In another article I suggested that we all get fat for a reason, not just because we atew too much. Overeating is simply a symptom of something wrong. So the solution isn't as easy as focussing on eating less, although that should work it's unlikely to in practice as the original problem hasn't been fixed. In this article I'd like to explain what I meant by that and give some suggestions for the way out.

Your self esteem is our own internal measures of how much we feel loved, accepted and value ourselves. It slowly develops and usually by the end of our teens is fully formed. This is the filter that we look through to see the world. It's also how we imagine the world sees us too.

My strong belief is that during our upbringing, no matter how loving our parents were they didn't 100% fulfil our needs. It is just impossible to do so they are bound to fail. We would have viewed some of that behaviour as abusive - "they hurt me on purpose".

This is the starting point. We all believe - to a greater or lesser extent - that we had a rough childhood. Without doubt some children do get abused, either physically or sexually (it's estimated that 1 in 4 obese people have been abused compared to only 1 in 20 of healthy weight people). That is a rare but sad reality. What makes it even sadder is that the shame that goes with it often means that it is a guilty secret that the child keeps from the world. Over years it gets lost and we 'forget about it'. Only the hurt hasn't gone away it's just under the surface.

This lost hurt gets carried into our adult lives and can have big consequences. We can't hold on to a relationship, or live a healthy life as we re-live the hurt from our childhood. Without going too deep into the psychology of the problem just accept that although the 'abusers' have physically stopped we carry on abusing ourselves.

So what's all this got to do with you being overweight?

Everything!

We all know how to live a healthy life. There are lots of different ways, choosing an exercise that you like, eating healthy food that you like, it's easy!

So why aren't you doing it? How come you have tried a dozen diets and they haven't worked for you?

Because there is stuff that went on during your childhood that hasn't been resolved yet. There are problems you have that are buried because they are too uncomfortable to deal with. Its not because you have failed, it's certainly not your fault that bad stuff happened.

You can work on this and with guidance and support you can ease this. It will take courage and a determination to improve your life. This is more difficult than a simple diet but the rewards are immense. Imagine your happy life then decide if the effort is worth it.