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[L443]Living With Elderly Parents
by Gail Mcconnon, Gai
You're an intelligent midlife-er. What seems to be the problem?

- Is it that your aging mother keeps changing her mind about what she most needs, and so never quite lands on anything you can wrap your credit card around?

- Or, perhaps it's your elderly father who's flat out saying he doesn't need nor want anything . . . at least nothing you could buy.

You do have my sympathy. Of course, that doesn't go very far when ideas are running on empty does it?

The thing is: You don't really believe either one of them do you? I do hope not. There's always something they could use. They might simply be having difficulty putting what they most want or need from you into words.

Perhaps I can help. After all, I have some experience with elderly parents who made a science of "needing nothing" I could buy. That never meant there was nothing they WANTED. It was just that the supreme gift required what might be considered a supreme commitment on my part. How on earth do they ask for such a beast?!

Okay, I've beaten around the hedge long enough. Where I'm heading first is the "COMMITMENT" part. This is a gift that definitely requires a time commitment on your part. If you can't give it and stand by it, you'd best bundle up and zip on over to the mall right now before all the crowds get testy and the good stuff is gone. No questions asked. No judgments made.

Still here? Good, because you have work to do and not all the time in the world. First thing: Get online, or go to a neighborhood store or the mall, and find something practical for them. (You didn't realllllllllllly think you could totally get out of this part, did you?) Anyway, you know there are things they need. Perhaps one of the following:

- Is their house old, cold, and drafty? Arrange to fix one or several of the problem areas - or to have them fixed. (I'll leave the particulars to you.)

- Does your mom or dad have physical problems that demand a few changes to their house - for safety purposes? Pick one or several, and take care of things.

- Does your mom like pretty little things - and love ANYTHING that comes from you? (The same question for your dad, but with tools or whatever else it is he enjoys.)

- Do they like home baked bread or cookies or cakes? Then get baking!

Just get or do something small. It doesn't have to cost a fortune . . but it does have to show that you love them enough to spend the time to pick it out or make it.

Alright, that takes care of the "stuff" part of things. Now, on to the real gift . . the supreme gift . . . the LEGACY gift.

If you've been reading any magazines or the "Life" section of your local paper lately, you're bound to have seen the word "legacy" pop up. It's one of the latest things. In your case, though, it's important.

This is where the commitment part comes in. For your elderly mom or dad, the quest for their legacy is just about the most important thing going on in their lives.

- It's a sorting out of what's happened in their lives, the roles they've played and how well they played those roles, and whether and how much any of it mattered.

- It's a figuring out of what they value, and whether they've lived up to those values.

- It's the ultimate discovery of who they really are, and what parts of themselves will last when they're gone.

You may not notice it - aside from their seemingly constant repeating of old stories and searching for details in happenings that took place long before your time - but it's THEIR supreme commitment. And as much as you keep trying to diagnose this repetition as the onset of dementia . . . and as much as you desperately want them to leave that "old" stuff behind and move on to more current issues . . . it isn't going to happen.

Your gift, then, is to jump in there with them. Get your hands dirty, so to speak. Jump in there and help them uncover the lost treasures in their lives...the ones that tell them (and you) who they are are down deep - where it counts.

And here's the commitment part: It doesn't happen quickly. You have to commit for the long haul. You have to be willing to listen to those same old stories over and over again - and to help them pull each individual strand into place. They're only repeating them because they haven't gotten them figured out yet. Once they've pulled the meaning from them, they'll move on. (If the repetition's driving you nuts, remember that this is your gift to them. You're giving your patience and your time as well as your help and understanding.)

Your part is to listen and to ask questions. I'm not talking simple, one word answer-type questions. You have to learn to ask, and commit to giving the time it takes for them to go inside to answer the questions that define their lives. This is important, life affirming work, my friend. And you - their most perfect child - are the most perfect person to take it on.

What do you say? Can you "afford" to commit to this most supreme gift? You've excelled at everything else in your life, right? This could be your defining challenge.

Just think of all the things you've always wanted to know about them, but didn't know where to look. The book's standing right in front of you. Go ahead. Commit to opening it wide and discovering the treasures it holds.

When it comes to giving (AND receiving), you can't get much better than this!

Taking Care or Elderly Parents can be very stressful. When they are feeling ill, there's an endless list of doctor's appointments and tests. Every doctor's appointment seems to result in a medical test which in turn results in another doctor's appointment. And doctors are never on time. In fact it usually takes over an hour for a doctor's appointment and you don't get paid for waiting. Medical tests? Another wait for the test and some of these tests take up to three or more hours. Doctors and hospitals can become an unwelcome way of life.

Personally, my mother has complained of fatigue, stomach and abdominal issues, and hemorrhoids for years. In addition to that she suffered from brain fog and memory loss. In the midst of her ailments I suffered from doctor's remorse with all the appointments and trips to the hospital emergency room, testing facilities...

Her abdominal issues were due to Candida Albicans which were fueled by her adolescent desire to eat carbohydrates and little protein.  Of all the choices for protein the only one I could get her to eat was hamburger. When it came to vegetables forget it.

In desperation I bought a vita mix and began making her a drink with one clove of garlic, a stalk of celery, a carrot, and a small red beet. I also added a probiotic to the drink along with some protein powder. Fortunately, she welcomed it and within a few weeks and her modified diet (limited carbohydrates) plus Golden Seal before meals, the Candida was brought under control and her memory improved significantly. A stool sample showed that she had the type of Candida that would respond to Golden Seal or oregano.

Her health and memory improved to an acceptable level. Instead of doctor's appointments which resulted in the doctor shaking his head in confusion and ordering more tests on a weekly basis we went to every three or four weeks.

She also complained of poor vision in one eye and we consulted an ophthalmologist. She was as healthy as she had been in years so I thought it a good opportunity to have her get her cataract operation.

Even though the procedure was done outside the hospital in just a few hours it was tremendously stressful for her physiology. Brain fog and memory loss returned immediately. I had to guide her three times a day over the phone in how to apply the three different drops in her eye. She could not remember the basics and was very anxious about getting it right. In just one day her mental and physical health slid back to zero and the special vegetable drink seemed to have little value.

One morning as I rode to work I was listening to a station that I never listen to. I didn't know if it was an infomercial, an interview, or an expensive advertisement, but it was about vitamin B12, folic acid and Vitamin B6. My ears perked up as it was a means of replacing B12 shots she was getting every other week. The irony was that after she had the shot she became fatigued for a day and overall we couldn't see any value in the shots plus it was another unwelcome reason to wait in the doctor's office another hour every other week.

The radio infomercial (if that's what it was) indicated that B12, B6 and folic acid were meant to be in combination and went on to indicate that if this product were given to all seniors, their health and memories would dramatically improve. The good news was that the B12, B6, and folic acid were administered sublingually (under the tongue) rather than in a shot and that to get things started, the person taking the treatment should take it at least once each day. Being a stress management specialist and a person somewhat in tune with nutrition, everything said made a lot of sense to me and for around $30 for a month's supply I thought the risk was minimal plus I was desperate.

Each tablet is equivalent to a B12 shot and just after two days my mother's memory improved to the point I didn't need to guide her through how to use the eye drops. After six weeks, her memory improved dramatically and her brain fog is no more and fatigue is greatly diminished. Her  hemorrhoids  have also improved which her doctor attributes to using Tucks and magnesium oxide cream instead of baby wipes and doctor's appointments are every six weeks.

I have no financial interest in this product and don't resell it. I am merely passing along what I feel is valuable information that can make a difference in dealing with elderly parents. If you are interested go to B12now.com to learn more. I also take it because it is also beneficial to prevent heart disease (an option to playing the cholesterol game). If you have interest in stress management and or hypnosis cd's please read the resource box--you'll find real value there too--that's what I do.

Article Source : Pg. 203

About Author
Both Gail Mcconnon & Richard Kuhns are contributors for EditorialToday. The above articles have been edited for relevancy and timeliness. All write-ups, reviews, tips and guides published by EditorialToday.com and its partners or affiliates are for informational purposes only. They should not be used for any legal or any other type of advice. We do not endorse any author, contributor, writer or article posted by our team.

Gail Mcconnon has sinced written about articles on various topics from Family, self improvement and motivation and Aging. An expert on "letting go in aging," helps midlife adults clear out the emotional baggage that interferes in their rela. Gail Mcconnon's top article generates over 2400 views. to your Favourites.

Richard Kuhns has sinced written about articles on various topics from Panic Attacks, Cure Anxiety and Guided Meditation. Richard Kuhns B.S. Ch. E., NGH certified operated a stress management clinic for 17 years, educator and seminar leader for various corporations, and is the author behind the best selling stress management hypnosis self help cds at. Richard Kuhns's top article generates over 14800 views. to your Favourites.
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