The most commonly accepted type of relationship today is the 'vanilla' relationship. In this type of relationship roles and responsibilities are equally divided amond the partners. The day to day control of the partnership is shared by both. It is probable if not possible that both partners have jobs outside the home or possibly one may be a stay at home parent. In any case each shares the responsibilities for all the decisions that would affect the overall health of the relationship.

Second is the dominant/submissive relationship. Commonly referred to as a D/s relationship. In this type of relationship one partner has visibily more control in the relationship than the other. There are no guidelines that I know of that earmarks whether it's the female partner or the male partner that takes on this role. Just like the vanilla relationship both partners may work outside the home or one may be a stay at home mom or dad.

Social conditioning has taught us to believe that 'vanilla' relationships are better for everyone involved. There are however hundreds of thousands if not millions of people that would strongly argue that a "D/s" relationship is more likely to stand the test of time. I am a submissive woman and have lived a traditional lifestyle with my husband of many years. I don't just believe but I know the relationship we share is as strong if not stronger than any relationship of fifty years. Most of my friends found it disturbing in the beginning when they first learned of our lifestyle. In time and after seeing our relationship for what it really is they have all admitted their preconceptions were wrong and in many cases have admitted that they wish for a relationship as strong as ours.

Consider history. In bibical times it was accepted and expected that both partners would have very specific roles. Typically the women had the responsibility for the home and children while the men were the 'hunter/gatherers'. It has been the norm throughout history for women to be relegated to a subordinated position with their relationships. Even today many countries believe this to be the only way of life. The comical thing is that up until the 20th century and even well into the 20th century, 'D/s' lifestyles were the norm instead of the exception. Back when the divorce rates were lower, children were taught the meaning of respect and honestly and even religion was at the center of a families core values. Hmm makes you think doesn't it?

In contradiction to the past, today's relationships share equally in the hunter gatherer, cook, child rearing and overal home responsibilities. I wonder given the state of society today with the highest crime rates in history and an almost total disregard for teaching our children the meaning of respect and honesty, if we have helped or hindered society as a whole? I'm sure many of you will read this article and think I'm totally crackers, but my long, loving, secure and HAPPY marriage gives me reason to see things my way, even if it is just my opinion.

The funniest thing about today's relationships is that many if not most relationships mirror the 'old fashion' relationships where there is an unspoken seperation of responsibilities. These people that live in these relationship are, I believe afraid if not almost embarassed to admit their comfort with living a traditional lifestyle. They find it easier to put on a facade for outsiders to avoid the ridicule of being labeled weak. Accepting a traditional role in a relationship and making it work for you takes strong person with strong convictions. This is to me the sign of a stronger than average person with values and convictions that overshadow the strengths of those that would otherwise find fault.

Consider the following and then ask yourself; "could I be one of those living in the closet"? You might find that some of the qualities I've listed below apply to you or your partner and if that is the case, maybe you will pause the next time you feel it necessary to be critical of how others choose to live.

1. A Dominant is one who has the understanding that he or she is not perfect (sorry guys, even you)

2. Dominant partners have taken the time to identify and accept their flaws as a human being. They have come to terms with these flaws and figured out how to best control them effectively.

3. Dominant partners realize that the proof of their dominance doesn't come from the person who might call them the boss, but from within themselves. This is proven out to them by way of their personalities, ethics, standards and values.

4. A Dominant has realized that they have the responsibility to themselves to inform as thoroughly as possible regarding the wide ranging aspects of a traditional lifestyle. They take the time to consider what their own needs are within each aspect of their life and are capable of clearly expressing those needs to a submissive partner.

5. Life experiences teaches a dominant the importance of trust and respect in any relationship. They recognize this and understand that their partners cannot submit and give control to them unless they have the character that makes the worthy of this trust and respect.

6. A dominant partner always understand that before they can expect a submissive partner to give over control of their lives that the dominant partner must have total control over their own lives first.

7. Dominants accept and understand that fairness, honesty, character, integrity and consistency are not just words to be used to gain an advantage on a selective basis but they are concepts that represent the character of the dominant themselves.

If you recognize any of these personality traits in yourself or your partner, then you may be living a traditional lifestyle without realizing it. If not, you may find that you have the ingrediants to build your relationship into something to be envied by all. Consider this the next time you hear someone say, "We live a traditional lifestyle". It will make you a better person for thinking before criticizing.