Every good soldier knows not to cross a battlefield without a map of where the land mines are buried. Your battlefield has become, by default, raising your children in the best manner you know how. For the sake of the children, it would be great if you and the spouse you are divorcing could sit down and create this parenting plan together. If that's not possible, then you need to provide some answers to these questions. Deciding ahead of the time when crucial issues must be decided will give you an edge.
About The Children's Feelings
1. You need to decide just how to share with your children that you're getting a divorce. If you don't think quickly on your feet, write it down ahead of time on paper.
2. Make sure they know it was not due to anything they did.
3. Tell them what changes you know have to be made and that you'll make them together. Let them know you'll try to keep as much the same as you can.
4. Decide that you won't say anything to them (like making promises) that you can't follow through on. Their stability leans on your follow through.
5. Decide not to badmouth your ex in front of your child. He still loves him or her and deserves to.
6. Children need both parents. Try to keep moving out of the picture.
About Custody
1. Keep up relationships with in-laws whenever possible. It's part of your kids stability.
2. Decide here and now not to use your child's time with his other parent as a battering ram to punish your ex. It will hurt your child.
3. If your ex doesn't show up when promised, don't make it a big deal in front of your kids, no matter how angry that absence makes you.
4. Decide right now that you will not grill your children when they come home from visiting their other parent about him/her or their new mate.
5. Keep an information sheet with all statistical data about the child and be sure his other parent and his child care giver has a copy.
6. Determine which holidays and school breaks will be spent with which parent.
7. Share information about the child's health, school, etc. with his other parent.
8. When communicating, remember this: your child's greatest good is the most important thing.
9. If the child support cannot be paid on time, it can be collected by the court.
10. Which one of you will be the health care coverage provider?
About Goals For The Children
1. See if you and your ex can establish the same levels of discipline. Be reasonable. Examine what TV shows they can watch; what bedtime needs to be honored; what language is appropriate for example.
2. Determine that homework has to be monitored by both of you, not just the parent the child is living with.
3. Decide with your ex where you'd like to see the kids' achievements in the future and work to keep that goal in mind.
4. Don't permit your child to become alienated from his other parent. He needs both parents.
5. Children thrive when their routines aren't varied. Each parent should try to honor the child's normal routine. Consistency will help keep your child level and achieving normally.
6. Consequences for misbehaviors have to be kept consistent by each parent. Decide what they will be and then follow through.
7. Determine what your standards are for achievement in school and each of you work to support the child to achieve them.
8. If your children have special needs, address how they will be supplied by each of you.
About Your Feelings
1. Don't confide your personal less-than feelings to your child. She/he is not a therapist. She/he cannot solve for you.
2. You will need some alone time. Set this up with your ex. Do whatever it takes to keep yourself sane and level - bubble baths; gardening; a hobby. You'll know.
3. Get a coach, a minister, an older aunt/uncle who can help you through tough situations that occur. You'll benefit from having a support team.
4. You will have to put your children's needs before your own until they are grown. Don't ignore your own needs, however. They must be addressed.
5. If there are disputes over child rearing, seek the help of an arbitrator. Don't feel so all alone.
6. Admit that you were wrong to your children if you were. Children love honesty and, frankly, they already knew you were wrong. When you're honest with them, their esteem of you will increase and you'll get to enjoy an open relationship.
These ideas are not all inclusive. There's a lot more you can find on the internet to flesh these in. With a parenting plan, you can prevent your kids from the negative effects your divorce might have on them. It can also prevent a second divorce and your children certainly don't need that. I don't want to see that happen to you either.
A parenting plan is of tremendous use as it will help in a number of ways including during divorce proceedings. Such instances make it necessary for parents to get together and draw up a plan to provide a cushion for the welfare of the children for the future. In fact, a good parenting plan could be the best gift that parents can give to their children in the event of a divorce.
Helps See through Difficult Times
Parents that have children together will be stuck, and even if the divorce is messy, and the other partner is very difficult, a parenting plan will help parents see through the difficult times with least pain especially when it comes to the children. Divorce does not mean that the parenting responsibilities are terminated, because the parents would still need to share responsibility in rearing the children.
The parenting plan should focus on helping make arrangements for the children and should be discussed with them as well as with all others that are involved. It should contain information, guidance as well as ideas, though each of these plans will differ given that circumstances change, and so requires being adjusted to suit individual needs.
After chalking out a basic plan, it is a good idea to make a copy of it as well as provide a copy to anyone else concerned such as grandparents and the children, if they are old enough. There may also be circumstances arising in which domestic violence ensues or there is risk of harm befalling the child which would necessitate that the parents seek legal advice to form an appropriate specific plan for such an eventuality.
Making a parenting-plan and signing it signifies that it is a statement of the parent's intent, though it is not a legal document and is not an order of the court nor is it intended to be enforced by the court. In case the parent(s) feel that there is a need for a court order, they should seek legal help. The basic objective of such a plan is to help parents make arrangements which change with different circumstances and passage of time. So, it may require regular revisions.
In the event of dissolution, the parent will have to have details of the plan completely worked out and agreed to before filing the parental plan. Most often, the finalized plan is filed shortly before the trial or settlement conference and may form a part of the settlement or pre-order brief. Also, some courts stipulate that the custody and visitation or parenting-plan be in a specific form while others do not. It is thus necessary to check with the local court to ascertain exact requirements.
Both Len Stauffenger & Scott Fromherz are contributors for EditorialToday. The above articles have been edited for relevancy and timeliness. All write-ups, reviews, tips and guides published by EditorialToday.com and its partners or affiliates are for informational purposes only. They should not be used for any legal or any other type of advice. We do not endorse any author, contributor, writer or article posted by our team.
Len Stauffenger has sinced written about articles on various topics from Bathroom Home Improvement, After Divorce and Health. Len Stauffenger's parents taught him life's simple wisdom. As a divorced dad, he wanted to share that simple wisdom with his girls. "Getting Over It: Wisdom for Divorced Parents," his book, is the solution. Len is an author, a Success Coach and an Attorne. Len Stauffenger's top article generates over 110000 views. to your Favourites.
Scott Fromherz has sinced written about articles on various topics from Celebrities, Education Toys and Distance Learning. For more information on parenting plan visit or. Scott Fromherz's top article generates over 74000 views. to your Favourites.