Negotiating skills are not part of this country's formal education, though negotiation is used more often than math skills, every day. These skills create the core of our professional and personal lives.

The importance of negotiation is drastically underestimated in today's work world. Strong negotiation skills are needed to succeed in life.

What is Negotiation?

There are three parts to negotiation: communication style, personality type, goals. Each of these elements need to be balanced between the two people negotiating before anyone can manipulate a desirable outcome.

Negotiating is simply "working with other to achieve some beneficial result." It is one of those skills that takes a few hours to learn and a lifetime to master. It is not a genetic trait we're born with, like athletic or artistic ability. No matter what education level or social position, the negotiation skills are not beyond your capabilities.

It just takes time, a little education, attention to honing our skills, and your life will be better.

Negotiation is not the art of manipulating another person. Negotiation is a type of collaboration, even if you need to convince the other person that it is in their best interest to work together. Manipulation is forcing your goals and opinions on another person.

Communication Styles

There are four communication styles. Each of these are combined with four personality groups. The communication style is their ability to articulate their wants and needs.

A good communicator can identify a person's personality type and communication style. The communication style a negotiator uses does not necessarily match the audience's, but the audience will find it familiar and be comfortable using it.

Some communication styles are directly to the point, void of facts. Others layout the facts, letting the audience come to their own opinion before the negotiator offers their opinion or goal. Using the wrong communication style can make the audience feel like they are being 'sold' or coerced.

Personality Type

The personality type determines what the audience considers a strong enough motivation to change their plans work with you. The negotiator will use the audience's values and goals to speak using a language, motives, goals, and values their audience will find appealing.

The audience's personality type will also determine how long the presentation is, and what props the negotiator uses. An artistic person will like to see slides. A driver personality will want facts and figures they can take away with them.

Goals
The expert negotiator does not focus on their goals, but the audience's goals. The art of negotiating is making the audience believe that they are coming out on top of the agreement, without the negotiator begging or selling.

Goals are often motivated by people's desire for relationships, building wealth, improving security, feeling good about yourself, and achieving a socially 'higher' goal. A negotiator will use these goals to 'speak' to the audience and help them reach their goals by reaching their own goals.

Objective

Negotiating is not a forceful encounter. Act collaboratively, not competitively. It is not "me against you." The other person is a bargaining partner. Everyone must come away with a benefit, or the party who has nothing to loose will leave. This is seen when men fall in love. The court a woman until she marries them, treating her as the object of their love, instead of an equal partner who must continually be courted. We see this in business when one company merges with another, and then guts the minor company, leaving the remaining workers feeling wounded.

It is a big mistake to think you can use negotiations to get something for nothing. When negotiating, present your case as if both parties are on equal ground. Everyone can succeed at negotiating if they make "Mutual Benefit" their mantra.

Summary

There are many places to learn how to negotiate, about communication styles, and personality styles. Learning to listen can also give you an edge. Pro negotiators spend more time listening instead of talking. They do not cut-their-own-throats by cutting off the audience why their ideas and goals are wrong, or poorly motivated. They do not finish the audience's sentences. And, in the end, they earn the audience's trust, the first goal of any pro negotiator.