If you come across a word you don't know, look it up. My grandmother made that rule to improve her grandchildren's vocabularies and I can still hear her reminding me. Well, looking on the luminous side, if my dictionary is out of reach - or even better - in another room, I can increase my wordage and my exercise at the same time.
Because of the trips to my Webster's - okay, Grandmother - because of the sojourns, I've learned words that are fun to use just because of the way they sound. Ensconced means to settle comfortably; but if I say I was ensconced in a hammock, it sounds like I was doing something more important than relaxing. Loquacious instead of talkative; parsimonious in place of cheap; mordant rather than sarcastic - I've learned synonyms that make talking to myself sound much more interesting.
Then there are the words whose meanings I don't understand after I've looked them up. Pralltriller means inverted mordent. That's not mordant, meaning sarcastic. It's mordent, meaning an ornament made by a single rapid alternation of a principal tone with a subsidiary tone a half step or whole step below. I won't be using pralltriller often in coversations.
Yes, Grandmother, my jaunts to the dictionary have taught me new words. However, I'm embarrassed to admit they've also taught me that I've been using some incorrectly. Now I can't be perturbed when my husband comes home late. At first he thought that was good news, but no. Perturbed means troubled greatly. He's late too often for that to accurately describe how I feel; but I can be - and often am - disturbed when he's tardy.
Then there are the words whose misuse spread faster than the flu. When I heard a newscaster say, "He goes" instead of "He says", my husband heard me say something...defined as an expletive. Anxious is another one that's often used incorrectly. It means worried, not eager. Thus I'm anxious about anxious being misused. Scan means to analyze. I had thought it meant to glance at quickly and I wasn't the only one.
So many of us Americans used scan incorrectly that "glance at quickly" is now accepted as an "Americanism" - American English instead of English English. In fact, there are so many accepted Americanisms that my Webster's dictionary is officially titled "Webster's New World Dictionary Of The American Language". Ain't ain't in an English dictionary, but it's in mine. If they have dictionaries in heaven, my grandmother ain't going to like that. Neither is Noah Webster.
We are not the first to recognize this fact. In fact, wise people throughout the ages have seen just how prevalent this is. For example, William Blake, the poet, said, "We become what we behold." The Buddha himself said, "With our thoughts we make our world." These are just two of the wise minds that have seen this process evidence in action.
What words to use, then, that can create this kind of power?
Let's take the often used phrase, "Yes, but." In effect, what you are doing is trying to overcome someone else's opinion by suppressing it. In effect, what you have just done is completely discounted their opinion with the word "but." If you are someone who does this often (or even occasionally), it really blocks you from being able to communicate effectively with other people, and is also not particularly fair to that person. If you would not use this, you could simply acknowledge the other person's point of view and send the message that although you might not agree with the other person's point of view, you still allow the other person his or her full power. In other words, you don't want to disempower anyone else even if you disagree with his or her idea.
You can overcome this by saying, "Yes, and" instead of, "Yes, but." The word "and" is inclusive, and allows for both opinions to be present and equally valid. It also allows for much more open communication to flow, instead of blocking it.
Your self-talk, too, can be either and powering or disempowering. For example, do you say to yourself a lot of the time that you "must" or "have to" do something? This indicates that you think you have no choice in the matter, when, of course, you do. This type of self-talk disempowers you. If you listen to others talk, you sometimes also can sense this feeling of disempowerment in them.
If you want to change this self talk so that you realize you have a choice in the matter and thus to empower yourself, first, keep track of how often you say the words "should" or "must." These usually instill feelings of guilt or obligation, and thus some this empowerment to a least some extent.
Other more general words that also hinder communication are "never," "forever," and "always." First of all, it is rarely true that something is "always" or "never" true. There are almost always exceptions. Therefore, if you or someone else is using the words "never" or "always," you are generalizing and not truly handling the matter at hand in reality. For better communication, avoid this type of generalization when you speak with someone.
Another word it's usually good to avoid if you can is "try." Of course, if you don't know whether or not you can do something, then you are going to "try" to do something. You won't know whether you can are or not until you try something if you haven't attempted it before. However, for communication situations, it's usually best to avoid this word because if you say you are going to "try" to get a task done for someone, you are not committing yourself to it. Therefore, you should say you either can or cannot do it. By stating whether or not you can firmly, you commit yourself to an answer one way or the other.
The more careful you are with the words and phrases used, the better your communication can be. You'll find that just a little attention to these areas will greatly enhance your communications with others and may even transform your relationships in general. Watch and see what happens. You just might be amazed.
Both Knight Pierce Hirst & Kevin Sinclair are contributors for EditorialToday. The above articles have been edited for relevancy and timeliness. All write-ups, reviews, tips and guides published by EditorialToday.com and its partners or affiliates are for informational purposes only. They should not be used for any legal or any other type of advice. We do not endorse any author, contributor, writer or article posted by our team.
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