This is usually known as complaining. I used to complain a lot in the past. Of course it was always everybody else fault. I found that this kind of behavior is a symptom of low self esteem. In blaming others I did not assumed responsibility. By not assuming responsibility I became a victim of my circumstances. This is a sign of low self esteem.
How did I change this?. I took the decision to not complain any more. Every time I found myself complaining about something . I stop and I say to myself: Is time to take responsibility.
Low self esteem symptom # 2 - Denial:
This is my favorite one; I leaved many years on denial. I used to minimize problems, forgetting events. I did not want to feel the pain. Despite the evidence, my tendency was to insist that it was not true.
For example. When my father died, it was around 11:00 pm and I called one of my best friends. I told her that I needed to do some shopping and kept talking about trivial issues. She knew me very well, and I after I finished my talking she said: "I am sorry your father is gone" .This is a sign of low self esteem.
How did I change this?. I took the decision to start taking the risk of feeling my feelings. I realized that it is better feeling the pain once than keep feeling it all the time without knowing what was going on inside of me. This is like having a toothache and avoid going to the dentist to avoid the pain. So we take medication hoping that the pain will go away, until we cannot bury it anymore and we make the appointment.
Being unable to express our feelings is being unable to feeling them. This is my favorite one too. I was unable to know what I was feeling. For example. I felt anger and I did not know how to express it. Whenever somebody asked me: Are you angry?. I smiled and I said: "No, I am not angry". The truth is that I was confused about my feelings, and I felt afraid to express them. I did not understand that anger could be a healthy feeling. I always thought it was bad so I repressed it. This is a sign of low self esteem.
How did I overcome this?. I decided to be brave and start to express my feelings . I learn how to be more assertive . For example, my husband is always late, and I am punctual. So, every time we go out, I am ready. He is always doing things at the last minute and this makes me really angry. I used to smile and said nothing . I did not wanted to ruin the day. Instead of doing this one day I told him : "I am really uncomfortable when we have to go out and you are never ready and we are late". Just being able to express myself in this way had helped me a lot in not repressing my anger anymore.
Low self esteem symptom # 5- Depending on others for self-acceptance:
I used to depend on others to accept myself, I thought: if you like me, I am ok. If you accept me, I will accept myself. . Always waiting for a sign of approval so that I could feel good about myself.This is a sign of low self esteem.
How did I change this? Well, I become aware that people have different point of view, that sometimes they project in us their frustrations, and that if somebody really loves me, he or she will take me the way I am. I felt relief, just being conscious that we cannot please everyone and giving myself permission to be me. It had helped me to accept myself not worrying about others opinions.
This is like when you get your hair done, and then meet people and you are waiting for somebody to praise me. If you meet a friend, let's say, and she says, what have you done with your hair! I liked it the way it was before!!, you start to feel uncomfortable, and doubt about your new style. If you accept yourself and you are not waiting for other people's acceptance, you will be conformable no matter what others say.
Low self esteem symptom # 6 - Lack personal boundaries:
I did not know how to draw a line between my problems and other's problems. I let people to be invasive. This behavior is linked with no knowing how to say no. I used to be so mixed up, that when I meat somebody with a problem, I internalized as mine. For example. I remembered once a new co-worker got hired . We meat and he started to ask too many personal questions. Even though I felt uncomfortable I answered the questions.This is a sign of low self esteem.
How did I change this?. Well this experience occurred to me again. Because I was determined to set boundaries with other people, I could handle this in a different way. I just told her that I was not comfortable answering personal questions. I did not answered them. The good thing is that my co-worker understood my request and we had an excellent relationship. Setting boundaries is really important. We can still help other people, be nice to them but there is a place inside of us that we have to respect and do not have fear of rejection.
"You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with". Dr. Wayne W. Dyer.
Low self-esteem can strike anyone at any point in their lives. Teenagers are especially vulnerable since they are at a point in their lives where they still rely heavily on what others think of them to boost their confidence and give them the strength to move toward the next stage in their development.
New mothers too, often suffer with self esteem issues since they are entering a scary new phase in life which often leaves them feeling totally helpless and frustrated at their lack of knowledge.
How can you tell if you or someone you care about is just in a rut, or has slipped into the realm of self-esteem issues?
Look for these sure-fire signs of low self-esteem:
-An inability to live in the moment. People with chronic low self esteem issues often spend more time worrying about the future, or dwelling on mistakes that they've made in the past, that they fail to enjoy the here and now moments in life.
-An inability to be satisfied with what they have. It doesn't matter whether it's their home, job, family, spouse, or even their car, the low self esteem sufferer is never happy with what they have and is always looking for something bigger and better to bring them the happiness they crave.
-An inability to accept not being perfect. Those with low self-esteem think they need to be perfect at everything they do and simply cannot handle it when they aren't. They are eager to please anyone and everyone around them, and are overly sensitive to criticism, even when it's warranted.
-An inability to try new things. Without the self esteem to believe they can accomplish something new, fear keeps the sufferer from asking for that promotion; going on a date with the person they're attracted to; or even getting on that roller coater with their kids.
-An inability to accept themselves for whom and what they really are. People with low self esteem are constantly making negative "I Am" statements; concentrates on their defeats and disappointments; is constantly trying to improve the way they look, or totally neglects themselves due to the belief that they aren't worth the trouble to look and feel better physically and emotionally.
-An inability to be truly intimate with another person. Without the ability to connect with themselves, the person with low self esteem finds it difficult - if not impossible to truly connect with friends and family on a deep intimate level. Their relationships tend to be very superficial, with little or no depth.
-An inability to slow down. Busy people don't have the chance to look at their underlying problems, so people with self-esteem issues often hide their true feelings of inadequacies by staying busy, busy, busy.
Both Carla Valencia & Matthew Hick are contributors for EditorialToday. The above articles have been edited for relevancy and timeliness. All write-ups, reviews, tips and guides published by EditorialToday.com and its partners or affiliates are for informational purposes only. They should not be used for any legal or any other type of advice. We do not endorse any author, contributor, writer or article posted by our team.
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