Success depends on believing there is plenty for everybody. There really is "more" than we could possibly imagine ? of everything ? if we look for it. But it's almost impossible to look for "it" if we are busy envying or feeling jealous about someone else's good fortune ? their getting some of that "plenty." At the same time, it is tough not to feel diminished when comparing to others ? and yet it's so unattractive ? and the seeds of failure are in that behavior.

Can you remember a time when you were really proud of what you had accomplished, and when you told a friend you got a less than enthusiastic response. - perhaps even an envious response?

I remember when my wife and I bought our first new car - a convertible - and our next door neighbor's first comment was " Well, at least our car's paid for." Nice. Scratch them from the list of friends. Envy or jealousy are really ugly behaviors - they so diminish the person guilty of them.

Stephen Covey, in The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People talks about an "attitude of plenty." About believing that there is plenty of everything for everybody, and the success of another in no way diminishes us. Stephan Schiffman, in his terrific book on telephone sales, titled Make It Happen Before Lunch says " Dwell in possibility - there is always a door somewhere waiting to be opened."

If you think like Schiffman and Covey, there will be no room for the envy and jealousy that makes so many people smaller in the eyes of others - and most importantly, in their own eyes.

What's sad about the people who don't have the beliefs of plenty and possibilities, is that they believe everyone else thinks like they do. So when they do have a success, they find it difficult to accept the congratulations of others at face value, because they know, if the roles were reversed, they would harbor envy and jealousy.

Success can best be found with success. Successful people surround themselves with other successful people. What better way to learn what it takes to succeed, than to associate with and learn from those that have done it.

And yet-

A noted sales trainer told me he always asks his sales seminar participants if they know who the top sales people are in their organizations. Almost everyone does. He then asks them if they have ever approached these top performers and asked them for advice or tips on how they can do better. 95% of the participants admit they never have done that. Here they are, spending thousands in seminar fees, while they have never asked their greatest potential asset - the top people in their profession ? to help them!

That behavior isn't unique to salespeople, it happens often in most organizations ? in all functional areas. It's most apparent in areas where success is difficult to measure ? where quantitative measures are hard, if not impossible, to define.

When envy and jealousy and the code words "it's all politics" or "suckup" or other negatively descriptive words are used to explain someone else's success, it creates a barrier to success for the person using them. Their behavior will communicate their attitudes and beliefs, and the successful people will do what they have to to avoid them. And so the negative cycle justs keeps repeating itself. How sad.

How to change this behavior? First, recognize it. It is usually a behavior that kind of sneaks up on people. Once identified, replace the negative behavior with a positive behavior that communicates a positive attitude toward the success of others. Whether it's possessions, promotions, winning at a sport, or some other area of accomplishment, feel good for the success of others and let them know it.Then use that positive behavior to inspire yourself to achieve. And if you catch yourself falling back into a negative attitude, one of feeling diminished by others successes, tell yourself there's plenty for everybody - then go out and get some. Do it - today.