Whether you call it cheating, unfaithfulness, adultery, an affair, or marital infidelity, it causes devastating pain and major crises in marriages. Surprisingly, half of marriages survive infidelity and some even get better. Infidelity spurs 50% of couples who experience it to reassess their marriages and make changes, often with the help of counselors. About 15% of wives and 25% of husbands cheat.
Causes of Infidelity
The causes of infidelity are numerous and can be simple or complicated. Affairs occur in both happy and unhappy marriages. Usually, both spouses are responsible for the situation. The causes of infidelity include: a mid-life or pre-midlife crisis, low self-esteem, lack of love and attention given to a spouse, anger, boredom, marrying too young, peer pressure, the existence of an opportunity, disappointment in the marriage, sex addiction, as a way to leave the marriage, and even family expectations!
Types of Affairs
Sometimes adultery is due to an addiction to sex or romance. A new relationship provides passion, excitement, danger, sexual highs, romance, and either greater self-esteem or shame.
Some affairs are due to men who believe that extramarital relationships are something they are entitled to by gender. There is little or no guilt felt by these husbands and their birth families sometimes condone their behavior. There may be peer pressure as well.
Other unfaithful spouses are driven by mid-life crisis (i.e.; fear of aging), anger toward the spouse for real or imagined wrongs, boredom, or disappointment in the marriage or the problems of living. These affairs often happen only if an opportunity presents itself.
The newest type of infidelity is one in which the participants weren't searching for an affair, but got involved in a friendship at work or on the Internet that turned into an affair. This type of relationship includes emotional intimacy, secrecy and lying, and sexual feelings and actions. There may be peer (societal) pressure to participate in this type of affair as well.
The most serious type of affair is the one in which a married partner falls in love with someone outside the marriage, either unwittingly or as an excuse for leaving. This type of infidelity causes the most destruction of marriages.
Consequences of Infidelity
The consequences of infidelity include: divorce, depression, loss of trust, persistent anxiety, and an overwhelming feeling of loss. Many innocent spouses experience symptoms similar to post-traumatic stress disorder. Consequences of infidelity may also encompass obsessive thoughts about the details of the infidelity, suspiciously watching for indications of infidelity, ?fight or flight? symptoms, anger and accusations, and flashbacks.
Results of Infidelity
After infidelity occurs, the partners must decide whether to save the marriage or separate and divorce. Each spouse may want a different outcome. Counselors and psychologists will work with couples to assist them in making a decision and implementing it. Negative emotions and symptoms must be addressed and a ?safety zone? established. An atmosphere of honesty must be established with the spouse, while all contact with the partner in the affair must be stopped. The story of the affair must be told and its impact on the marriage addressed. Planning for the future of the marriage leads to healing, and, hopefully, forgiveness. Failing that, a divorce will take place.
If a marriage survives infidelity, it will become stronger and centered on the couple, not just on children; the dangers and temptations of infidelity are understood and addressed in order to avoid it; and the couple develops trust, renewed commitment, and shared responsibility for the ongoing success of the marriage.
Do you think that your spouse is having an affair? Many times, it can be very difficult to tell if your spouse is cheating on you. Fortunately, many cheating spouses eventually show signs of being unfaithful, most of which are associated with their behavior. Outlined below are some signs that your spouse might be cheating on you.
Your spouse joins a gym. This is a major sign when it is something that they never had any interest in doing so before. If you never had a problem with your spouse's weight before, why would you now? This could be a sign that they are trying to impress someone besides you.
Your spouse does not have time to sit down and talk anymore. Did and your spouse talk about their day? If you never seem to have the deep or intense conversations that you once had, there may be a major problem. Cheating spouses often try to distance themselves from their relationships at home. This is a sign that your spouse may be cheating on you.
Your spouse may act differently during sex and want to try new things out in the bedroom. If your spouse suddenly wants to try new things in the bedroom or if you just notice that the sex is different, they may be cheating. In fact, you may be left wondering where they learned that from.
In keeping with sex, your spouse may want to have it less. A decrease in sex frequency is a sign that your spouse may be cheating on you. As for why sex occurs less when cheating is involved, they feel guilty about what they are doing or they may be getting enough sex already.
They may also get angry easier and more often. Your spouse may also be touchy around you. This may lead to more arguments and disagreements in your relationship. Things you do may annoy your husband or wife. They may actually go as far as to leave the room. Be sure to observe the changes in behavior that your spouse has towards other members of your family as well.
They want to buy a whole new wardrobe, in a way, reinventing themselves. This works in conjunction with joining a gym to lose weight. A huge sign of cheating is when a new wardrobe is purchased and when more skin is being shown.
Unusual behavior when your spouse is on the phone is another sign of cheating. When they are talking on the phone near you, do they try to lower their voce or even leave the room? Hanging up a phone quickly is another signal to watch for. Be cautious of increased cell phone use, as many cheaters prefer to use their own personal phones, as opposed to family phones.
In addition to examining the behavior of your husband or wife, the behavior of your friends should also be examined. The friends you share together may start acting differently towards you. This is often because your shared friends might know more than you do. Even if a friend does not outright tell you that your husband or wife is cheating, they may intentionally or unintentionally show you the signs.
These above mentioned signs may be an indicator that your spouse is cheating on you, but there may also be reasonable causes for these behavior changes. For example, your spouse might want to look great for you and you alone, or they also may simply want to improve their health.
Since there are no guarantees that cheating could be going on, even with the above mentioned signs present, additional steps should be taken. These steps can and should include monitoring cell phone calls, viewing the cell phone bill, or hiring a private investigator. Never confront your husband or wife without the proper proof. Be sure to get solid evidence of cheating, otherwise you could be creating a whole new problem in your relationship.
Both Edtal & Jill Samuel are contributors for EditorialToday. The above articles have been edited for relevancy and timeliness. All write-ups, reviews, tips and guides published by EditorialToday.com and its partners or affiliates are for informational purposes only. They should not be used for any legal or any other type of advice. We do not endorse any author, contributor, writer or article posted by our team.
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