I believe that finding, sustaining, growing, and enjoying satisfying relationships is one of greatest joys and challenges we have as human beings. We have generally been blessed with a tremendous desire to love and be loved; to listen and be listened to; to take care of and accept care from others. And yet meaningful, sustainable relationships often elude us ? especially as it applies to the opposite sex.
Here are some things I've learned in my walk through life - as a divorced single mom, widower, and over 50 remarried - about finding and sustaining a ?soul-mate? relationship 1. Know who you are and what you want. You'll never get what you want if you don't know what it is. As women look for love, we often take what comes our way rather than seeking what and who we want. Knowing the type of person you want to spend the rest of your life with comes from knowing who you are ? your values, interests, what you can/will tolerate, what you won't. 2. Learn how to disagree, speak your mind, and/or confront. Avoiding conflict is death for a marriage. It may seem like you're on the 1right path by never, ever arguing or disagreeing but avoiding conflict requires repression of anger, which leads to depression of feelings. Passion is extinguished in this environment. Learn to fight fair and keep the slate clear. (see article on What Are You Afraid Of?)
3. Speaking of passion ? keep the fire lit! I think women often underestimate the critical role sexuality and having a really good sex life plays in a successful marriage. Men, you know what I'm talking about! Create romantic opportunities, ask for what you want, talk, talk, talk ? do what you as a couple need to do to keep this aspect of your relationship alive and well.
4. Don't allow children and child-raising to take precedence over your marital relationship. A great marriage is the best gift you can give your children. Get away from the kids on a regular basis. Find a good sitter! Arrange for an overnight with just the two of you at least once a year. Talk about matters other than the kids, the bills, the family. Someday it will just be the two of you again. Be sure you still know each other.
5. Take responsibility for your actions and affirm each other. Say, ?I'm sorry? when you make a mistake or hurt your partner. Say, ?Thank you? when they do something for you. Appreciate what your husband does! Don't take ?expected? action for granted. Recognition and affirmation are two of the best gifts you can give each other. Spend them freely.
6. Don't take on the persona of, ?I shouldn't have to ask ? he should know.? This is one of the greatest mistakes women make in a relationship. I hear women say things like, ?But if I have to ask for it, the real meaning/pleasure/gesture is lost.? Get over it! Men can't read our minds. They're not always tuned in or on the same wave length. Maybe they just don't know. Be a big girl and ask for what you want! (I'm pretty tough on this issue)
7. Get help if you need it. Don't put your head under a bushel. If your relationship is in trouble (no matter whose ?fault? either one of you thinks it is), seek out ways to make it better. Find a relationship coach, a therapist, a marriage counselor, a book ? I highly recommend John Gray's Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus In the Bedroom (it's on tape so you can listen to it together), Don't give up ? keep searching and talking and striving until things get better. The answer rarely lies in changing partners.
Coaching tip Review what you have, what you want, the hidden or apparent treasure of love. If you have a soul mate, never, never take this relationship for granted. It is rare indeed! Did you find this article useful? For more useful tips and hints, points to ponder and keep in mind, techniques, and insights pertaining to love and relationships, do please browse for more information at our websites.
We are meant to live a life of love. However, no matter how successful some are in other aspects of their lives, they don't feel it's possible to have the same success in love. They tell themselves to "be realistic." But being in love is the most mature and realistic thing you can do. The real question is, how can we learn to help love grow in all aspects of our lives? Here are some steppingstones will show how to help love grow.
The One Right Besides You
Most of the time we are either searching for the right person or wanting to change the one we are with. We do not take a precious moment to stop and truly see the one who is right in front of our eyes.
Look at a person who is close to you right now ? anyone it happens to be. Notice what you are demanding of them in order to be happy together. Then notice the ways in which you push them away.
For a moment, stop it. Spend time just being together. Allow things to go whatever way they do. Let all of it be fine just as it is. Tomorrow, do the same thing with someone else. The more we can be "right" and happy with each person we meet, the fuller and more joyous our lives will be.
Playing At The Game of Love
So many complain that they are not loved. The reason for this can be quite simple. They are so busy playing roles and games that the partner never gets to know who they really are. They never know either.
Notice what roles (or games) you play in relationships, and what roles you demand others play.. See if you are in love with the person you are with, or with the role he/she is playing right now.
Turn this around for a little while. Stop playing roles completely. Love is not a game we play. Love is knowing and accepting yourself and the other exactly as they are. Who we are is always loveable and beautiful. It's the roles that get in the way.
Letting Him Come and Letting Him Go
One great obstacle in living a life of love is the tendency to hold on. We grasp and cling to those we care for, preventing their freedom and ease. But this is not love, it is attachment and dependency. In the long run it suffocates the one you cling to and suffocates you too.
Try giving it up for awhile. Let the person come and go as they feel. See how wonderful both of you will feel when you grant your partner this kind of trust. It is said that we can never lose that which belongs to us.
It's important to put this into action. When someone comes into your life (or day) practice letting him come. Welcome the person ? whoever he is. Enjoy what it is he brings.When it is time for a person to go away, practice letting him go. Do not turn the person's leaving into an experience of rejection, loss or abandonment. Realize that his leaving has nothing to do with you. It is simply time for him to go.
Do this with yourself as well. Let yourself come and go freely in life, not tying yourself in unnecessary chains. The more we free others and ourselves, the more love can grow.
Letting Go Of Unnecessary Expectations
Many feel that love is not possible unless all their demands are met. They can be quite amazed to discover that even when these demands are met, nothing really changes. These demands don't lead to happiness. They just may be obstacles to love.
Take a look at what you feel is absolutely necessary in relationships. Realize this Expectations may be keeping all kinds of people and possibilities away. Not only that, these expectations can be making you fearful and rigid, not open to what is available.
Let one of these demands subside. At first let it go for just one day and see how it feels. (Remember you can always take it back again). Now try another the next day. As we do this many times, we may find that that which we thought was crucial was only getting in the way. The more we do this the lighter we will feel and all kinds of new people will start appearing in our lives. We have made room.
Both Jaiprakash Sharma & Brenda Shoshanna are contributors for EditorialToday. The above articles have been edited for relevancy and timeliness. All write-ups, reviews, tips and guides published by EditorialToday.com and its partners or affiliates are for informational purposes only. They should not be used for any legal or any other type of advice. We do not endorse any author, contributor, writer or article posted by our team.