1. Put a name on your fear. Know what it is by identifying it in detail. Once you know the enemy, it is easier to look at it like it's just another challenge that needs to be dealt with. Consider it like a room that needs to be painted or a similar common task.
2. Psychologists sometimes use a process known as systematic desensitization. The idea is to get a little closer to the feared item each time you are around it. Get used to the way the fear makes you feel. Eventually, the item will not have the capacity to create the fearful emotions in you any more. This method works well when you have an irrational fear of an animal or object.
3. Don't give up the quest to get rid of a fear. Sometimes fears can be tenacious. It can take a long time to completely overcome them, but the reward is worth it, so hang in there.
4. Don't obsess over fearful or troubling thoughts. This can be challenging in itself, but is very necessary. One idea for turning off unwanted thoughts is to think of your thoughts in the same impersonal way you might think of your stomach rumbling. "Oh, there goes my brain rumbling again."
5. Put the fear into perspective. Fears can rage like an inferno, when in reality they are little more than a candle flame. Don't let yourself waste too much energy on fearing the frightening item.
6. Don't be too hard on yourself if the old fear raises it's ugly head from time to time. Overcoming a fear takes persistence. Be patient with yourself. Let yourself be vulnerable to change.
7. Learn progressive relaxation. Sometimes it's called self-hypnosis, but whatever name you learn it by, it's a valuable skill to learn how to relax your muscles. Deep breathing is a good first step to becoming relaxed. Focus on your abdomen as you breath in deeply to a count of four. Let your stomach protrude as it fills with air. Then release the air slowly, from the top down. Take several deep breaths and then begin to relax your muscles one at a time. Focus on them individually and tell them to relax. Start with the feet and work up toward the head. Going through deep breathing and relaxation can help you face a fearful situation without the normal reactions.
8. Analyze your fears and see just how irrational they are. List reasons why it is unnecessary to let yourself be paralyzed by this fear. For instance, think of other people who aren't troubled by the fear at all. They make it just fine, so why can't you?
9. Be aware that sometimes fears become more uncomfortable at first when you challenge their hold on you. Be committed to overcoming.
10. Learn to let go. Sometimes it is hard to let go of ideas and feelings, even when they are uncomfortable and damaging. They seem right, somehow. If you are to get rid of these unrealistic fears, however, you must let them go.
You can overcome the fears that limit and control you!
In order to be confident with women you need to understand your own psychology and thinking pattern. You see it's basically your mindset which determines how confident you would be when approaching a woman and your eventual results would depend on the level of your confidence as well. Read on to discover some of the amazingly effective ways to help you develop a strong sense of confidence to approach women and achieve earth shattering results.
To overcome your fear with women, practice the following exercise:
1. Choose a club and go out alone. If you want to take someone with you, take one friend who's willing to learn and won't hold you back. If he does, don't take him the next time you go. If you have to go alone, go alone. I did it many times. It's no biggie. Without company, you're forced to talk to people, and you will approach women. Even if you don't approach anyone the first night, you will have enough remorse to do it the next time you go out.
2. Take a deep breath, try to loosen up as much as you can, and go up to a random girl. She doesn't have to be the hottest one; your average girl will do for now. If she's with a group, approach her directly. If she's with two or three girls, talk to all of them at the same time. But whomever you approach, DON'T HESITATE. This is the most important part. The more you hesitate, the less likely you are to approach a girl. Don't leave yourself time to think. Count to five and go! Banish negative thoughts from your mind, and forget "What happens if?" questions. Nothing happens. Treat the whole club as your playground. No one will laugh at you; no one will hurt you. It's just some casual talking; no harm done to anyone.
Even if someone says something to you or behind your back, should it really concern you? No. That person doesn't know you. You are a human being, and you have values and positive traits that aren't visible in a few minutes of talking to someone. So don't worry about that, OK? No one is against you, since no one really knows what you're like. In clubs, everyone is trying to show their best side; still, the most beautiful or most popular people usually have the most shallow and empty personalities. They focus only on the outside and forget that there is a whole different but even more important world on the inside.
3. After you have approached a girl or a group, talk to her/them. Even if you're hesitant, and your legs are shaking and your heart is pounding, force yourself to smile and tell her something. The best method is to memorize a line, an "opener," and use that on every girl that night. This way, additional focus and energy won't be required to think up something to say, and you can concentrate on controlling yourself and your body language. For example, you could use: "Hi! Let me ask you a question. How would you describe your ideal guy? What character traits and inner values should he have?" or "Hi! Do you see that girl over there? I like her, and I want to get to know her. What do you think I should tell her?" You can also make up your own lines.
4. Depending on how the conversation goes, either carry on or leave. Remember, your goal is not to bed her tonight, but don't stop if that's about to happen. After executing the opener into the conversation, you'll understand how easy it is to talk to strangers, and you'll realize you just took the first steps toward overcoming your "biggest" fear. How does it feel?
5. Don't stop after talking to a girl or two. Carry on, and talk to as many girls as possible. Eight or 10 are OK; 20 are even better. You don't have to run around trying your opening out on every girl and yelling "one!" "two!" "three!" Just approach as many of them as you want, remembering that your goal is to get used to the feel of the whole thing. The more you do it, the easier it will seem, and you will eventually realize how normal it is to talk to women.
6. When you go home, congratulate yourself. You took your first steps in the land of pickup. It was a small step for mankind, but a giant leap for you. Repeat this for a few nights until you feel comfortable in your own skin talking to girls. But, when you get into the game and start to enjoy it, don't forget that the preceding exercise was only for "de-shying" yourself; for showing you how easy it is to talk to a girl. It's not the way to proceed from now on.
Your next step is to find the girls that you really like and approach only them. Up to this point, it would only have given you an excuse not to approach a woman. But, from now on, it will help you focus on the more important aspect, the pickup itself.
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Both Terence Young & Johan Krost are contributors for EditorialToday. The above articles have been edited for relevancy and timeliness. All write-ups, reviews, tips and guides published by EditorialToday.com and its partners or affiliates are for informational purposes only. They should not be used for any legal or any other type of advice. We do not endorse any author, contributor, writer or article posted by our team.
Terence Young has sinced written about articles on various topics from Health, Personal Desktop and Skin Care. For more personal growth articles visit: . Terence Young's top article generates over 246000 views. to your Favourites.
Johan Krost has sinced written about articles on various topics from Affiliate Programs, Flirting Tips and Site promotion. Do you want to discover in 3 1/2 days by only changing your attitude? Get my FREE report on seduce wom. Johan Krost's top article generates over 27100 views. to your Favourites.