But there isn't anything that's going to protect YOU from the very same thing happening in YOUR life unless you deserve what you want and put to an end any mindset whatsoever that would cause you to "settle".
Here's the deal.
About two years ago Billy Bob went to a bar, hopefully to meet some women. After throwing the proverbial "spaghetti against the wall" to see what "stuck", lo and behold he got a woman named Mary Meenow to talk to him. She gave him her number. He called her and asked her out the "customary" three days later.
A few weeks went by, and Mary started bugging Billy Bob about becoming "exclusive". "Make me your girlfriend or I'm outta here!", she announced. After an audible wussy-boy sigh, Billy Bob feverishly rifled through the file cards in his head but gave in. After all, it was hella easier than going out there "sarging" some more, huh?
So Billy Bob and Mary soldiered on a few more months. Finally, Mary uttered the inevitable: "Hey my friend told me today that her boyfriend asked her to marry him, and we've been dating longer than they have!" Billy Bob was flustered and avoided the issue. But Mary was persistent. Only a couple of days passed by before she dropped the Weapon Of Mass Destruction: "I've had it with your non-committal attitude. Either I get a ring from you or I'm walking. You have five days to think about it."
And so the ultimatum had been issued. Using the exact same logic he drew from months before, Billy Bob showed up with a ring four days later.
Within two weeks they got married in Vega$.
Only a mere thirty days went by before Billy Bob-a military man-got orders out to a base 1500 miles away. Mary, who had a son in school, decided to wait behind for the duration of the six month deployment rather than pick up and move only to move back half a year from now.
Shortly thereafter, she got a call. Billy Bob was being sent out to sea for 90 days, during which time any communication would be all but impossible.
But it was only a month and a half or so before Mary got another surprise call from Billy Bob. He had gone through her email account somehow, and read where she told a friend about having gone Salsa dancing the other night. (Note: If you are thinking this whole jigsaw puzzle is missing a couple of pieces, I'm right there with you.) Billy Bob was angry, branded her a "cheater" and declared that he wanted a divorce.
Click.
So what happened here?
Well, Mary isn't a cheater. And furthermore, here it is: Billy Bob doesn't actually think so either.
It's just that he?well, uh'he sorta hasn't really'um?missed her a whole lot since he has been gone. It isn't like he even looks at her picture much. And he darn skippy didn't use whatever precious Internet access time he had to email her, let alone mix in a Skype account.
He doesn't love her anymore. In fact he probably never did. Worse, he doesn't have the masculine strength to admit it to her, therefore he scapegoats her with a ridiculous excuse.
How do I know all this? Simple: men who LOVE their cheating wives typically respond to discovery of infidelity with hurt and denial rather than a quick and dirty exit.
He SETTLED. And SO DID SHE.
This is what happens when there is no effort made to deserve what one wants, and two people allow themselves to be okay with accepting whomever "happens to come along". Both Mary and Billy Bob DID NOT choose each other. They accepted each other vis-?-vis circumstance, and once they did both were too insecure with their own ability to deserve that they dreaded the concept of breaking up and "starting all over" with someone else more than they did staying together.
At least until now, when the house of cards has collapsed.
Absolutely go out and meet some people-at a bar, club or even in the elevator. But don't be a Billy Bob. Deserve what you want and never, ever "settle".
Breakup advice is sought every day. You are reading this because you or someone you know wants to end and a relationship but just can't seem to do it. Relax, you are not alone but there is hope.
This is not going to be easy but if you have even the slightest desire to save your marriage you must end the affair. This is going to be really hard if your lover is quite happy with the way things are going. Understand it will get ugly. Stay focused on what you want ? saving the marriage.
So, how do you say goodbye and end the affair forever? Frankly, there is no easy way. Don't expect a magic bullet (no pun intended) in the form of a script that you can read and your partner will say, ?No problem, it was fun while it lasted? and let you go. It's just not going to happen that way.
Best advice: since you have already realized what needs to be done - just do it. Don't put it off. The longer you wait, the harder it will get. It's not right to keep your partner hanging on so do them a favor and get it over with quickly. Make a commitment to do it on a certain date. Mark your calendar if you have to. Promise yourself and then KEEP that promise.
But ?What do I say?? you may be asking. How about simply ?This isn't going to work?? Be direct and be honest. Explain why you feel it is better this way. Giving the facts won't make it hurt less but your words will be remembered and thus easier to accept after the initial shock. Saying only ?I don't love you? won't be enough. Think through it and be prepared. Chances are your partner already knows it's not going to work but needs to hear it from you. Just remember, most people appreciate honesty and don't appreciate be strung along.
You must make it clear that your mind is made up. Stress that there can not be future contact in any way. No phone calls, no text messaging, no quick meetings, nothing. Having contact again will only harm the situation. There is no room for compromise in here.
If your partner tries to call or email you, uou must block them or change your phone number and email address. Remember, there can be no doubt, your decision is final.
Having listed a couiple of things to do, there are some things you don't want to do. Don't be hurtful. There is enough pain and suffering already so don't say "I never had feelings for you". But don't say "I will always have feelings for you" either. That would just give them hope that someday you may rekindle the fire.
One final "don't do": If you choose to tell your spouse about the affair, DO NOT provide any details. This will only make things worse and cause your spouse to relive the image over and over. Can you imagine the torture that would be? Just don't do it.
Want some more tips? There is a link in my About me box that will take you to a review of great ?how-to? site that I think you will find helpful.
Ending an affair is not easy but you deserve to be happy and get on with your life.
Both Scot Mckay & Ed Haley are contributors for EditorialToday. The above articles have been edited for relevancy and timeliness. All write-ups, reviews, tips and guides published by EditorialToday.com and its partners or affiliates are for informational purposes only. They should not be used for any legal or any other type of advice. We do not endorse any author, contributor, writer or article posted by our team.
Scot Mckay has sinced written about articles on various topics from Marriage, Accounting Guide and Flirting Tips. Scot McKay's dating strategies for those who refuse to settle for anything less than the ULTIMATE relationship are found at: