As a coach, I know this means you'll do just what you need to to keep out of trouble - and no more. And your eye is on the exit.
So how do you manage the "nightmare" boss? Here are four key tips to help you navigate this tricky situation.
1. If your boss is behaving badly, stay calm, step back and consider the following questions:
Has this behaviour happened before? The first two times are probably chance, but according to Brad McRae, author of "Negotiation and Influencing Skills by the third it's probably a pattern.
Is your boss under a lot of pressure? Stress may be causing this adverse behaviour.
Is this behaviour just with you, or with others too? (If it's just with you, perhaps you need to consider honing your rapport building techniques.)
Have you been under a lot of pressure? Stress on you may be causing you to see the world in a way you wouldn't normally, under more relaxed circumstances.
Have you had an adult to adult conversation with this person? Sometimes people don't realise their behaviour is a problem for you, and talking to them can clear up what turns out to be a simple misunderstanding. Don't avoid doing this. Whilst it may make you feel uncomfortable, long term avoidance leads to situations not only continuing, but often getting worse.
Worst case scenario? Try mediation. Try speaking to Human Resources or another, more senior member member of staff.
2. Dealing with an angry boss
If your boss gets angry regularly - don't even try to join in. Let him/her get angry; have the tantrum. You maintain the adult, higher ground.
The trick is to make yourself scarce until it blows over. Say: "I'm sorry you're so cross about this, but the only way to solve this is rationally. I'm going to leave now, and I can come back later when we've both had time to think this through."
Then leave. No matter what they say, tell them you want to leave it for now, until there's been time to reflect. Stay cool, and deal with the issue on your terms.
And when you do eventually speak, stay clear of accusations, or blame, and focus on using the word "we". "We" shares the responsibility (even if not for the incident, for how you are going to resolve it) and doesn't look like you are apportioning blame or being condemnatory. "We", does nothing to inflame the situation.
3. Acknowledge emotions - but never get into an emotional argument.
There are always two important factors in any conflict: the facts over which you disagree, and the emotions each individual feels about the situation.
You may feel like telling your boss he's a rude pig, a bully (and they may well be), or to "stick their job where the sun don't shine" - and that may give you momentary satisfaction too; but you'll regret it. The moment you lose the plot - you've lost.
If you can see they are angry or upset - acknowledge that, but lead them back to thinking in rational, adult mode, rather than tantrum child mode. And if you're feeling frustrated, angry, upset, or any other strong emotion, tell them, but explain which behaviour of theirs is causing you to feel like this. Focus on the behaviour you want to change, not the person themselves. The minute you use language which starts with "You", you're into accusatory mode, and they'll just get defensive; which leads nowhere.
4. If all else fails - leave.
Sometimes it's clear it's just never going to work for you. Life's too short to spend what is a third or more of your life feeling miserable, de-motivated, and unable to utilise your talents. If you are good at what you do, bale out and find another job. But do it on your own terms, in your own time and at your own pace. And while you're searching for the exit, keep your head down, and your counsel to yourself.
You can probably take comfort from the fact that, if this isn't a case of an individual personality clash, your boss's behaviour will be noticed elsewhere - and team performance is likely to be suffering. Those above will notice - and at some point, your boss may get his "come-uppance."
But that's not your problem at this stage. You just take control and find somewhere your talent and skill are utilised and appreciated.
Copyright (c) 2008 Shona Garner
Countless sad songs have been dedicated to lonely people who can't seem to cope up with the world. A hit song in the seventies lamented that "sometimes it feels like you and me against the world." For all we know, it might be that most of us think the whole world is against us in some way or another.
Difficult people are among the lonely. In their inability to cope with their surroundings, they are often avoided by other people.
But in their need for acceptance, they force themselves to be acknowledged by others. The conflicts that result make them difficult people to be with. And as more people end up being difficult, the number of lonely people in the world swells to multi-millions.
This is a most overlooked dire need that persists through the ages - it is deemed that many lives are destroyed more by this malady than by wars, famines, and plagues.
Anyway, we can start a crusade to help difficult people overcome their attitude by paying sufficient attention to them rather than by becoming curious on their personality alone. Helping a difficult person overcome his attitude means one less lonely person in the world. Think of what can happen if each of us "adopts" a difficult person. That will spell lots of relief to the rest of the world!
It is easy to conquer difficult people. You only have to make sure that you are not difficult yourself. It is quite hard to check yourself for difficult attitudes if you do not know what to look for. A checklist from experts who really conquer difficult people, or from those who have overcome being difficult, will help tremendously. The checklist may look something like this:
1. Do you like meeting and being with people? 2. Can you accept them as they are? 3. Do you easily forgive offenses? 4. Are you easily hurt by what people do or say? 5. How do you take life or work pressures? 6. Have you been abused? 7. Are you a loving person, and do you express love too?
Once you are sure that you are not a difficult person, you can start your crusade. You can help difficult people by:
1. Listening sincerely. 2. Being agreeable. 3. Being quiet most times. 4. Smiling. 5. Becoming an indispensable friend. 6. Correcting then without being obvious. 7. Teaching them to love through your love for them.
Help a difficult person and you make this world a better place to live in. Help some more and you are well on your way to building a paradise.
Both Shona Garner & Rene Graeber are contributors for EditorialToday. The above articles have been edited for relevancy and timeliness. All write-ups, reviews, tips and guides published by EditorialToday.com and its partners or affiliates are for informational purposes only. They should not be used for any legal or any other type of advice. We do not endorse any author, contributor, writer or article posted by our team.
Shona Garner has sinced written about articles on various topics from Debt Reductions, Leadership and Difficult people. Shona Garner is an experienced Executive and Business Coach, specialising in helping managers build top performing teams, and increase their own standing in the organisation. For a straight talking, practical guide to the top four secrets of every outstan. Shona Garner's top article generates over 4400 views. to your Favourites.
Rene Graeber has sinced written about articles on various topics from Internet Marketing, Camping and Recreation and Sports. Some people will do anything to make your life miserable. You can find out how to finally stop difficult people from ruining your life by dominating, winning, and changing their hearts at the authors website at:. Rene Graeber's top article generates over 27100 views. to your Favourites.