Have you ever believed something vehemently, and set about to convince someone else, and failed completely? It seems like the more earnest and determined we are, the more likely we are to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory, so to speak.
Penn is saying that when we're too emotionally invested in something, we can have exactly the opposite effect than what we hope for.
If you're like me, you may even have faced someone who has already convinced of their proposition and you're ready to ?buy,? and then been so turned off by their presentation or their attitude toward you, that you walk away.
Emotional Intelligence is about understanding and using emotion, in yourself and others. Emotion gives us information, in its raw form. We then think about the information and whether we want to respond to it at the time. We want to reach a logical conclusion, make the best decision, and choose the wisest course of action.
When you have a truth to deliver, when you want to convince someone else of something, consider using a soft, calm tone of voice. Emotion motivates and convinces, but, particular where intellectual material is concerned (facts, ration, logic), only in its moderation. It is especially effective when the general tone is that of respect for the other, caring about them, curiosity for their position and concerns, and such quiet confidence in yourself that you don't need to ?beat a dead horse.?
As usual, we can count on Shakespeare to have said it best: ?The lady doth protest too much, methinks,? he wrote (Hamlet). Consciously or unconsciously we wonder ? if this is such a great idea, why is she trying so hard. Something must be wrong. We naturally resist such pressure.
The wagging finger and harsh tone of the school m'arm, or intimidating chest-thumping defeat your purpose because they arouse emotions that interfere with thinking. They may also make the person dislike you, just because of the tone of your voice.
Wise counselors, coaches, speakers, teachers and parents lower their voices and slow down just before delivering the important information. Avoid overly intense eye contact as well.
When you need to correct a child, give a performance review, or have a talk with your husband, speak softly (and maybe you have a bigger stick in the long run).
Give it a try and let me know how it works for you.
Understanding and using these principles will help you feel more confident about the choices you make and help you develop the skills you need to tell the truth with grace and skill.
* Think about how what you say will impact the other person.
Often, truth-telling is perceived as criticism. Before criticizing someone, put yourself in their shoes by answering the following questions.
* Are they in any shape to hear this? * Have they heard it before? * Can they do anything about it? * Am I committed enough that I would be willing to stay overtime to work this through? * Am I positive that this criticism is really about them and not about myself - something I don=t want to take responsibility for? * Is it possible that maybe what they really need is more validation?
* Build rapport and trust. It doesn't do any good to tell the truth to someone who isn't ready to hear it.
You can help someone get ready to hear what is true for you, if you first take the time to learn what is true for them.
One easy way to do this is to listen carefully to what they say to you and check your understanding by paraphrasing it back to them and asking if you have heard them correctly. Many books and training programs provide instruction for this active listening technique.
* Don't always tell the truth; sometimes asking questions to understand the other's truth is more valuable.
When you strongly disagree with other's positions about something, sharing your own opposite beliefs may lead to conflict and cut off further conversation. To create a dialog instead of an argument, try asking for more detailed explanations of their views.
Although you feel tempted to refute their positions, keep listening and asking questions until you feel you understand how they have arrived at their beliefs, and why those beliefs are important to them. When you reach this point decide whether or not it now seems useful or important to share your own truth.
* Express your truth in a way that communicates that the other person is valuable and important to you.
Most people want to know that you care, before they care what you know.
Listening is one way of showing that you care. Not interrupting is another. Expressing your genuine appreciation for something that they have said or done helps others know you care about them. You also show interest when you remember and refer to personal information they have previously shared with you.
* Share your experiences - what you see, hear, feel, intuit - before your conclusions and interpretations; invite others person to do the same.
When sharing your experiences, first describe what you have noticed (seen, heard, or felt). Then ask whether your interpretations and conclusions are correct.
You might say "I noticed..., I believe it means that..., Am I right?"
Both Susan Dunn & Laurie Weiss are contributors for EditorialToday. The above articles have been edited for relevancy and timeliness. All write-ups, reviews, tips and guides published by EditorialToday.com and its partners or affiliates are for informational purposes only. They should not be used for any legal or any other type of advice. We do not endorse any author, contributor, writer or article posted by our team.
Susan Dunn has sinced written about articles on various topics from Emotional Intelligence, Flirting Tips and Emotional Intelligence. Susan Dunn,Coach, , email,sdunn@susandunn.cc. Individ. coaching, business programs, interactive. Susan Dunn's top article generates over 40500 views. to your Favourites.
Laurie Weiss has sinced written about articles on various topics from Burnout, Travel and Leisure and Guide Guitar. Learn more about these principles by reading the stories of ordinary people who are learning about how to tell the truth effectively in.. Laurie Weiss's top article generates over 27100 views. to your Favourites.