Getting cheated by your partner is probably the worst thing that can happen to you, and is the deepest wound that can be inflicted on someone who loves and values a relation. A marriage is a covenant, and deviating from the clauses that make up its base is akin to flinging the most important tenets of life to the winds. Those who have known it are the only ones who can understand the conflicts that it brings. And those who survive usually emerge as more mature people with a greater understanding of life.

The Emotional Turmoil

Surveys reveal that most spouses prefer to know of the weaknesses and transgressions of their partners through a direct confession. Though it hurts, it is better than finding it out on your own, or catching the lovers unaware on a hunch. The worst is when the cheated partner chances upon the guilty pair in the act. It is a shock to all concerned, and sometimes matters may spin out of control as tempers may flare and all semblance of reason is lost. Some of the common emotions experienced by those who are betrayed are:

• Anger is the prime emotion, and one can go mad with it. A marital betrayal is a harsh blow and digesting this crime (for that is what it seems then, even if it is not so in the eyes of the law) may seem impossible at the moment.



• Frustration is another very common emotion, as this means that despite all your efforts you have failed to hold on to your spouse. It is as if the world has come crashing down around your ears and there is no way out.



• Grief is a small word. Many people who come to speak of their experience under pseudonyms in the blogs have said that the moment of ?knowing it? had been like a physical blow, a pain so keen that it was actually felt.



• Self-blame is another usual fallout. Many cheated spouses feel it was their fault, their shortcoming that has driven their spouse to leave them for another, better option.



• A total feeling of failure is also common. People become crestfallen as they are proved to be useless even in their greatest effort. A marriage is not easy and a lot goes behind making it work. It all becomes useless as you realise that your efforts have been in vain and someone else has won over the person for whom you have been doing everything.

When It can be Salvaged

Can a marriage be salvaged from the fires of betrayal? An extramarital affair is a cruel test and not all relations have the strength to survive this. But some have the inherent qualities that can make them work beyond this storm.

• If the partners are both willing to make up to each other the chances of success are really strong. It means that the core of their bonding is very strong and that they don't want it shaken.



• If any of the partners is willing to try really hard to salvage it, things may still work out, though it will not be easy.



• If none of them are willing to give it a shot, they will part nursing their wounds. Sometimes, a couple remains together just for the sake of avoiding trouble, but this is only the shell of a marriage that has fallen apart long ago. In such cases, it is better to part.

Rebuilding Trust

What can you do to rebuild the trust?

• If you are the one who has cheated, show your partner you still care. That is what matters most, even more than the promises you want to make.



• If you have been betrayed but your partner wants to come back, give a chance, because it is deserved.

Those Who Want to Come Back

You have to make that extra effort. Look upon this period as a second courtship as you have to ?win? over your love all over again.

Those Who Have Known Betrayal

You have to forgive, if not forget, and make some efforts yourself, too. Remember, you always need both hands to clap. Introspect into the relation, and do not take your spouse for granted ever again. Don't be a watchdog, but ensure that your trust is not misplaced.