clear as to how you can create a win-win situation for everyone
Both Phyllis Goldberg, Ph.d. & Leo19 are contributors for EditorialToday. The above articles have been edited for relevancy and timeliness. All write-ups, reviews, tips and guides published by EditorialToday.com and its partners or affiliates are for informational purposes only. They should not be used for any legal or any other type of advice. We do not endorse any author, contributor, writer or article posted by our team.
Phyllis Goldberg, Ph.d. has sinced written about articles on various topics from Family Concerns, Food And Drink and Holiday Stress. Phyllis Goldberg, Ph.D. & Rosemary Lichtman, Ph.D. are co-founders of , a w. Phyllis Goldberg, Ph.d.'s top article generates over 22200 views. to your Favourites.
Leo19 has sinced written about articles on various topics from Parenting, Exhaust and Education Toys. Leo Ramos invites you to get at www.bodymindsuccess.com.. Leo19's top article generates over 2900 views. to your Favourites.