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[H1574]How To Save Marriage Alone

by Terry Ross, Ter

In order to be able to save a marriage you must want to and be committed to saving it. It's a bit like most things, if you take a half hearted, non-committal approach then the likelihood is that you've already become resigned to failure, you won't put the effort in and you won't be able to save the marriage.

So rule number one when looking to save a marriage, be sure that it is what you want and that you are 100% committed to getting a positive result.

It does surprise me the number of marriages that fail due to an apparent lack of effort and yet, once the divorce has gone through and the need arises to start all over again people will go that extra mile to find another partner. Humans are generally gregarious creatures, they don't normally like to be on their own so why then, if people are prepared to put the effort into dating don't they apply the same level of effort to their marriage? A difficult one to answer I know but it has to be said that if we all spent just 25% of the time on our marriage compared to the time we spent finding our spouses in the first place a lot more marriages could be saved. This theory just compounds rule number one, it takes time and effort to save a marriage.

In direct contrast to popular belief it isn't men who seek divorce it is more often the women. That is not to say the blame should be laid at the women's door because they often seek divorce as a result of their husbands infidelity, or other behaviours that are almost impossible to live with such as physical, alcohol or substance abuse. In order to save such marriages, and not all can be saved, you have to tackle the route cause of the problem, the major contributing factor to why the marriage is failing. There is no point in trying to save a marriage by focusing on what your partner does when he is drunk for example it's just as a result of the real cause, the alcohol itself. To save the marriage you have to sort the drinking which is the root of the problem and not focus too heavily on what happens as a result of the drink.

If you want to learn more about how to tackle alcohol or substance abuse go to: health.org or alcoholism.about.com/ or for more advice on how to break any habit go to: commonmarriageproblems.marriagehealth.com/Break_any_Habit.html

When looking to save a marriage you have to realise that no matter what I say, how many books you read, how many forums you join or whatever form of marriage counselling you choose there is only one person that has the power to save your marriage and that one person is YOU.

Obviously you can't control your partner and you don't always have the ability change their behaviour but you do have control over how you choose to respond. If you think about the theory that children from abusive families become abusers themselves then it is easier to understand that the way you react to your partner will have a direct impact on your relationship and how you respond to each other. If you continually yell at your children or continually hit your dog more often than not they will just become immune, learn to accept it and still do what they want anyway. The same in a marriage, if your first response is attack then that forms the basis of a continuing process that can spiral out of control.

If your partner is out to rile you but they don't get the reaction they are expecting then the odds are they will give up or a least calm down a lot quicker. If you choose to discuss and issue on the back of a row what are the odds that you will sort the issue out? Next to none, when tempers are running high it is far more difficult to see someone else's point of view with each partner seeing who can shout the loudest in order to be heard. The net result is to achieve a step backwards, with each partner even more frustrated, than a step forwards. That leads us to another golden rule that needs to be applied if you want to save a marriage: if you have an issue you want to resolve, only discuss it when you both have time, and are in calm, receptive moods and never try and throw something into the pot on the back of an argument.

And at the end of the day you even have the power to control an argument. Your spouse needs you to be involved, if you choose not to be, instead opting to talk to them once they have calmed down, what are the chances of an argument unless they decide to argue with themselves!!

This question is something that would bother the minds of so many wedded partners at some point within their marriage lives, however much matrimony may seem perfect, there is always scope for improvement. For marriage to be kept animated and active, both the partners should do their part in giving out the best efforts that they can for the relationship. When issues crop up, here are some tips to help you both glide through the Trouble successfully, and here is the secret on how to save marriage from drifting apart.

Identify the Trouble

Analyse the problem threadbare and discuss it frankly with your partner. This is one of the toughest things at times because it makes one really have to take hard look at oneself first. The first step to fix the matters in your marriage is to be able to recognize the root of the problem hand in hand with your spouse that even though you may not like what you will discover, still, dealing with it will just open the doors towards a better relationship.

Meaningful close interaction

The most efficient means to maintain a flourishing relationship is through an open conversation. Maybe the lack for personal time can be attributed to this since you are too busy with your duties at work, to your kids and other matters concerning the family. It needs to become a daily habit of quality time and you need to make time for each other and communicate. Uprightness and integrity with one's own self and the partner is critically important here. We tend to become enhanced listener and bearer of our spouse if we just see to it that we give time to better our communication with our spouses as we can also gain a lot of advantages from it thus it is really essential to work out this aspect of relationship. Communication is the best approach to be able to get to that conclusion.

Value

The kind of regard you have for each other is yet another major ingredient. Are you and your partner like cats and dogs whenever you fight even from the simplest affairs? Does your communication with each other involve finger pointing, yelling, swearing and calling each other names? It is easy to get to that space at times when things are not going well. Previous damages inflicted in your relationship can still be easily repaired once you have high respect with one another which is truly a big thing in any relationships. Was there any difference with your manner of treatment as well as the degree of your affection to each other from the first time that you met until these days? Can you think of the things that may have made the changes?

Think of friendship and closeness

When marriage tends to face the tough times it is often resulted to the lost of such big aspects of relationship which are the connection and intimacy with each other. Make time for each other so that you can once again connect to each other, as this is going to come to your rescue a lot. Restoration of physical intimacy is another way of breaking barriers created in the marriage. It is hard to think about sexual activity when times are tough but making it a point to try to connect will help your marriage on many levels. Generally, it may really be difficult to save a marriage from falling apart, although this can be done easily and may give out better results if both the couples are determined and committed enough to make things work.

Article Source : Marriage Annulment

About Author

Both Terry Ross & Dola Raheem are contributors for EditorialToday. The above articles have been edited for relevancy and timeliness. All write-ups, reviews, tips and guides published by EditorialToday.com and its partners or affiliates are for informational purposes only. They should not be used for any legal or any other type of advice. We do not endorse any author, contributor, writer or article posted by our team.

Terry Ross has sinced written about articles on various topics from Writing, Parental Care and Hypnotherapy. For more advice on how to save a marriage visit my websites: . Terry Ross's top article generates over 33100 views. to your Favourites.

Dola Raheem has sinced written about articles on various topics from Wedding Planning, Jamaica Vacations and Lose Weight. If you need help with saving your marriage, visit a website specialized on how to avoid divorce, marital problems, and tips to help. Dola Raheem's top article generates over 1830000 views. to your Favourites.