There are five major things that you need to focus on to build rapport.
The first essential skill is body language. You must learn to read body language. You can learn body language by checking out library books on the topic or by surfing the Internet for tips. You can also learn body language by simply paying attention when other people are around. Here are a few basics: eye contact is a must, avoidance can mean falsehood or mistrust with others. Keep arms in un-closed position, welcoming communication. Ditto with legs (don't sit with arms and legs crossed as it can mean you are closed to the other person). Maintain a nice, friendly smile (not tight lips). And don't get in the other person's space or face. Keep at a comfortable distance.
The next thing you should do is to get in a casual mode. Relate in a comfortable manner with the other person. For instance, don't wear stiff new clothing and shoes that aren't broken in and hurt your feet. This can affect your own comfort, making you less at ease, regardless of who your prospect is. You want to be able to talk, laugh and enjoy the other person's company while you're building a relationship. No one wants to focus on whether they are having a bad hair day!
The third skill for rapport building is using some finesse. You must learn how to handle conversations and activities in a cordial and friendly manner using tact. For example, if your prospect is lewd or otherwise obnoxious (maybe drunk at an after dinner event), learn how to skillfully acknowledge him or her briefly, then turn your focus in a productive direction to seek out communication with another prospect, without hurting the other person's feelings, if possible. Sometimes etiquette books can help with this. Most often, though, look to the older and more experienced attendees in the room and follow their lead.
The next essental rapport building skill is handling conflict. You must learn how to handle difficult situations without falling apart at the seams.
Finally, you need to learn cooperation. Cooperating with and supporting one another should be a common goal with prospects. You'll both be seeking referrals down the road and want to be able to stick together and support each other in a professional, businesslike manner.
As the saying goes, "Rome wasn't built in a day." Neither is rapport. Establishing and building relationships is a process. Mistakes will be made. By learning to get through rough spots, offering and accepting apologies and working things out, you'll reap rapport.
Now let's take a quick peak at the basics of developing rapport with others. In a nutshell, what it takes is to ask questions, have a positive, open attitude, encourage an open exchange of communications (both verbal and unspoken), listen to verbal and unspoken communications and share positive feedback. Here are a few details on each step.
Ask Questions: Building report is similar to interviewing someone for a job opening or it can be like a reporter seeking information for an article. Relax and get to know the other person with a goal of finding common ground or things of interest. You can begin by simply commenting on the other person's choice of attire, if in person, or about their computer, if online, and following up with related questions. For example, in person, you could compliment the other person on their color choice and or maybe a pin, ring or other piece of jewelry and ask where it came from. In online communications, you could compliment the other person's font, smile faces or whatever they use, mention that the communication style seems relaxed and ask if he or she writes a lot. Then basically follow up, steering clear of topics that could entice or cause arguing, while gradually leading the person to common ground you'd like to discuss.
Attitude: have a positive attitude and leave social labels at home (or in a drawer, if you're at home). Many people can tell instantly if you have a negative attitude or if you feel superior. So treat other people as you would like to be treated. And give each person a chance.
Open Exchange: Do encourage others to share with you. Some people are shy, scared or inexperienced in communicating and welcome an opportunity to share. So both with body language and verbal communication invite an exchange. Face the other person with your arms open, eyes looking into theirs gently (not glaring or staring), and encourage a conversation with a warm smile.
Listen: Be an active listener. Don't focus your thoughts on what YOU will say next. Listen to what the other person is saying and take your clues from there, while also noting the body language. For example, if the other person folds his arms and sounds upset, you may need to change the subject or let him have some space and distance; maybe even try approaching him later on and excusing yourself to go make a phone call (of head to the buffet table or somewhere to escape). On the other hand, if the other person is leaning towards you, following your every word and communicating with your as if you were old friends, BINGO. You've built rapport!
Share: People like compliments. So hand them out freely without over doing it. Leaving a nice part of yourself like a compliment is a good memory for the other person to recall numerous times. That's good rapport. But do be sincere! False compliments aren't easily disguised.
Both Carlos Scarpero & Abbas Abedi are contributors for EditorialToday. The above articles have been edited for relevancy and timeliness. All write-ups, reviews, tips and guides published by EditorialToday.com and its partners or affiliates are for informational purposes only. They should not be used for any legal or any other type of advice. We do not endorse any author, contributor, writer or article posted by our team.
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