You know those guys who never want to call a professional? My father is one of them. If he was a skilled carpenter or at least a fair handyman, this wouldn't be a problem. He has the best of intentions, but bless him, he's better off measuring and cutting his bread and butter. Based on his last escapade, I am going to tell you how to build stairs the wrong way.

First of all, you don't need to take any measurements. Pretend to ignore the subtle and most blatant of hints from people who think you ought to use a measuring tape. Evade probing questions like, how big are the stairs going to be once you finish?

The eyeballs that God gave you are far better than any measuring device, after all. Sure, you might end up wasting space. Yes, your concerned guests might wonder if you hired a drunk teenager to build those stairs. But your stairs will have character!

Pre cut everything! Don't worry about cutting the pieces to fit each space. Simply cut it all first and get it out of the way. Yes, things may not line up correctly and you could end up wasting dozens of pieces of wood.

If you have good karma that day, you might be able to get the pieces to snap together perfectly to create a solid flight of stairs. Or not. But you'll have fun either way, right?

Above all, avoid using quality wood of any kind. Use any old wood you happen to find lying in a ditch somewhere. Salvage any crumbling old wood from abandoned shacks in the forest.

This way, you'll save money. It doesn't matter if the stairs will last longer than a few months. It's not like you wasted money on those things anyway, right?