As with anything, less is more...the simpler you can make things for your guests, the more likely you are to get accurate responses. You may even consider a short line after "are pleased to accept". I am suggesting the following items without taking into consideration food allergies, etc. I'll also suggest some vegetarian-only, low-sodium, and other alternatives.
Swedish or barbecue meatballs are always a favorite. These can be served alone or with lightly buttered linguini offered nearby. Lasagna is also easy to make and serves many, as is spaghetti. Sides of steamed vegetables (spinach, broccoli) and garlic bread are both easy and economical.
If you'd prefer some American dishes, boneless buffalo wings, coleslaw, and pulled pork barbecue can also serve many at a lower price. Another good choice (and good for kids) is homemade pizza. You could have this along with some French fries for anyone who may not like anything else.
Eggplant parmesan is a good choice if you have vegetarians or people on low-sodium diets. Lightly seasoned chicken breast is also a good choice for people who are concerned about eating heart-healthy.
Also make sure you have whole-grain rolls or bread available and a do-it-yourself salad bar is sure to be a hit. Start with a big bowl of chopped lettuce and red cabbage. Put out bowls with cucumbers, celery, mushrooms, carrots, grape tomatoes, raw broccoli, and other salad accompaniments. Choose at least 3 salad dressings and oil and vinegar dressing.
For a reception that large, you will undoubtedly be cooking a lot of food and some of it (like the meatballs, etc.) may be difficult to keep warm. Be sure to invest in plenty of chafing dishes and sterno. You may want to cook a lot of the food in advance and then freeze it.
If your reception area has a kitchen, you can start thawing or cooking the food in the oven the morning before the ceremony. Have two or three people continue to thaw and cook the food during the ceremony so that the food will be warm by the time it needs to be replenished then keep them warm with hotplates or sterno. Things like chicken, meatballs, etc. can be kept warm in crock pots and the crock pots can be switched out when the other one is empty.
I personally like buffets best. Guest can pass on what they do not want and get what they do like. A properly chosen buffet can satisfy likes and dislikes and dietary needs. With a sit down there is the meal and that is it. Also if the entree is one that is not so good you are stuck with it where on the buffet you still have choices.
You could serve appetizers instead of a full meal. I think it would save considerably on the cost. But the only problem that you will have is that when your guest get there invitation that will assume that there will be a dinner after the wedding.
While I understand both points I believe they are following the line. That when you are keeping the people (your guest) over a dinner hour that your guest will expect a full meal and a meal should be served. If your time is between meals then the appetizer reception would be proper when it is put that way in the invitation.
So you would say,
"We are organizing a party for John at La Casita Restaurant, Wednesday, October 14 at 6 p.m. 6-7 Cocktail hour (Appetizers served) 7-9 No Host Dinner 9-1 Celebratory Dessert Call to let us know:
Something like that...If you are not providing anything like appetizers and dessert I would not call it an invitation. The word Invitation denotes that the host is treating to something.
That sort of gathering would only need a postcard saying, "We are gathering for a Dutch Treat dinner to celebrate John's birthday." Date, Time, etc. and phone number to call to RSVP Yes or No.
You are better off spending less money on invitations and decorations, etc. and treat folks to coffee and dessert (for those who do not want to have dinner). Just say, "How Lucky Can I Get?" "As a birthday gift and wish I would love to have you bring me a scratch-off ticket. I'll split my winnings with you!"
That is a lot of fun and it is a good way to minimize the guest's anxiety about "not" bringing a gift. That is always a little uncomfortable for some.
I think it is fine to ask guests to pay their way. You will have organized the event for them and are creating the day to bring people together. On the invitations explain the activities for the day and say that you would love them to be there with the family but to enable the day to be a success each guest will need to pay for their ticket and this is required by to enable the cruise staff to prepare for the numbers attending. It isn't tacky at all. If guests do not want to pay then they will be missing out.
First, you won't call it an "invitation" or use the words "invited," since you are requesting payment. It needs to be an "announcement."
You would call it a "no host" or "Dutch treat" event.
"We'd like to announce that we are honoring "who ever" at a Dutch Treat dinner on date and time, at place."
Include the reservation card for dinner with prices and selections...when they return it you know how many people will be there.
I advise against having people let you know and then pay at the door. You will likely run into a problem with people not showing up and you have reserved/confirmed a dinner that you will have to pay for.
The best and most correct plan, however, is to invite all guests to a celebration which includes cake, coffee, champagne, etc. at an hour after dinner like 8:30 and includes a card for those who want to come at 6:00 and pay for their dinner. That way you give everyone a true invitation and opportunity to come and be with you to honor your father-in-law. At 8:30 with the full crowd, you can do special tributes and presentations, etc. Tables are set for dinner guests and extra tables for dessert only guests.
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