Print Article for : Wait Till Your Father Gets Home

Your Online Guide » Relationship Advice » Tips for Parenting

[W2]Wait Till Your Father Gets Home

by J Gardener, J G

Since the days of the Neanderthal, these six words have been spoken with a solemn undercurrent of doom, always meant to portend a terrifying fate, always meant to stop children in their misbehaving tracks, and fill their imaginations with horrible visions of Dad-unleashed from all restraints of human decency-visiting an unmerciful Armageddon down upon his unruly offspring, until they beg for mercy, and promise never, ever to do anything wrong, ever, ever again!

Eventually, in most families, those six words cease to terrify-because the reality of Dad's homecoming rarely matches the threat. But even today, one of our society's unofficial rules is that Dad is the family disciplinarian.

Thanks to advances in child psychology, and the efforts of adults to approach "parenting" as more than a naturally occuring condition, the days of the paddle and the spanking are becoming memories of a bygone era.

So, how is a dad supposed to fulfill his duty, if the implied threat of unspeakable harm is no longer part of his disciplinary arsenal? By using more effective and longer-lasting methods, that's how.

Misbehavior on a child's part can have a number of causes, but part of a child's "job" is to test his limits. He may consciously violate a rule, just to see if such behavior really will result in the threatened consequences. And if the disciplinary buck is passed to Dad, it's Dad's job to see that the appropriate punishment is meted out, in a calm, logical way.

Punishment is always most effective when it's a logical reaction to a violation. For instance, if a child throws a toy across the room, the appropriate punishment might be a specific period of time without being allowed to play with that toy. And an explanation of why throwing the toy is prohibited (it could harm someone, for instance) will teach the child that your rules aren't simply arbitrary; children need to know why their actions require governing, so that they can learn proper social interaction.

Punishment is also most effective when it's administered calmly. Screaming and yelling teaches a child to resolve conflict in a similar fashion. Calmly explaining and applying punishment is a much more effective way to teach a child the natural consequences of his actions, and a more effective way of maintaining the moral high ground; when Dad becomes unhinged, he tends to lose the logical thread of his reasoning, and punishment becomes-in the child's eyes-a power play.

As with all aspects of effective parenting, communication is the key. When a child knows ahead of time the consequences of his actions, then he can make a choice-to obey the rules or not. That choice becomes clearer, the more he understands why the rules exist as they are; if he's been shown the damage he can cause by throwing that toy, he'll probably think twice about throwing it, especially since he understands the punishment he'll receive.

www.positiveparenting.com has a variety of helpful tips for dads and moms who want to find effective alternatives to traditional spanking.

With communication and follow-through of the promised punishment, "Wait till your father gets home!" can still be a mom's best threat, even without its old-fashioned visions of The Dad-Monster, unleashed.

A client of mine absolutely loved to have meetings. Regardless of the topic, if there was some reason for at least two people to have any kind of interaction a meeting got called. Not only were there a lot of meetings but there would almost always be superfluous bodies taking up space in the meeting that had no real reason to be there other than to be ?informed.? Now, if decisions got made and things got done I would have had more tolerance for the meeting mania. But more often than not little got done at these meetings other than to schedule more meetings. It was madness, I say!

As a senior manager, I could have spent every working hour of every day in meetings. Me needing to meet with other managers or my staff. Vendors wanting to meet with me. Meeting with customers. Meeting with other organizations. Meetings to decide what meetings to have or not have. It was meeting after meeting after meeting. I had to actively control my calendar to say no to meetings that didn't make sense, push back on meetings where I didn't need to be there or where we could get work done through other means.

As much as I may grouse about meetings, some of them were necessary, beneficial and effective. Then again, there were those that were a total waste of time and could have been accomplished by some other means. The million dollar question then becomes, ?How do you keep the beneficial meetings and eliminate the wastes of time?? In my experience, there are several situations where meetings are generally more appropriate than doing through other means, as follows:

Getting buy-in or consensus on a strategy, direction, or decision ? Meet if you've got something that requires people being 100% bought in to the solution. For people to be truly bought in, they need to have an opportunity to influence direction, express concerns, or provide alternatives.
Team building ? If you want your team to work better together then they need meeting time to get to know each other, to understand relative strengths and weaknesses, and to want to help each other.
Celebrating a success or milestone ? Having an e-party just doesn't work. Let your folks get together for a milkshake and celebrate a successful completion of a project, meeting a critical milestone, or celebrating a holiday.
Delivering bad news where people will likely have questions ? No one likes to find out bad news by reading a memo. If you've got bad news that will affect people directly, get them in a room if logistically possible and deliver the message. It gives people an opportunity to interact as well as it being a more humane and sensitive way of delivering bad news.
What are some effective alternatives to people getting in a room together to meet? Try these on for size:

E-mail ? Great for dissemination of information and for some decision making that may not be contentious or controversial. Just watch for when a topic does turn contentious or controversial; you're best to take the discussion offline and get a meeting together for the relevant parties to discuss.
Web sites ? Also great for dissemination of information or for getting input
Audio/video conferencing ? Effective when logistics prevent people from physically meeting or when a person only wants to listen in on a meeting
One-on-one discussions ? Effective when a decision or direction can be made by just a couple of people and then others can be informed through e-mail or web sites
We need to interact, we need to exchange information, and we need to work together to get things done. Avoid falling into meeting trap and consciously ask yourself if there are other ways to communicate and get your point across.

Article Source : child and parent relationship

About Author

Both J Gardener & Lonnie Pacelli are contributors for EditorialToday. The above articles have been edited for relevancy and timeliness. All write-ups, reviews, tips and guides published by EditorialToday.com and its partners or affiliates are for informational purposes only. They should not be used for any legal or any other type of advice. We do not endorse any author, contributor, writer or article posted by our team.

J Gardener has sinced written about articles on various topics from Family Concerns, Family Travel and Parenting. Imaginary Greetings focuses on rejuvenating the imaginations in all of us. Make this Christmas magical for all your family and friends. Visit for the best. J Gardener's top article generates over 246000 views. to your Favourites.

Lonnie Pacelli has sinced written about articles on various topics from Computers and The Internet, Management and Team Building. Lonnie Pacelli is an author with over 20 years experience with Accenture and Microsoft and is president of Leading on the Edge International. See more at http://www.leadingonedge.com. Lonnie Pacelli's top article generates over 9900 views. to your Favourites.