[I66]I Saw The Future

Here the deal: I am not a high fashion gym guy. I'll wear an occasional Nike short and even more occasionally a logo shirt. On the other hand the sights I see at the gym can really hurt your eyes if you look too long or stare too hard. So as not be sexist please know that the conditions and descriptions mentioned herein apply to both men and women.

There are likely categories for the attire people choose to wear to workout and if there are no formal ones then I am here to make them up. The way I see it breaks down like this:

Terminally Fashionable: This god or goddess of workout is adorned head to toe in logo madness. Shirt, pants or shorts (or both), socks, shoes and hat all perfectly aligned. These are the same folks that seem to not sweat and may well send their workout clothes to the dry cleaner for that "just pressed" look. These are some of the same fabulous people that use the cell phone while walking the treadmill.

The Rumpled Ones: Though this can happen any day or time of the week, I find it to be especially prevalent on weekend mornings, say around 7 or 8 a.m. Bed head in place, crusty eyes, the "what the hell am I doing here after the thing I did last night" look; you know the ones. They do have a certain elegance in their wrinkled shirts and long, made for the beach, board shorts. One thing I found to be true though is that they are determined to work hard and I have watched their improvements over time. I applaud these folks for not caring about what's going on superficially outside. They care about results and it shows.

Stuck In The 70's: Tennis shorts, tucked in shirt, ankle high white socks with a portable 8 track player. All right I exaggerate, but not by much. These folks, again hard working, need to get one foot into the current millennium.

TMI (Too Much Information): Let's be clear here, no one I know wants to see that much of you or your parts. Just the other day I was doing a stretch on the floor. The women next to me, all of 7 feet away, was splayed over a ball in a tight thin cotton leotard like garment. She was not wearing any undergarments, this was obvious because in one glance I knew the camel toe had been spotted and refused to look back. Yes I am a healthy hetero male and no I do not need that much information. The male counterpart (perhaps they are related) insists on wearing short running shorts, again without any undergarments. I fondly call him FedEx because his package delivers at the gym. Again TMI!

One thing that all these ladies and gentlemen have in common is a desire to get off their butts and get to the gym. They are light years ahead of the slugs that are sitting on the couch eating Twinkies and chasing them with beer. I am of the mind that those are treats to have after you have done the workout! The reality is that what people wear is meaningless, fun to watch and write about, but meaningless none-the-less. This applies to everyone except FedEx. Please, I implore you for the sake of mankind, wear something under those short shorts or take a cue from the Terminally Fashionable and spend a couple of bucks to get your workout wardrobe an extreme makeover. If you don't cover up others will run the risk of permanent retina damage, just like a solar eclipse.