When distrust, arises in a relationship there are many factors which can be causing it. Unless we understand where these feelings are coming from, it becomes easy to act out, blame the partner and put all kinds of unhealthy demands upon them. We can even believe that they are cheating when they are not.
When feelings of distrust arise, some begin to create more and more restrictions upon the partner, demand more information and make them feel closed in. This often can be the beginning of the end. In all relationships every individual needs time alone, time with friends and of course time together.
When we take away a person's individuality and freedom to grow, sooner or later the individual feels trapped. Not only does this destroy your partner's trust and good feelings about themselves, but they can easily grow to feel that there is no way to ever make you secure and happy.
The best way to develop trust is to take a moment to first understand some basic laws of healthy relationships, and what love truly means.
Loving another person does not mean possessing them, or having them there to make you feel better about yourself. This is not loving or respectful of who they are. Instead we are turning them into an object, who exists to meet our needs. We are then, not loving, but using that person.
We all must develop basic trust in our partners and ourselves from within. If a partner is truly not deserving of trust, then tracking their behavior and restriction their lives will not help at all. In fact, it usually makes matters worse. The person simply goes underground, or finds other ways to sabotage the relationship, in order to gain their freedom.
Some individuals are filled with distrust because they never resolve past hurts about being cheated on in former relationships. They then project this hurt and insecurity upon the partner they are with now. A current relationship cannot take away old wounds. Each person must take time and responsibility to work through what happened and the feelings they were left with as a result of it. Sooner or later they must realize that their partner is different and their situation is a new one as well.
If one requires that their present partner take away the pain they are feeling, they are looking in the wrong direction. No matter how loving a person is, no matter how solid the relationship, they cannot take away pain and confusion that exists within oneself. Each person must face their feelings and work them through on their own.
There are many ways to build self-esteem and to feel safe once again. Just as we work out in a gym each day, we need to work on ourselves emotionally to build the strength we need to combat fear and negativity. One exercise that can be used is - to consciously look for the good - both in your partner and yourself. Whenever you find yourself dwelling upon negativities step back, take a deep breath, and consciously choose to focus upon what is good and right in both of you. This will create calm, balance and positivity.
Doing this exercise, becoming calm and positive will not cause you to gloss over reality, but to be able to be focused and even better aware of what's going on. Needless to say, in cases where the partner does not deserve to be trusted, when there is clear evidence of wrong doing, if you are calm and positive, you will then be able to make healthier, constructive choices for yourself.
Most of us think we know what makes a relationship last but we don't always get it right. For instance, are you aware that you don't have to always spice things up in your relationship? Being reliable has greater importance than spice in a relationship. The following 8 tips will solidify the bond with your partner by building up the most important ingredient in a relationship: trust. 1.) As I mentioned earlier, being reliable is essential. This is contrary to the common perception that you have to keep the excitement up in order to keep your partner interested. A dash of spice once in a while will help, but trust is the real foundation of a stable relationship. Trust means having an unquestioning belief that your partner will be there through good times and bad. You build this trust through steady reliability every single day. 2.) Remember that what you say should never be at odds with your body language. If you say that you're feeling happy but you have a frown on your face, he or she will instantly notice this. You shouldn't keep your partner in the dark about what you truly feel, because holding something back doesn't inspire trust. Trust is built when you say what you mean and there's no mismatch between your words and your message. 3.) Always make sure that your words match your actions. In this case, I'm not talking about body language. If you say one thing but do something else, you will have lost credibility. This lack of credibility will rapidly erode trust in a relationship. 4.) Always maintain a strong conviction about the competence of your partner. Of course everyone is better at some things than at others, but you must believe in the overall competence of your partner. Contempt destroys the trust between the two of you. 5.) You should never keep secrets from your partner. Secrets generally have a way of being found out with time. After finding out, your partner will continually wonder about any other secrets that you may have. A lot of time is needed to create trust while secrets can completely undo trust. 6.) It's important to make your needs known to your partner. He or she shouldn't have to guess what it is that you need. Balance is important in that extreme self centeredness is as bad as extreme selflessness. Reluctance to assert your needs denies your partner the chance to contribute by doing some giving. 7.) You shouldn't be afraid about having to say no. A person expressing his or her needs is a perfectly healthy thing. But there comes a time when saying yes is inappropriate. You won't be taken seriously if you give in all of the time. Respect is vital in creating lasting trust in your relationship. 8.) You shouldn't be afraid of turmoil, hardship, or crisis. There is no relationship in the world that isn't exempt from this. When a crisis has been surmounted, your relationship grows and strengthens. Building trust can be difficult. But a stable and lasting relationship is worth the work.
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