We are designed to have emotions. They have a purpose. They are our internal guidance system. We have ignored them. We are taught by our culture and our family to ignore them. Science is now showing us the value of emotion. People who use emotion and reason together are more successful and happier than those who don't. Look for a surround yourself with the messages that show yourself that emotions are okay - all of them. Some ways to do that is through books, other forms of reading, tapes, websites, friends, mentors, coaches, therapists.
2. Figure out the message that your emotion is trying to tell you.
Yes. Your emotions are trying to tell you something. At the most basic level, through pleasurable feelings, they are telling you to move towards something; through unpleasant feelings, they are telling you to move away from something.
When you feel ?something?, ask inside yourself, ?what is it that I am feeling and what is the message?? To stop and ask this will provide you with information. If you are angry, it may be a message to protect your boundaries. If you feel anxiety, it may be a message to proceed with caution. Trust your emotions. They will guide you more accurately than any other skills you have developed.
3. Understand the belief(s) that are behind the emotion.
Each emotion we experience is driven by a set of thoughts or beliefs about ourselves, other people and the world around us as well as our religious or spiritual beliefs. The beliefs tend to be subconscious although we can access them if we make a point of it. Some of the beliefs will be accurate and some will be inaccurate. We form these beliefs from the time we are very young. When our emotions seem to be a large reaction to a small event, it is a good idea to examine the beliefs underlying our reaction. Sometimes, we need help to uncover our beliefs. That is where a friend or coach or therapist can be valuable. This is an ongoing process of self-discovery that leads to a healthier and happier life.
4. Give your emotion a name and recognize where it is in the body.
The first step to increase our emotional intelligence is to develop the EI competency known as self-awareness. The way to start developing this awareness is to be able to give a name to what we are feeling and to turn our attention to our body to see where we are feeling it physically and to be able to describe how it feels.
In the beginning, naming emotions can be confusing because there are so many subtle shades and variations. We have many different names for many different emotions. The way to start is to recognize six basic emotions and initially name your emotions as one of these six. All emotions will fall under one of these basic categories. They are happiness, anger, fear, sadness, disgust and surprise.
5. Suspend judgment about the emotion and about yourself.
One of the reasons we do not know our emotions is because it feels unsafe to do so. We have been taught that emotions get in the way, have no value or that certain emotions mean you are bad for having them. This is simply not true. It is the judgment about our emotions that cause us to feel unsafe. It is this judgment that causes us to run from our emotions. Some of us hide in alcohol, drugs, shopping, sex, gambling, obsessive-compulsive behaviours, or chronic illness. If there was only one change to make around emotion, this would be the most important one. The negative self-judgment is destructive, demoralizing and deflating. It keeps us from recognizing the truth, from feeling good and from developing our potential.
6. Be compassionate with yourself. The emotion has a good reason for being there.
This is a tool to counteract the negative self-judgment. Remember how you felt the last time you were upset about something and someone was able to acknowledge how you felt was perfectly justified under the circumstances and they were sympathetic to you? Would it have helped you if they were critical? No. So is there any value in treating yourself harshly? No. Do we not gravitate towards people who are kind to us? Yes. So, why is it you would treat yourself differently than this? We are all human beings who are trying to do the best we can with the psychological resources that we have. Think of these things next time you treat yourself harshly. Replace it with kind ?parenting? toward yourself. This will go much farther than criticism and harsh internal reprimands that you ?should? be stronger, better, more.
7. Allow yourself to manage the emotion. This is not the same as suppression or denial.
Part of managing your emotions also concerns two emotional intelligence competencies put forth in a book called The EQ Edge by Steven Stein and Howard Book.
The first competency is called Stress Tolerance and is defined as "the ability to withstand adverse events and stressful situations without falling apart by actively and positively coping with stress. This ability is based on (1) a capacity to choose courses of action for dealing with stress (being resourceful and effective, being able to come up with suitable methods, knowing what to do and how to do it); (2) an optimistic disposition toward new experiences and change in general and toward your own ability to successfully overcome the specific problem at hand; and (3) a feeling that you can control or influence the stressful situation by staying calm and maintaining control.
The second competency is called Impulse Control and is defined as "the ability to resist or delay an impulse, drive or temptation to act. Impulse control entails a capacity for accepting your aggressive impulses, being composed and controlling aggression, hostility and irresponsible behaviour. Problems in impulse control are manifested by low frustration tolerance, impulsiveness, anger control problems, abusiveness, loss of self-control and explosive and unpredictable behaviour."
8. Recognize when your emotion is a heightened reaction due to fatigue, lack of sleep, hunger, time of day or even loneliness. Get your needs met.
In order to increase your stress tolerance so you can more effectively cope with the challenges that you experience in life, some basic needs have to be adequately met. This is where it becomes important to take care of yourself. The basic needs are exercise, adequate quantity and quality of sleep, good nutrition and an unhurried life. These four alone would keep the majority of us busy making changes. And they are extremely worthwhile.
9. Express your emotion by talking or journalling or talking respectfully to the person who impacted you.
Part of management is the expression, the action. Expression of emotion is going to come out whether we like it or not. If we do not know how to do it in a healthy way, it will get expressed by pain and illness in the body or by blowing up at a family member, friend or even the store clerk. When the emotion is in response to another person's actions, the expression usually needs to take place in the form of telling that person how their actions have impacted you and how you would like to remedy the situation. However, direct, honest and respectful communication is the key.
Verbal and written expression of emotion has been shown to reduce visits to the doctor and subjects report an increased sense of well-being. James Pennebaker has been in the forefront in designing studies to determine the effect of emotional expression on health. He has focussed on verbal articulation (talking to another person) and journal writing. People who journal process their emotions faster and move through any issues to successful resolution more quickly. People who keep their emotions "bottled up" have a higher tendency toward cardiovascular diseases, particularly high blood pressure that does not seem to respond much to medication.
10. Take appropriate action on the message. Avoid rumination.
Notice when you are ruminating. If you are ruminating, it is another message that you have not adequately acknowledged the emotion that you are feeling, have not yet determined the message in the emotion and have not taken the action that is right for you. When you do these things the rumination will dissipate by itself. This honouring of emotional process is a much more pleasant and organic way of ceasing rumination.
Copyright 2006 Johanna Vanderpol
Are you aware that your company could be harboring a virus, potentially costing you millions of dollars annually? Negative emotions can be like a stealth virus that drains both financial and human resources from your company. And unless you've safeguarded everyone by developing their emotional intelligence (EI) skills and creating a positive emotional climate, high turnover can be contagious. The key to preventing an outbreak of this virus at your company is an emotionally intelligent retention strategy. This is not about "program of the month" or "Bring Your Pet to Work Day," or "Anniversary bonuses," and it will require more than a fair compensation package.
The High Cost of Turnover
Countless articles and books have been written about the direct and indirect costs of turnover. The cost of replacing a worker whose skills are in high demand can hit up to 1.5 times his annual salary. At minimum, the cost to replace any worker is about 20 percent of his annual salary.
Indirect costs of high turnover can be staggering, but are hard to track. For example, if a supervisor is spending even part of his day conducting exit interviews, interviewing candidates, or posting jobs on the web, that's time away from doing his regular work. That's costly. Additionally, disgruntled employees may sabotage the company by causing immeasurable damage to client relationships, resulting in lost customers. And now the company must spend extra time and money trying to woo those customers back.
What Do Workers Really Want?
As the war for talent heats up, many HR professionals say that retaining workers means figuring out what employees want. They suggest customizing job descriptions and perks for each worker so that they will say, "No thanks," when recruiters call them. The thought of figuring out what perks each individual wants from telecommuting to on-site massage therapy, can be daunting. Also, it's the wrong place to start. Trying to cater to each employee's unique wants and needs creates plenty of stress for supervisors, managers and human resource professionals and can be overwhelming. And workers may bail on you anyway even if you give them what you think they want. Underneath it all, employees want the same thing.
Every employee, whether he or she is able to put it into words or not, wants to feel certain things:
- They want to feel secure (if they perform well, they will keep their job).
- They want to feel appreciated for their contributions.
- They want to feel that their immediate boss cares about them as a person.
- They want to feel fulfilled in the work they do.
The foundation upon which to build a successful employee retention strategy is that of creating a positive emotional environment - creating, through the behaviors of every manager and supervisor, an emotional climate that makes people want to work at your company. They want an emotionally intelligent employer, and in particular, an emotionally intelligent leader to guide them.
A positive emotional climate is not one in which everyone always pretends to be happy and problems are ignored, nor is it one where there are no conflicts or stresses. But it is one that when problems arise, they are dealt with in a fair and respectful way, a way that allows people to disagree and still demonstrate sincere care for one another.
Sounds great, right? But just how do you create a positive emotional climate that increases employee satisfaction and employee loyalty, which leads to better retention?
Where Do You Start?
Start at the top. The top leaders' attitudes and behaviors directly affect employee satisfaction, productivity and loyalty. These, in turn, directly affect customer satisfaction, loyalty and profitability. How employees are treated, first by their immediate boss, and second by other leaders in the organization, directly drives employee satisfaction. And job satisfaction is about attitudes and emotions - how employees feel.
OK, so I'm a supervisor or manager or executive. And I'm supposed to behave in a way that's caring and positive toward my people. I guess I'm supposed to be immune to the pressure and stress of leading? No!
You have feelings and emotions, too! So what should you do? You should enhance what is known as your Emotional Intelligence (EI) skills. EI is your ability to acquire and apply knowledge from your emotions and the emotions of others to help you make decisions about what to say or do (or not say or do). As you develop EI skills, you will progressively enhance skills in the five basic EI competencies: emotional self-awareness, emotional self-regulation, emotional self-motivation, empathy and nurturing relationships.
These competencies, when developed and practiced, can safeguard an individual and an organization against the virus of negative emotions that can cause dissatisfaction and turnover. They can help an organization retain its most valuable resource - its people!
Both Johanna Vanderpol & Byron Stock are contributors for EditorialToday. The above articles have been edited for relevancy and timeliness. All write-ups, reviews, tips and guides published by EditorialToday.com and its partners or affiliates are for informational purposes only. They should not be used for any legal or any other type of advice. We do not endorse any author, contributor, writer or article posted by our team.
Johanna Vanderpol has sinced written about articles on various topics from Web Development, Emotional Intelligence and Anger Control. Johanna Vanderpol is a professional coach, author and speaker on emotional intelligence, emotional well-being and de-stressing. For more free resources and articles as well as her latest products in this field, go to. Johanna Vanderpol's top article generates over 4400 views. to your Favourites.
Byron Stock has sinced written about articles on various topics from Emotional Intelligence, Vitamins and Emotional Intelligence. Byron Stock guides individuals and organizations toward excellence by helping them develop their Emotional Intelligence skills as a powerful tool to achieve strategic objectives, lead change and create resilient, high-performing organizational cultures.. Byron Stock's top article generates over 5400 views. to your Favourites.