Both men and women are short changed when sweeping generalizations are applied to the male psyche. Men can not all be painted with broad strokes. Some comments from a poll we took may help build a more complex picture of the midlife male perspective, particularly concerning long-term relationships.
Often it's a struggle for marital partners to maintain commitment to each other. However, many men recognize that the outcome is worth the effort. Henry talked about his secret to success. "We've never lost our focus - we knew we had to work to stay together. It was the two of us in the beginning and it would be the two of us when the children grew up. We took at least one trip a year by ourselves and tried to go on a date every week or so, to reconnect. I guess it worked - we're still together after 25 years."
Bill was determined not to make some of the same mistakes with his second wife that he had with his first. "I used to believe that my partner would be like my mother - with the added component of sex. That she would be there to take care of me, no matter how I treated her. I grew up after my first marriage failed. My second wife made it perfectly clear about what she needed and wanted in order to make the relationship work."
Shared interests have made it somewhat easier for Gary and his wife to feel like a team. "We share major goals and support each other in our individual pursuits. Not long ago we started taking ballroom dance lessons - we both love music and want to stay in shape. It is essential for us to collaborate on creative projects in and out of work."
Shortly after they were married, Ed and his wife came up with a plan that helps them maintain their commitment. "We decided to make Tuesday nights 'divorce night.' We knew that we had that time to talk about whatever was going on between us. That way we never felt trapped - we each knew that we had an out if we wanted one."
The meaning of intimacy can change over time. Rich misses the exciting sexual encounters of their courtship and early marriage. "Sexual intimacy is important - the relationship would have never started unless we were on the same frequency. Now aging and illness have brought problems and we are experimenting with different ways of being sexual." Matt has been married for 32 years. "Our sexual relationship is just as juicy but less frequent. We are more affectionate, but have fewer moments of passion. My current libido feels like I'm 35 but my mature mind overcomes dangerous ideas every time." David feels that, although the sexual relationship with his wife is still significant, affection plays a bigger part in their intimacy. "We are very close and physical. We like to touch, hold each other. We are as intimate as ever even though we are not as sexual."
As a single man, Barry had enjoyed an active sex life and finally married later in life. He was determined to make this relationship work. "I recognize that I'm not a young man anymore and factor that into my thinking about sex. Since this is a marriage and not a date, there are other issues that sometimes get in the way of our feeling close, like resentments about how we each spend money."
Husbands in successful long-term marriages believe that mutual acceptance and respect are crucial. Charles and his wife have learned from each other. "I have accepted who she is and I'm not trying to change her anymore. The years together have made both of us more tolerant. And I sometimes think that she understands me better than I understand myself."
Mike talked about how he was affected by his wife's attitude. "I feel her love and respect for who I am and what I say, even though we do not always agree. This makes me feel safe. I look forward to our life together even though we have no idea where it will be or what it will bring. But I want to enjoy it in small and big ways, daily, for however long it will be."
Change has probably been an integral part of your marriage - in the roles you each play and in the way you relate to each other. Tom has been able to focus on the changing realities of his situation. "It's a matter of accepting what is, rather than what you would like it to be. It's not easy and I feel I am always working toward that goal. Our lives have had a series of ups and downs - we both try to be flexible and accept what is. Usually we succeed and are able to move on."
Steve, retired for several years, summed up his marriage this way: "We began as husband and wife in a more traditional relationship. Overall, I was the noisemaker and she was the nest-maker. Now I'm more involved around the house - I help with laundry, do the dishes. We're a team and our roles interchange, depending on who is interested or available. I have learned a lot but changed only a little. I try to be less temperamental, more compromising, more giving. When I was working, I used to be more focused on only myself. Now I'm paying attention to me, her and us - and still learning new things about all three."
Reading what boomer men say about making marriage work likely validates what you're already doing in your relationship. If not, talk with your partner about the comments that were interesting to you. Begin to integrate the most useful ideas as you continue to experiment with your relationship.
(C) Her Mentor Center, 2007
People love to be asked; whether it's for their permission, how they are feeling, about their families, getting invited to the event, and numerous other questions that could be asked about or of them. Being asked is a feeling of empowerment. It gives the person being asked the opportunity to express their thoughts and opinions in an honest, forthright manner. It's an opportunity to put things in a different perspective, allowing others to see the matter from all angles.
You have the ability to pose a question to a lot of people, very quickly and it is an excellent thing you can do even before you begin to build your list. So in order to pose your question you would set up an "ASK" campaign. Make a goal of getting 100 answers about the niche you're into. Once the question is out in the open, and people begin answering it, you'll gather information to use for content when writing emails, ad copy, articles and any other type of writitng you decide to do, based on the varying opinions, comments, questions, and responses from the people on your list.
Hold off on capturing people's names and email addresses, so you can ask as many questions as possible in a short period of time. You can collect that information if you want, but it isn't vitally important when you first start.
Keep your question specific and simple. If you ask to much of people by putting in more fields to fill in, it is less likely that people will take the time fill the whole survey out. Ask for a central answer that is at the core of running a business online. That way the question is specific, yet generalized to suit a variety of people and their businesses. ?Whatever your business is, what question burns the hottest about whether or not you are heading in the right direction to make this thing fly?" Add in a conclusive or hanging statement at the bottom, along with your photo and signature to personalize it, then sit back and see what happens from that point on.
The answers you get from your ASK campaign can be used as bullet points, headlines, body content and everything else you need to create a squeeze page. The answers you get from so many different people will make it catchy, truthful, and compelling. Naturally people will want to know more, so they'll sign up to receive your newsletter, ezine, ebook, etc. That, my friends, is the beginning of the trust basis you want to have with the people who have signed up to be on your list. This is your chance to make an impression, you only get one, and so know what you're talking about, know the products you are selling. Don't get caught with your pants down, in other words.
The positioning of your ASK campaign is important because you want to be shooting for an audience of people related to what you are doing. You don't want people coming out of left field and wasting your time and their own. Know what you're trying to accomplish when you decide to run an ASK campaign. You'll get more quality, targeted answers faster.
If you decide to use paid advertising to pose your questions, ask people what they want straight up, the very first thing. Then use your thank-you page like an opt-in page, inviting folks to sign up for your free weekly ezine. You may want to offer a free gift or download when they join your list.
Once you've found out what folks in your niche want, head on over to that awesome site ClickBank, to find something of value you can promote, like a free training course or an ebook, for example. Once they've signed up, send out a quick email thanking them for subscribing and to let them know that whatever you were offering, is on it's way. While waiting for responses, pose the same question again.
You are building a foundation with the people on your list by knowing what they want and then giving it to them. The base of your client/seller relationship is now in the process of being formed and will grow from there into long-term, loyal client/seller relationships. Lay a strong foundation, then begin recommending products to your list.
In having the desire and ability to build a strong foundation and relationship with their lists very quickly and easily, those people are doing very, very well. These are some basic ideas and suggestions you can use in forming that strong, lasting bond with your list.
Bottom line, start with a strong foundation so you can really build rapport by finding out what people on your list want first. Do that and you are free to start selling them your wares, or somebody else's, depending on whether you're selling a product you developed or if you are an affiliate marketer.
Give your list what they are asking for. Do your research, don't start throwing products/services randomly at your list. Be as specific as your question was and as your list's answers were.
By doing it this way, people feel listened to. Allowing for people to feel like they were heard is really a big thing people, and I think we all know that.
Both Phyllis Goldberg & Andrea Mcclure are contributors for EditorialToday. The above articles have been edited for relevancy and timeliness. All write-ups, reviews, tips and guides published by EditorialToday.com and its partners or affiliates are for informational purposes only. They should not be used for any legal or any other type of advice. We do not endorse any author, contributor, writer or article posted by our team.
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