[H851]How To Be A Good Listener

Salespeople have to continually prove themselves to customers, many of whom view salespeople with less than flattering characteristics. Consumers may perceive salespeople as underhanded, tricky, and only interested in making a sale. They are seen as unconcerned with the needs and interests of the consumer, bent on pushing the product and wearing the reluctant buyer down until he or she finally buys. And to some degree there is truth to this perception. Many salespeople talk too much and listen too little. Communication is a two way street and we would do well to consider the other people in the communication loop; not just ourselves.

Great success in sales lies in the ability to learn how to listen. Without understanding the needs of customer it is unlikely that you will be able to satisfy their needs. If salespeople would learn the techniques of listening, their life would be easier and their commissions much higher. Following are some important issues to consider:

Instead of aiming a barrage of technical jargon and statistics at the customer, why not try asking questions and getting to know your customer by building a rapport with him or her. People buy from people they like. Customers don't buy from people they are suspicious about or from people for whom they hold a low opinion. Ultimately, customers don't buy for one reason alone: that is FEAR! Fear of making a mistake; fear of not getting value for their money; fear of being deceived and later ridiculed by their friends and family. So if you make the customer a friend, they will trust you more and by building a rapport you will eliminate that fear.

Your ability to listen effectively will make your life easier and happier regardless if you are in professional sales. Effective listening should be learned by all of us in efforts to gain a better understanding of the needs and point of view of others. As the Greek philosopher Epictetus put it: "God gave man two ears but only one mouth that he might hear twice as much as he speaks."

You may also benefit from the ratio differential between speaking and listening. Most people speak at a rate of about 120 to 180 words per minute but we listen at a much faster rate: about 500 words per minute. So while you are listening you will also have time to observe body gestures, formulate answers and feedback; clarifications and so on.

Effective listening also requires the ability to adjust. No two conversation are alike, nor are the environments in which they take place. The time, conditions, speakers and messages are all different. And there are many other variables which make each scenario different: rest, hunger, comfort, endurance; emotional stability; knowledge of the subject; and physical factors such as size and color of the room. These things will obviously influence the positive or negative outcome of your conversations.

One of the most effective techniques to gain confidence of your audience (wife, husband, girlfriend, boyfriend, teacher, boss or customer) is to "mirror" what the person has said, that is, to repeat or paraphrase what your audience has said (often referred to as reflective listening). In doing so, your audience gets the impression that you understand him or her; that you think alike; that you care what he or she thinks. This technique will almost certainly improve your communications skills by 50%.

Rapport is built in this way. Mirroring (or Neuro Linguistic Programming, NLP) can also be used in ?body language'. On a very fundamental level, we like people who are like us and a sure fire method to accomplish this rapport is to mirror the body language of another. Any observable gesture or stance can be mirrored. Simply observe your audience's body language and repeat it discreetly, for example:

Copy their blink rate, facial expression, body posture, head tilt, vocal qualities (pace, rhythm, tonality), key phrases, energy level, breathing rate, and hand gestures

Obviously, this behavior should be undertaken with care and purpose and should not be attempted haphazardly and without preparation. It takes practice to look natural.

Other essential listening tools are the techniques of pacing and then leading. These are accomplished by first listening and observing and then leading the person to have him or her unconsciously mirror you. After listening to what your audience is really saying, which sometimes requires you to read between the lines, and accomplishing subtle mirroring tasks, try to lead your audience by introducing a gesture of your own. If your audience mirrors you, your success is guaranteed: you have gained a friend and will increase your success ratio.

Sometimes the audience's questions need clarification and feedback. After having listened effectively, use the audience's same words to repeat, paraphrase and give feedback. Once you show that you understand your audience's point of view or concerns, agreement and satisfaction for both parties can be achieved.

Listening involves not only your ears, but also your observation and feelings. We should all look for non-verbal cues when we are listening effectively. Most of us say much more with our body language than we do with words alone. For example, your audience may be looking down or elsewhere when you are speaking: that is a sign that they don't regard what you are saying is of any value. Watch too if your audience shows any gestures of resistance and poor opinion like crossing their arms in front of their body, or rubbing their eyes, face or ears. These are all signs of resistance and may also indicate that your audience is signally closure of the conversation: a bad sign.

Listening is more important a part of communication than we generally acknowledge. It is seldom used effectively, but all of us can benefit from improving our listening skills and especially sales professionals, who will, as a result, improve their sales success ratios.