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[I153]Imaginary Friends Part 1

by Ed Bagley, Ed

The next time you go borrowing, and your friendly banker smiles as you walk into his office, be aware that you may be snookered by someone not worthy of your trust. If your banker is an attractive woman, then you are even more susceptible.

I have grown over the years to appreciate a certain breed of bankers as one of the lower life forms that inhabit planet Earth. What I am about to share with you is even more true of certain mortgage brokers, secondary lenders and financial predators. They operate as sleazy parasites under the guise of helping the least credit worthy consumers who have virtually no savvy in financial matters.

Rather than pick on the worst of this collection of lenders who will help relieve you of your money without any conscience, I have targeted bankers. Before the banking industry was deregulated there were many people who considered bankers worthy of some trust and admiration. Those days are over.

Bankers still enjoy the best reputation (such as it is) among these lenders, but they have no problem patting you on the shoulder while picking your pocket and telling you how much they have helped you. I do not intend to indict the entire lending industry, just 95% of it. Here is an example:

My 24-year-old son wanted to refinance his first mortgage and was about to go to a leading lender in the market to look at its loan proposal. I decided to tag along because I know how lenders operate, especially when dealing with younger clients and senior citizens who have not handled the finances in their family.

His present loan had a principal balance of $123,773 with 7.458% interest at a 30-year fixed rate.

The proposed re-fi was for $134,999 with 9.9% interest (10.28% APR) at a 30-year fixed rate. The re-fi would cover the $123,773 principal balance due and provide a $10,409 home equity loan. The lender was actually smiling when he outlined what a good deal this was for my son.

I had coached my son to simply listen to the proposal, commit to nothing, take the paperwork with him, and tell the lender he would study the proposal and let the lender know if he wanted to proceed.

Once away from this flytrap I took my son to lunch, and we discussed the great deal he was given.

First, I had him look at the 3% discount fee on the Good Faith Estimate of the closing costs. (The discount fee is the amount you are paying for the privilege of getting the loan.) The discount fee was listed at $312.

What the lender was not telling him was that the 3% discount fee was figured on the $10,409 home equity loan and not on the $134,999 for the total loan which was $4,050, a slight difference of $3,748 in their favor.

If you called the lender on this discrepancy, he would probably say, "Oh, you're right, that's a mistake. That's the figure for the home equity loan. Jeez, I'm sorry."

When the day comes to close the loan, you see the bloated figure and object, and then the lender multiplies the $134,999 loan times 3% and viola, it comes up correct. You are dazed and confused, feel under pressure, want to get this over with and sign on the dotted line. This happens every working day in America when loans are closed.

Long after you are gone, the lender is quietly snickering, counting up the additional funds he will earn, and welcoming the next dumb bunny who comes through the door while you will be stuck with making payments for 360 months on a lousy loan.

For the uninitiated, there are more real surprises at loan closings in America than when opening gifts on Christmas morning. One client of mine went to a loan closing and learned that $10,000 had been added to the loan closing costs without prior notice; he thankfully got up and left.

Always remember that for every liability you have, you are someone else's asset. For every liability-such as a mortgage, credit card, car loan or school loan-you are an employee of the company lending the money.

If you take out a 30-year mortgage loan, you have become a 30-year employee of the company which lends you the money. This is a very sobering thought when you are paying attention, as you should be. I am not talking about anything important in this article, just your financial health.

Part 2 of this article will take the financial details of the loan apart and show how not taking the loan will save my son $157,495.

Just about everyone in our society is addicted to something. Addictions can take many forms:

SUBSTANCE ADDICTIONS: addiction to alcohol, recreational drugs, prescription meds, caffeine, nicotine, food, sugar, carbohydrates.

PROCESS ADDICTIONS: addiction to love, connection, caretaking, anger, resistance, withdrawal, and to activities such as:

? TV
? Computer/internet
? Busyness
? Gossiping
? Sports
? Exercise
? Sleep
? Work
? Making money
? Spending money
? Gambling
? Sex, masturbation, pornography
? Shopping
? Accumulating things
? Worry
? Obsessive thinking (ruminating)
? Self-criticism
? Talking a lot
? Talking on the telephone a lot
? Reading
? Gathering information (if only I know enough I will feel safe)
? Meditation
? Religion
? Crime
? Danger
? Cutting themselves
? Glamour, beautifying

We can use anything as a way of avoiding feelings and avoiding taking responsibility for our painful feelings. Whenever we engage in an activity with the intention of avoiding our feelings, we are using that activity as an addiction. We can watch TV to relax and enjoy our favorite programs, or we can watch TV to avoid our feelings. We can meditate to connect with Spirit and center ourselves, or we can meditate to bliss out and avoid responsibility for our feelings. We can read to enjoy and learn, or read to escape. Anything can be an addiction, depending upon our intention.

For example, when your intention is to take loving care of yourself and your work is something you really enjoy, then working is not being used as an addiction. But when the intent is to get approval or avoid painful feelings, then work is being used as an addiction. The same is true for most of the above behaviors ? they can be addictions or not, depending upon your intent.

All of us have a wounded part of us ? our wounded self or ego self ? that has been programmed with many false beliefs through our growing-up years. There are four common false beliefs that underlie most addictions:

1. I can't handle my pain.
2. I am unworthy and unlovable.
3. Others are my source of love.
4. I can have control over how others feel about me and treat me.

I CAN'T HANDLE MY PAIN

While this was true when we were small, it is not true as adults, yet many people operate as if it is true. When you believe that you are incapable of handling pain ? especially the deep pain of loneliness and helplessness ? then you will find many addictive ways to avoid feeling your pain. All of us are capable of learning how to manage painful feelings in ways that support our highest good, rather behaving in addictive ways that hurt us.

Anything you do to avoid taking responsibility for managing your pain is self-abandonment, which creates even more pain - the deep pain of aloneness. Whether you abandon yourself to substances, processes or people, your inner child ? which is your feeling self - will feel abandoned by your choice to avoid responsibility for your feelings. If you had an actual child who was in pain, and you got drunk instead of being there for that child, he or she would be in even more pain from the abandonment. It is exactly the same on the inner level. Addictive behavior is an abandonment of self and causes the very pain you are trying to avoid.

I AM UNWORTHY AND UNLOVABLE

When you did not receive the love you needed as a small child, you might have concluded that the reason you were not loved was because you were bad, flawed, defective, unworthy, unlovable, or unimportant. This is core shame ? the false belief that there is essentially something wrong with you. When you adopt this belief, you become cut off from your Source, believing that you are unworthy of being loved by a Higher Power.

OTHERS ARE MY SOURCE OF LOVE

You will become addicted to attention, approval, love, sex, or connection when you believe that another person needs to be your dependable source of love. In this case, you will be abandoning your inner child to another person, which causes as much pain as abandoning yourself to a substance. Until you learn to tap into a Higher Power as your source of love, you will continue to be addicted to people as your source of love.

I CAN HAVE CONTROL OVER HOW OTHERS FEEL ABOUT ME AND TREAT ME

If you believe you can control others? feelings and behavior, you will become addicted to various ways of trying to control, such as anger, judgment, blame, or people-pleasing. When you believe you can't handle your pain and that others are your source of love, then you want control over getting that love. This is the cause of the codependency that underlies most relationship problems.

There is a way to heal from addictions. The rest of the articles in this series will address the process of recovery from addictions.

Article Source : Pg. 52

About Author

Both Ed Bagley & Margaret Paul, Ph.d. are contributors for EditorialToday. The above articles have been edited for relevancy and timeliness. All write-ups, reviews, tips and guides published by EditorialToday.com and its partners or affiliates are for informational purposes only. They should not be used for any legal or any other type of advice. We do not endorse any author, contributor, writer or article posted by our team.

Ed Bagley has sinced written about articles on various topics from Disease & illness, Promotional Advertising and The Republican Party. Ed Bagley is the author of Ed Bagley's Blog, which he publishes daily with fresh, original writing intended to delight, inform, educate and motivate readers with articles about Internet Marketing, Careers, Movies and Life. Visit Ed at . . .. Ed Bagley's top article generates over 1220000 views. to your Favourites.

Margaret Paul, Ph.d. has sinced written about articles on various topics from Parenting, Divorce and Infidelity and Cure Anxiety. Margaret Paul, Ph.D. best-selling author of eight books, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: