In fact, a University of North Carolina survey found that 78% of the respondents think rudeness and incivility have increased in the last decade. And every one of the respondents could cite examples of co-workers who had caused workplace conflicts or treated them in a disrespectful manner.
To make matters worse, difficult people definitely hurt productivity. As the UNC research team reported in their results to Industry Week and The Dallas Morning News, 53% of the respondents said they lost work time worrying about a past or future confrontation with a co-worker. 37% said a hostile confrontation caused them to reduce their commitment to the organization. 28% said they lost work time because they avoided the confrontational co-worker. And 22% said they put less effort into their work because of confrontations.
Even though you may not like certain people or situations they put you in, there are some things you can do to improve working conditions and & increase productivity:
Take an honest look at yourself
I remember one man who left job after job because he found his co-workers to be annoying. He was easily flustered, and some of his less-than-kind colleagues took a subconscious delight in flustering him.
Eventually, he learned that when he spoke he gave an aura of being easily flustered. So he started to work on his self-confidence and started to practice relaxation exercises. He became less and less flustered. As he changed, his co-workers also changed. They became more positive and less difficult.
If people around you are difficult, take a moment to take an honest look at yourself. Is it possible that you're doing something that contributes to their difficult behavior? Don't automatically assume that you're totally innocent, and they're totally to blame for your workplace conflicts.
Find a point of entry
There is always a way to get into the hearts of difficult people. It's like rowing around a mountainous island, looking for a place to land. You may not find the landing place immediately, but it's there. It just takes a bit of patience while you search for the point of entry.
It's the same with people. Their mountains, their blockades, their annoying behaviors typically come from some pain they're suffering.
It's so easy to react to the behavior of difficult people in a negative manner. After all, it's difficult. It does hurt. You can judge people's behaviors. But you must be very careful about judging the motives behind their behaviors.
Look for the lesson that can be learned from each difficult person and each workplace conflict.
Instead of wasting your energy on getting annoyed, aggravated or defensive, focus on lessons that can be learned while working with difficult people.
During one of my motivational speakers, one of my audience members, a Vice President of a Fortune 500 company, said, "Whenever a difficult person crosses my path, I ask myself, ?What can I learn from this person??" He continued, ?Perhaps that person was put in my path to teach me patience or give me a chance to practice my skills in assertive communication.?
When you focus on the lessons you're learning, instead of the irritation you're experiencing, you'll be in much better shape to respond to the workplace conflict in a positive manner.
Take your time to think before you respond to a difficult person during a workplace conflict.
Before you say or do anything, figure out if it's worth it. How much time and energy do you want to spend on that person and his or her behavior? Sometimes you'll want to spend a lot, other times not.
Just don't get pulled into a hissing contest. You can go back and forth forever as to who did what, who's to blame, and who started it. Does it really matter? Always remember, worrying about what's right is always more important than worrying about who's right.
In other words, take extra caution before you offer advice. It's like the time Billie Burke, a famous actress from a bygone era, was on a transatlantic cruise. She noticed a gentleman suffering from a bad cold.
"I'll tell you just what to do for it," said Billie. "Go back to your stateroom; drink lots of orange juice, and take two aspirin. Cover yourself with all the blankets you can find. Sweat the cold out. I know what I'm talking about. I'm Billie Burke from Hollywood."
The man smiled warmly and introduced himself in return. "Thanks," he said. "I'm Dr. Mayo of the Mayo Clinic." A final workplace conflict thought:
You don't have to become the best of friends with that difficult co-worker. You don't have to spend a lot of time together. Just look for your "point of entry," and you'll get an immediate, positive boost in your working relationships, and a substantial increase in productivity.
Over the years I have come across several tools that will put a dollars and sense value on the matter of workplace conflict and the importance of its resolution. There are several assumptions in each of them, based on academic studies as well as national, international, and industry averages. They calculate the cost of replacing person "causing" the conflict, the number of times you must do so each year, and many other relevant factors.
In the end you can come up with an amount of money, the ACTUAL HARD DOLLAR COST of workplace conflict in your organization, that is overwhelming. So overwhelming in fact that many business owners will decide not to believe the numbers.
Instead, they end up taking the attitude that it is easier to deal with the miserable situation they're in than it is to figure a way out of the cycle of conflict that surrounds them.
Or, and this is the case with most family businesses, they can't get rid of the trouble makers anyway - because they're your kids, nieces, nephews, uncles, aunts, etc. so it's better not to even undertake the exercise in the first place.
We live in such a microwave environment that we have come to feel, in most situations, that if we can't see how the problem - whatever it is, can't be fixed instantly, then its not worth the trouble. And since you know you can't "straighten out" your nephew immediately you just shrug and try to deal with him as best you can.
We fail to remember that it took years, decades sometimes, to get in the situation we're in - so it follows that it will take time and effort to get out of it.
Instead of giving up and living with the conflict, even if it is just the nagging continual low grade stress caused by continual friction - stop and consider that you and everyone around you will be living the rest of their lives in the future you are creating today.
If you won't confront the matter now, you will spend the rest of your life trying to "manage" it.
In my experience the folks who are causing all the problems are not necessarily bad people. Ok, some of them are and since they were dropped on you because you're their uncle or something - you will have to do the best you can even when they are worthless jerks. It's not like they're going away or anything.
So, what can you do? In most cases it's a simple process. Simple because it is pretty straightforward and something you can often do for yourself. But it may be far from easy, especially if the individual(s) causing the problems have become so isolated as the problem themselves that they feel an obligation to keep stirring things up. Crazy isn't it?
One time I was meeting with just such a person. I told him that based on my experience with people like his uncles that if he did not get on board and work with them to design a future they could all live together in, that it would bring down the business.
His response, "I know what you're saying Wayne" told me the future of their enterprise. He understood my words, he was a bright guy after all, but he was not going to change. Six months later his aunt send me a clipping from their local newspaper announcing the sale of this seventy year old otherwise successful business. It was tragic for everybody.
What about your company, what is the cost of workplace conflict there? It's possible to detail the dollars and sense cost, but that may not be enough to get you to take action no matter how much it is. You may be saying to yourself that even with these costs we're still doing fine financially so why rock the boat anymore than it already is?
What about the quality of life costs to everyone involved? What about the psychic and emotional cost of wasting time dealing with the results of the conflict? What about the lowered job motivation and reduced productivity created by the conflict and its effect on everyone touched by it?
What about the cost in terms of production and performance when people take sick days when they are not sick, just in conflict. The resulting loss of productivity is the same whether or not the person missing work is the one causing the conflict or the one effected by it.
Have you done this, restructured the business around the problems or the people "causing" them? This is a frequent tactic with family businesses when the offender can't be fired. The result is a sub-optimized organization with extra steps being added to the process, making it all the more difficult to sustain growth and profitability.
No matter how you try to remove them from the loop, they still figure out how to insinuate themselves into the situation in ways that cause problems. And if you are still able to be successful, they end up taking the credit for it.
Now if these are not enough reasons to get up and do something about the workplace conflict at your place, perhaps this will.
Often the most devastating cost of conflict comes from the degraded decisions that are being made, by the person "causing" the conflict as well as the innocent bystander. People who make the decisions in your business must have all the honest well considered input possible, in order to weigh the options, consider legitimate alternatives, and come to a conclusion.
If the process is being sabotaged with faulty input on purpose the decisions will be flawed. If the person making the decisions has a hidden agenda even though the input is accurate they can still make bad choices for the business.
Imagine the results if a decision inflates your overhead by twenty percent? Or if your profit margin is reduced by ten percent? In every business there are key decisions being made routinely that dramatically impact the future of the business. Normally we believe that they are being made honestly based on the relevant information. What if that's not the case? What if someone feels that this is there chance to get back at you?
Are you motivated to do something now? Ok, let me tell you how I work, because in most cases you can do it yourself.
The first thing I do is talk to everyone - individually, confidentially, and in private. And that included the spouses. What I am looking for is to uncover what is really important to each of them? What they want the future to be for them and their family. This is pretty simple but sometimes very hard to do because they may never have thought of things in these terms.
However when enough effort is put into figuring out and articulating what's important, people often begin to see that since the business is the vehicle for them to achieve their objectives, the conflict and disagreements that negatively impact it - hurt them too.
In the process of isolating what's important I look for their opinion of the situation currently. As they talk about the way things are now, in light of their own future goals and objectives, they may begin to see the reasoning and importance of the way things are being done. Or not. Either is Ok, as long as we get it out in the open.
Parenthetically, most workplace conflicts center around "how" things are being done rather than "what" is being done, so when people align their thinking around where they want the business to take them, they often become less hung up on doing it (whatever 'it' is) "their" way. It really does become them as a group against the problems and challenges in their way - versus carping about each other's styles and techniques.
Once each individual has had their say it's time to put together a picture of what everyone says they want the future to look like - considered as a group. In my three decades of experience helping family businesses through this process I find that at this point there is far more agreement than disagreement.
Following this round of individual meetings a group meeting is held. This is often a tough one because even though each person has bought into the idea of looking forward together, there will be attempts to bring up past perceived slights and justification for previous behavior. It's important that whoever is facilitating this meeting keep it focused on the future rather than the past.
At this point it's time to determine what's possible based on the goals of everyone. This is where I typically want their traditional advisors, attorney, accountant, life insurance agent, involved. These are the people who will create the documents that will guarantee that the desires of the family are achieved.
If you bring them into the discussion too soon their recommendations may reflect the wishes of one party or another - thus the conflict continues. Also they will not have the benefit of having each person's desires clearly stated - so they can weave the wishes of everyone together to create a result everyone can get behind.
Once the documents are in place to guarantee the commitments everyone has made about the future, the conflicts of the past can be forgotten and the conflicts of the present and the future can be eliminated.
When everyone is in the boat together and everyone is depending on everyone else to keep rowing toward a common destination - how you (or they) are holding your ores just won't matter.
Both Alan Zimmerman & Wayne Messick are contributors for EditorialToday. The above articles have been edited for relevancy and timeliness. All write-ups, reviews, tips and guides published by EditorialToday.com and its partners or affiliates are for informational purposes only. They should not be used for any legal or any other type of advice. We do not endorse any author, contributor, writer or article posted by our team.
Alan Zimmerman has sinced written about articles on various topics from Self Improvement and Motivation, Web Development. About the Author:As a best-selling author and Hall of Fame professional speaker, has helped more than one million people in 48 states and 22 count. Alan Zimmerman's top article generates over 1600 views. to your Favourites.
Wayne Messick has sinced written about articles on various topics from Employment, Education Toys and Marketing. Wayne Messick is the publisher of articles to help you grow your business at If you are a business ow. Wayne Messick's top article generates over 12100 views. to your Favourites.