I remember counseling a second grade boy who was a 'Sammy the Slacker.' One day his teacher confided, "When I tell my class, 'Children, please take out your readers,' Sammy leans back in his chair, his arms hanging over its back, and calls out, 'I can’t find my book!' Sure enough, a little girl scrambles over, looks in his messy desk, and finds it for him."
Sammy irritated his teacher, lost the respect of his classmates, and had no friends. These are not the results most parents want for their children. To help Sammy, I worked with his parents. I found out that his mother and grandmother believed it their duty to be servants to their families. They were to pick up after everyone, do all the housework, and smile too.
Sammy’s mom felt her smiles turn to anger. She understood that she was spoiling Sammy, making him weak, dependent, and distasteful to others. She decided to build character in Sammy by changing the beliefs she inherited from her mother.
3 Parenting Tips That Build Character:
Sammy's mom wrote out age-appropriate chores for Sammy. She created a chart to help build his character. She worked with Sammy to choose a goal for his chart.
The goals Sammy's mother offered were clear, simple, and positive. At the top of Sammy’s chart Sammy chose this goal:
"My goal is to do my own work and then help others."
3 Parenting Tips That Motivate:
Sammy's mom offered stickers for his chart. She developed a fun activity list to share with him as a reward. She gave Sammy the choice of which activity to share when he earned a certain number of stickers.
Once the chart was created, Sammy posted it on the refrigerator. Sammy’s mom knew she had to encourage his improvements.
3 Parenting Tips to Encourage Good Behavior:
Sammy's mom rewarded him consistently. She gave the stickers soon after he completed a task. She scheduled his fun activity to do together soon after he earned enough stickers.
Because Sammy’s mom was positive and consistent in rewarding him, he went from being Sammy the Slacker to becoming Sammy the Helper. His teacher sent home reports of improvement and, slowly but surely, Sammy made friends.
Whether you have a Billy the Blamer, a Gretta the Greedy, or a child with some other problem behavior, consider using character building charts. You’ll be teaching your child responsibility, self-discipline, and teamwork. You’ll feel saner and happier. You'll be building character too.
You live a stressful life, what with work demands, shopping, paying the bills, friends, family, hobbies and everything else! And now, your child or children are driving you crazy. You come home, hoping to relax and have a peaceful environment, and the kids are out of control. Can't they see you're stressed? Oh, yes, they see. Maybe not consciously, but more on a subconscious level.
TIP # 1--Your Child Mirrors Your Mood
Your child or children pick up on your mood. So, when your stressed, angry, or frustrated, they are more likely to be that way, too. It's not something the child does on purpose, it's a natural reaction. Think about when your husband or wife is in a bad mood. If you're around them for any time, pretty soon you are in a bad mood, too. It works the same way with you children. They receive their cues from you! As difficult as it may be sometimes, it is important, if you want to alleviate the tension and chaos from your household, to project a calm and positive manner to your child.
TIP # 2-- You Are The Adult
Sounds silly, but time after time, I have seen a mother or father treat their child as if they had the mind of an adult. Children, even teenagers, do not have the development of their brain to comprehend completely the consequences of their actions. Children are self-absorbed. They are only thinking of their world, their immediate needs. When a parent gives their child too many choices, or tells them to do something and expects them to 'fill in the missing pieces' of the action required of them, the child is going to be frustrated, fail, act out, or disappoint you. Not on purpose, but because they don't have the knowledge, experience or development to be able to acceptably complete the task correctly or to your satisfaction. This, of course, stress' you out and you probably take it out on your child. But, think about what happened. Did you explain to your child every step he or she needed to do in order to successfully complete what you wanted? Or did you assume they would inherently know what to do?
TIP #3--Your Child Needs And Wants Structure
Young children to teenagers feel more secure and comfortable with structure and routine. They need to know what to expect and when to expect it. It is reassuring to them. When a child is an environment where activities, schedules, rules routines are constantly changing, the child will constantly be in a state of tension and, possibly, anxiety. Your child will behave in the ways you wish him or her to, when your child has developed a routine of acceptable behavior because you have created that structure and routine. What this means is that, as hectic and busy as the family schedule may be, you must make an effort to make a structured schedule and stick to it, at least 70% of the time. Dinner at a set time, homework to be completed before fun with the electronic games. Maybe cell phones in a basket until chores are done. If you have been running your family environment chaotic, the change to routine and structure needs to be implemented, not all at once, but gradually. First, family dinner at a set time, then bed time, and so on.
It's not going to be easy or an overnight turn around for your family life to change. Remember, you are the one in control of making it happen. Your children do want to please you! They aren't happy either when they are acting out or out of control. The sooner you start understanding your child's motivation and needs and creating an environment that supports those positively, the sooner your family life will be a joy to come home to.
Both Jean Tracy & Kate Carpenter are contributors for EditorialToday. The above articles have been edited for relevancy and timeliness. All write-ups, reviews, tips and guides published by EditorialToday.com and its partners or affiliates are for informational purposes only. They should not be used for any legal or any other type of advice. We do not endorse any author, contributor, writer or article posted by our team.
Jean Tracy has sinced written about articles on various topics from Culture and Society, Self Improvement and Motivation and Parenting. Jean Tracy, MSS, "Granny Jean" publishes a FREE Parenting Newsletter at Subscribe and receive 80 free fun activities to share with your ki. Jean Tracy's top article generates over 12100 views. to your Favourites.
Kate Carpenter has sinced written about articles on various topics from Parenting, Cure Anxiety and Cleaning Business. will give you over 3000 of all the resources and tools you need to support and help you create a pleasant and happy home,. Kate Carpenter's top article generates over 1600 views. to your Favourites.