Winning back your ex isn't going to be easy...it's going to take a lot of will, determination, and willingness to change yourself. It's not going to be as simple as striking up a relationship with somebody you've only recently met somewhere...you're dealing with somebody who knows you intimately, and has probably dealt with all your "tricks" before. Obviously, this makes it really quite challenging. If it's worth it to you, go for it, but don't fool yourself into thinking that it's going to be a walk in the park.
It's pretty obvious that if one of the people in a relationship decided to end it, there was something wrong. Finding out what made the relationship fail and fixing it if it's your fault is essential if you want to get make it work any better than before. This journey is going to require you making some serious changes and sacrifices...there are times you may not even feel yourself anymore, but clearly the person you were wasn't cutting it in that relationship. It's all a matter of how much dedication you have to the cause.
A lot of people make the mistake after a breakup of smothering their exes in apologies and attention. That only works in the movies, and a lot of the time it doesn't even work then. What you need to do is give your ex some room to think. Chances are, that person doesn't feel much like dealing with you right now, so anything you do to thrust yourself back into his or her life is just going to make things even worse. You both need a little space and time, so have some respect and let it be for a little while. After a sufficient recovery period, you'll be able to make contact again...gently.
The first contact isn't about your relationship, or what you did wrong or what is needed to get back together...it's just a chance to say hello, see how things are going for him or her. There'll be plenty of time to work on the relationship later, right now the best thing to do is be a friend.
If you play your cards right and just be a friend to the person, it probably won't be long before you're spending a little bit of time together again. When it gets to this point, you're going to have to take different things into consideration depending on which half of the boyfriend/girlfriend situation you are.
As the girl in the relationship, you'll want to stay away from the heavy emotions. Even the most sensitive, emotionally supportive guy in the world is going to have a hard time if you start throwing your feelings at him. It's awkward, it drives people away. Just relax, use this as an opportunity to do things that you both really enjoyed as a couple, and let him see how much you've been improving in the areas of yourself that led to the breakup. Be a good friend, make him comfortable with you again.
For the guys, the most important thing is to listen to her and make it clear that you can be emotionally supportive of her. This doesn't mean for you to be all sappy and hanging on her, it means that you can be the person she needs. Women are emotional creatures, it's just how they're wired...if she can't get what she needs emotionally from a relationship with you, you can't expect her to want to be with you. You need to be the guy she fell in love with...and you too should make it visible that your relationship-breaking flaws have been worked on.
It really comes down to one simple fact: there are two people in any relationship...two people who need certain things from the other. If those things aren't met, the relationship is probably going to end up crumbling and causing a lot of heartache. It's your job to meet the needs of your partner, and help keep the relationship healthy. You are responsible for your partner's happiness, just as your partner is responsible for yours. If you make yourself be the person who can make him or her happy, the person will see that, and your relationship should flourish and the two of you should be some of the happiest people on the planet.
Getting your ex back will require certain changes in order to ensure the relationship will work the second time around. Before embarking on a mission to get your ex back, think about the possible changes that are required to allow the relationship to work again. Determine whether you will be able to sustain these changes. If you do not think this is possible, it is not a good idea to try to get back with your ex, as this will only result in further heartache for both sides. If you believe that you are capable of making and sustaining any necessary changes, begin the process by contacting your ex. Make the initial contact simple and reasonably free of any strong emotion. Slowly begin to increase contact, working your way up to spending time with your ex partner. While you spend time with your ex, make sure that you try to include things that you previously enjoyed as a couple. Doing this can help in reminding both of you about the happy times during the relationship and what you are missing out on as a couple while you are apart. For Guys, while you spend time with your ex, you are trying to show her that you are still capable of fulfilling her emotional needs and desires. A woman is ruled by her feelings and emotions, so demonstrating to her that you are able to provide her with all the she requires emotionally, you will be one step closer to getting her back. Show her that you really appreciate her emotions and feelings by stopping to listen to what she is saying. Be sure to pay attention and stay on the alert for any nonverbal cues she might give to you. For the women- spend time with your ex. You'll have the opportunity to demonstrate how you have changed the things that could have been impacting your previous relationship in a negative way. Just as an example: if your nagging and complaining was affecting your previous relationship- attempt to show him that you've taken step to avoid or minimize your nagging. It may help your case to do a little flirting while spending time with your ex. Make sure to keep it light. But, do make your intentions obvious. It's very flattering to a member of the opposite sex when you show them that they are desired. For both sides, it is important to maintain or improve your fitness. If you found you let yourself go in your previous relationships, take the time to get yourself back together. Nothing will make your ex notice or want you more than seeing an all new and improved you.
Both Erik J. Michaels & T. Dubayah are contributors for EditorialToday. The above articles have been edited for relevancy and timeliness. All write-ups, reviews, tips and guides published by EditorialToday.com and its partners or affiliates are for informational purposes only. They should not be used for any legal or any other type of advice. We do not endorse any author, contributor, writer or article posted by our team.
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