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Surprisingly enough, cheaters often suffer from low self esteem, causing them to continually look for validation and approval from others, and often others who are of the opposite sex. Cheating spouses also tend to play psychological games with their partners, accusing them of being the ones who are unfaithful in at attempt to take the focus off of their own transgressions and guilt.
While there's no one particular rule book to follow as to what a cheating spouse does or will do, there are definitely some obvious signs and changes that one should be able to recognize. Here are just a few of those changes to watch for that cheating spouses often make in their lives:
- Changes in appearance: Are your wife's nails always neatly manicured when before it wasn't ever a concern of hers? Has her hairstyle dramatically changed or is she now wearing more provocative clothes? Is your husband now suddenly overly concerned with his appearance?
- Changes in demeanor: A cheating spouse will most usually begin behaving differently in some way or another. Usually at the beginning of the affair, or when one is contemplating one, they will become more attentive to their spouse, which is, of course, due to the guilt they're feeling. It's also often said that women who are cheating will have a certain "glow" about them, similar to a giddy teenager "in love."
Other times, people who are cheating will go out of their way to avoid an argument at all costs and becomes either defensive or visibly nervous when the subject of infidelity is brought up or discussed.
- Changes in interest on the home front: A cheating spouse will most usually lose interest in family life, or things that go on around the house, or become noticeably lazy when at home. A man may take less interest in doing repairs or keeping up the appearance of the home, or take less of an interest in the kids, while a woman may also lose interest in housework, making dinner, or spending time at home. Both sexes may become indifferent when it comes to family gatherings or get-togethers, while others will avoid activities like attending church.
- Changes in grooming habits: By the time we're adults, most of us have adopted our own grooming habits and patterns that we follow on a daily basis. For instance, some of us shower in the morning before work, while others prefer to do so in the evening before bed, while others still may do both.
Regardless of the frequency of bathing or showering, a cheating spouse will almost always make subtle, or sometimes even noticeable, changes to their routine that's relatively easy to pick up on, provided you're actually looking, that is. Does your husband now wear cologne wherever he goes but never did before? Does he take it with him to the "gym"? Is he now showering as soon as he returns home, or before getting into bed at night?
Since everyone is different, not every person will fit the profile of a cheating spouse all of the time, so it's important to trust your instincts and intuition when it comes to finding out if your mate has indeed been unfaithful to you.
Spouses who cheat can leave a wake of pain and emotional destruction behind them. Being cheated on can feel terrible, and when it happens in a marriage it can feel even worse. And when you are cheated on, it brings up a lot of questions about your future. For example: what should you do about the situation? Should you confront your spouse about it? Should you leave him or her?
These are common questions for people in your situation. If you are sure that your spouse is cheating on you, I have put together some guidelines to help you figure out what to do next. Here are 5 signs for when to leave a cheating spouse:
1. They make no effort to hide their cheating
If your spouse knows that you know something serious is going on behind your back but does nothing to correct their ways, this is a clear sign that your spouse at some level does not respect you enough. In fact, if your spouse barely works at trying to cover his or her tracks concerning their cheating, it is time for you to immediately start making plans to exit your marriage. Whether your spouse is trying to give you some sort of twisted signal that they are dissatisfied or whether they just have no respect for your feelings or dignity, either way it is time to say bye-bye to the marriage.
2. They have cheated on you with more than one other person
It may be that your spouse has recently come to you to admit that they have been cheating. Or, maybe you have caught them with another lover, directly or through evidence you have found. Either way, you are now likely trying to consider your options. Here is one thing that should sway you in the direction of a divorce: if you find out that your spouse has cheated on you with more than one other person. In other words, if this is the second, third or more time they have been caught cheating, you have a chronic situation going on that is not likely to mend itself, no matter how sorry your spouse may seem to be acting right now.
3. You find out they have cheated on every person they have been with
Similar to #2 above, if you found out that your spouse is a "cheating repeat offender" with most or all of the other people they have been with, that is a sign that you need to take serious steps toward ending your relationship. People who continue to cheat on those who trust them the most have serious issues that will not likely be fixed through one or two sessions of counseling.
4. You find out they were not having safe sex
Spouses who cheat should at least have the presence of mind and caring for their husband or wife that they wear protection or make their other lover wear protection when they are with another person. After all, with the many diseases prevalent in the world today, wearing protection can mean the difference between life and death. If your spouse has skipped this minimal courtesy, you should consider ending the relationship.
5. They show no remorse when caught
If you caught your spouse cheating, directly or indirectly, they should have immediately begun apologizing profusely to you and tried to make it up to you in any way they could. If they did not, you should take it as a sign that they are basically asking for you to let them go or leave them. Or, at the very least, it is a sign that your relationship is in a very unhealthy place.
On the other hand, if you have found out that your spouse has been cheating on you lately but they have not committed any of the violations to your dignity mentioned above, it may be worth giving them a second chance. In the end, only you know the right answer. If you do decide to try to repair your relationship, be sure to arm yourself with the knowledge you need in order to be successful.