We all have experienced situations where our emotions controlled us rather than us controlling our emotions. Such as when you lose your temper or unnecessarily get upset. Or when you are overcome with nervousness.
We must understand that our emotions are here to serve and help us. Apart from making life more interesting and colorful, emotions acts like a signal and warning sign. It tells us when things what is going on. Like when we are upset, we know something is not right. Or when we feel frustrated it means that things can be better. Different emotions tells us different things.
However it is when we become too emotional or easily influenced by emotions that problems start to arise.
What we don't want to do is ignore, avoid or suppress our emotions. Rather, we should acknowledge our emotions whenever it comes upon us. Try to understand and be aware of the message that the emotion is trying to tell us. Then proceed to respond to the message in the best way we can.
In other words, don't treat your emotions as the enemy, rather treat it as the messenger. A messenger may bring good or bad news, but it certainly isn't THE good or bad news.
How you can control your emotions;
1. Disassociate from the emotion
Whenever you feel a rush of emotions, immediately disassociate from it. Don't let it overcome you and don't indulge in the emotion. Rather, quickly break the pattern of the emotion and don't make it personal. Step outside yourself and be like an external party observing what is happening.
The important thing is to make sure you do it immediately. This prevents the emotion from gaining momentum and becoming stronger.
To break the pattern of the emotion, one way is to jolt and surprise the brain so much that the intensity of the emotion is drained away. To do so, you must do, think or say something that is totally bizarre and unexpected. So much so that the brain 'forgot' that it was for example, feeling angry a moment ago.
2. Be curious and try to understand the message of the emotion
Once you have disassociated yourself from the emotion, you can now assess the situation objectively. Without any emotional influence, ask yourself questions such as these ;
What emotions did I feel just now?
What just happened?
What does this imply?
What is the reason for me feeling that way?
In order to feel this way, what did I have to believe?
For me to feel better, what needs to happen?
Try to stay curious when asking those questions. Don't get personal about it. When asking those questions, use a questioning curious tone to help keep yourself in a curious state.
Those questions will help you discover the message of the emotion you are experiencing. You will know why you feel that way, and what to do about it. By making sure that you are neutral before you start analyzing the situation, your assessment won't be influenced by emotions.
3. Make a decision on what to do
Now that you've gotten yourself in a neutral state and assessed the situation objectively, it's time to decide how to respond to the situation and what are the actions that you can take. It may doing something, communicating with someone or just changing your perception and mindset.
As long as you remain disassociated from the emotion, your decision will rarely go wrong. By assessing the situation in a clear mind, you will know that the solutions you came up with are objective.
Follow the above steps to help in controlling emotions. Practice and work on it until it becomes a habit to you. For the first few times it will not be easy. But the more you do it, the more you practice, the easier it becomes. After a while, you will automatically respond to negative emotions in this way.