I bet your wondering where the idea of wedding gifts originated? You’ll have to travel back to the time when men no longer bartered for their wives. With the tradition of choosing your bride, also came the tradition of friends and family bearing gifts. In those days articles were functional and useful additions to the couple’s house, making their lives easier.

The Grecians were into presenting lush and lavish gifts. It was a big competition to see who could present the most lavish gift. Brides and grooms were presented with precious jewelry, gold vases, magnificent clothing or furniture.

These days’ things have really changed. Wedding gift etiquette of the past, simply does not work today. For couples who have been married before they already have all the household toys, so what is one to buy? Even if a couple has not been married before, most have run their own households so they still have everything they need. Many couples request no gifts. Some will ask for cash gifts, so they can put the funds towards a vacation, a house, or bigger ticket item. Is this okay? How big of wedding gift should one buy? It seems no matter what a person buys, they feel they’ve not spent enough, or bought the wrong type of gift. Relax!! And go with the modern day flow!

The best thing the bride and groom can do for their guests, it to let them know what you are looking for. Funny, brides and grooms feel bad playing the “what they need" card, and guests are too uncomfortable to broche the subject for fear of offending the bride and groom.

First, it’s okay for the wedding couple to ask for cash only. The correct way is to include a little note in the invitation that reads something like. Because we are saving for [insert item] we would appreciate cash donations in lieu of gifts. Thanks so much! It’s simple and to the point and these days people understand. For many it’s much easier than trying to figure out what you need.

If you are blending two households that are financially set, and you don’t want any gifts or cash, then make a note of this on your invitation. Some people will feel uncomfortable with not providing a gift. So you could include a note that reads. We would like to decline any gifts. If you would like to give, please donate to our favorite charity [insert here]. Many thanks! Or, you can indicate they can donate to their favorite charity.

If you are going to be accepting gifts, then do your guests a favor and have several wedding gift registries set up at various stores. This will alleviate a lot of stress for your guests and insure you receive items you really need or want.

My daughter’s wedding is coming up shortly. Her and her fiancée are planning to take a 6 month backpacking trip into South America, right after the wedding. So their gift registry is made up of the camping supplies they will need. Be creative! Fine tune your gift registry to what “you" want and need. It will please your guests to know they are spending their hard earned money on something you will actually use.

These days, anything goes. The only big tip about wedding gift etiquette is to be polite in your requests. You’ll feel better and so will your guests!