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[H1278]How To Influence Others

by Sharon Bray-mcpherson, Sha

Unless you're a hypnotist you will never be able to control people. But you can influence the way people react, in ways that can benefit you. You can let people do what they want to do while you influence their decisions in certain situations. This article will show you ways to do that.

First Know What You Want

Fix the idea of what you want to achieve in this association or relationship firmly in your mind. Know exactly what you want and expect and clarify any vague objectives you may have. Clarity of purpose is the first step to putting your influencing abilities to work.

There are three main things that people subconsciously seek in any relationship. They are:

1. Recognition
2. Material Rewards
3. Confidence & Trust in Others

RECOGNITION

We all have the need for recognition and praise. Everybody wants and needs to feel important and
special. The act of praising and recognizing another is a strong motivator. Always reward with
praise, and give positive, constructive criticism only if absolutely needed. Remember that old cliche' your Mother used to tell you, "If you can't say something nice about someone don't say anything at all"? This is impossible in a business relationship.

Everybody possesses some quality that they can be recognized for and complimented on. You may have to search deeply for it, but when you find it let your customer or associate know how admirable you find such a quality. If you are patient, in time you will see the results of your praise.

MATERIAL REWARDS

Material rewards mean a lot to people, whether they realize it or not. Always add a little extra to your product or service and let the customer know, discreetly of course, that they are receiving the bonus because you value and respect them, and their patronage.

Be sincere and don't go overboard. They will see right through phoniness and you will have lost the trust and confidence that you are attempting to gain.

Over Deliver

Promise people alot, and then give them more. This is the way the highest achievers have made it. Tell people what you will do for them and then do it... and more.

CONFIDENCE & TRUST IN OTHERS

Everyone needs to feel that the person they are dealing with is trust-worthy and has their best
interest at heart. This can be attained when people know exactly who they are doing business with and what is expected from them. We need this in our business associates, jobs, friends, family, etc. There are several ways to increase another's feelings of trust and confidence:

a) Let people know exactly who they are dealing with and how they can get in touch with you. Don't hide behind a Website with a fake email address or no address at all. Put all of your contact information, including telephone number and snail mail address right out front where it is easily found.

b) Let people know what you have to offer and what you will be receiving from them in return. Tell them why the association or relationship you have with them is important to you.

c) Let them know how their association with you is helping you. They know the main objective of your
business is to make money. If you try to pretend otherwise you'll turn them off in a heartbeat. Make them feel important and special to you because they are, or at least they should be. If all you see from any business transaction is what's in it for you regardless of what you have to do to get it your customer will sense this and take their business to the next comparable Website down the information super-highway. Show them that they are appreciated and you and your business will be appreciated. Positive testimonials and recommendations from happy and satisfied customers are worth as much, if not more, than a number one ranking in the search engines.

Understand Expectations

Have a clear understanding of what your customer or associate expects of you and what you actually expect of yourself from this association. People often set unrealistic and sometimes unattainable goals for themselves and others. If all parties know the hoped for results in the relationship from the beginning it will be much easier to obtain those results.

Emphasize Comfort

Make sure people are comfortable in their association with you. If they are not, ask yourself what you are or are not doing that could be causing their uneasiness. If you can't think of the reason behind their reluctance or insecurity, ask. Then LISTEN to the answer and solve the problem. It will mean alot to them to know that you put forth the extra effort to calm or dispel their insecurities.

Don't Play The "Blame Game"

No one is perfect. We all make mistakes, but do we all live up to them? If you make a mistake, apologize for it. If you are wrong, admit your error. Do not feel guilty about your honest mistakes. Instead look at them as a learning ground.

Don't be guilty of "passing the buck." If your name is on that business then a screw-up is your responsibility. If one of your employees makes a mistake it's still your mistake. Don't pass it off as your employee's fault. This will make you look childish and immature. Not enough people in today's society take responsibility for their own actions. Everybody wants to pass the blame.

I would rather deal with someone who admits a mistake, especially if it was not of their own making, and attempts to correct it, than to do business with someone who plays the "it wasn't my fault game." You'll find your customers and associates will have much more respect for you also.

Be Persistent

Resolve to do everything better and be persistent until you attain the results you've been trying to achieve. Anything worth doing once is worth doing again. Don't let rejection or any other negative experience stop you. Learn from the negatives, better yourself, and keep on going.

Do Unto Others

If you are unwilling to go out of your way for your customers or associates, don't expect them to go out of their way for you. You need to set the first example.

Give People What They Want

If you want something from others, you must first give. Don't expect others to make the first move - you have to. If you want to be successful in life and business, you must make the first move. Everybody has certain goals and objectives they wish to achieve. If you can help them reach their goals and objectives, they will want to return the favor. Give people what they want, but more than they expected and you will always be ahead.

In my executive coaching practice I encounter many clients who want to be more influential. Influence is often stated in terms of, "It's not what you know, it's who you know". But in the context of corporate life, as managers climb the corporate ladder, they need to be able to exert influence regardless of the depth of their personal relationship with others. Influence is needed to push ideas forward, gain acceptance for strategic plans, persuade investors to input more cash, shape policies, or simply to conclude a negotiation weighted in our favour. Many books have been written on influence but in this short article I showcase some of the techniques that my clients have successfully adopted to improve their power to influence.

Put simply, someone is said to be influential if they have the ability to positively affect and shape the way other people feel about a topic or proposal by removing resistance and gaining support. When influence is skilfully exercised, objectives are achieved without duress and without conflict or protracted debate.

If we have an idea or proposal in mind that we believe is unquestionably valuable and 'the right thing to do', the temptation is to barge straight into a negotiation or presentation, with the firm belief that everyone else must surely feel the same way and be suitably excited when they hear our proposal. In reality, to use a rugby analogy, they often meet resistance and end up in a scrum, pushing hard against the opposition until they eventually drop the ball and give up. The reason for failure is the assumption that the people we intend to influence have the same agenda, needs, values and beliefs as we do. These assumptions are invariably wrong.

One of my clients, a senior manager with a large corporation in the finance sector, complained that Board meetings were always a battle. They went on all day and he constantly met resistance to his ideas and assertions. He had to deal with so many "difficult" people. My client was a very dominant personality, very knowledgeable in his field and totally confident that his proposals to the Board were absolutely right and there could be no other sensible way to proceed. His assumption was that the other parties must surely see the sense in his ideas, to the point where challenging them would be unthinkable.

Through the coaching sessions he came to realise that, while his ideas and proposals had merit, he was merely transmitting them without any thought as to how the other Directors might receive them when filtered through their own values, beliefs and agendas. The question then became, "How can I get to know what their filters look like, so that I can shape my message to fit?" The secret is in the preparation before the influencing meeting.

A week before his next Board meeting he circulated the agenda and telephoned each Director in turn, asking them questions about the agenda items. The questions were all simple, open questions, i.e. they could not be answered with a simple "yes" or "no". Typical questions were, "How do you feel about the proposal? What do you think of the idea? What appeals to you most about the new policy? What adjustments to this proposed new product do you think would make it perfect? What's your opinion on how the shareholders will view this change of direction?" By asking open questions a great deal can be discovered about other people's feelings and personal agendas. He listened very carefully to the answers (active listening being a required skill in influencing) and noted the responses. With the input he collected he was able to shape his proposals in a way that would appeal to each individual Board member and at the same time pre-empt objections. Unsurprisingly, his next Board meeting was very different to the previous ones. The meeting took half a day instead of a day and he gained approval for the majority of his plans without stubborn resistance or lengthy debate.

Another client encountered problems with "difficult" customers, to the extent that in one case, in an important negotiation, the senior customer representative got up and walked out. As in the previous example my client was a go-getter, a forceful character who had no time for people who could not accept his perfectly reasonable proposals. He was on transmit most of the time and paid little attention to listening. He recognised that something had to change to avoid future disastrous meetings.

Prior to his next critical customer meeting he conducted some research into the personality, likes, dislikes, career history, business style and affiliations of the senior decision maker. The forthcoming meeting was a one-shot, fail or succeed event, so the outcome was critical. The meeting was a greater success than he anticipated. Because of the way he was able to shape his proposal and hit all the decision maker's "hot buttons" he not only succeeded in the acceptance of his proposal, but other party became an advocate for my client's ideas within the customer's organisation.

The key point to remember from these examples is that attempts at influence are more likely to succeed if you first make the effort to understand the drivers and values of the people you want to influence. As the author of "7 Habits of Highly Effective People", Stephen Covey once said, "Seek first to understand, then to be understood".

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About Author

Both Sharon Bray-mcpherson & Dennis Heath are contributors for EditorialToday. The above articles have been edited for relevancy and timeliness. All write-ups, reviews, tips and guides published by EditorialToday.com and its partners or affiliates are for informational purposes only. They should not be used for any legal or any other type of advice. We do not endorse any author, contributor, writer or article posted by our team.

Sharon Bray-mcpherson has sinced written about articles on various topics from Marketing, Fitness and Marketing. . Sharon Bray-mcpherson's top article generates over 18100 views. to your Favourites.

Dennis Heath has sinced written about articles on various topics from Succession Planning, Dating and Romance and Marketing. An original article by Dennis Heath, Executive Coach and Managing Director of WayAhead Leadership Solutions Pte Ltd, first published in Singapore in the April 2008 edition of Human Resources magazine. The WayAhead web site can be found at:. Dennis Heath's top article generates over 9900 views. to your Favourites.