There are lots of factors that help to build that mystical thing called a relationship: honesty, reliability, trustworthiness, charm, empathy, newsworthiness, ethics, outspokenness. But if you don't have them, you may find it hard to learn them. Without them your career as an online writer may be short lived.

Let's concentrate here on the key factors that I believe you can learn that will set your writing apart from 99% of the rest, and give you a head start in building relationships with your readers. These are the things you can put into action from today.

The absolute number one secret - and if you stop reading this article before the end the vital information you must take a way with you - is that you can't build a relationship with a list. Relationships are for people. You and me.

When I sit down to write Kickstart Today, I never write to a list. I write to Richard, who I met for the first time at a seminar and who sent me a Christmas card. I write to Pearson, who started out as a subscriber and soon became a close mate. I write to Margaret, who sends me lovely emails. I write to my daughter, who reads Kickstart at work.

Right now, for example, I'm imagining that you have asked me a question about building relationships through your writing and I am simply answering you. As your relationship with your readers grows and they write to you with more comments and questions, your need to imagine reduces.

Then, the funny thing is that I get emails from all kinds of other people saying 'how did you know that that was *exactly* what I wanted to hear?' Like astrological star signs there are only so many problems to go round. Write about one and you'll resonate with hundreds of people.

The more you can make your writing appear to be one-to-one, the more of your readers will imagine themselves as the one you are talking to. It is like a whispered aside in a real conversation - it makes the listener feel special.

Well-meaning experts, who often pontificate about online writing techniques, love to trot out a couple of 'truths':

1. People don't want to hear about you - write about them.

2. Your readers have to be trained to buy things from your recommendations. You must sell to them every time you write - so they know what is expected of them.

Forget it! Neither will help you build relationships with your readers.

The information that you provide in your writing is only one reason that people read what you have to say. Newsletters that are totally focused on topic tend to be quite boring to read. There is no personality. You can't build a relationship if you write like a text book. It is vital - especially online - to inject yourself and your life into what you write.

In my experience, so long as you are delivering the real information too, you can't talk about yourself and your life enough! I get far more emails about the personal things I write than about the stuff my newsletter is really about - and I love it!

The best ezines and newsletters balance both, providing a cocktail of solid factual information punctuated by the real-life soap opera content that keeps the reader coming back for more.

Talking about the everyday personal things that happen in your life is how to build a relationship with your list - one person at a time, because the same things are happening in your reader's lives. Each time your life compares with one of your reader's experiences, resonance happens and you've found another soul mate.

Then there is the vexed question of how often you should try to sell things to your readers. The nature of a newsletter lends itself to constantly bombarding your poor readers with offer after offer, but unless you have a great writing style and personality to match, it can be counterproductive.

Certainly there are newsletters that manage to promote multiple recommendations in every single issue - and a few 'interim' ones besides - but in the main they are from long established writers who have a lot of experience writing to very loyal readers. The vast majority of writers can't manage it without looking desperate, dishonest or lacking in ethics.

When I write my own newsletters, Kickstart Today in particular, I can sometimes go several weeks without recommending anything at all. After all, if I haven't been using or reading something worth telling people about it is usually best to keep quiet! That way, when I do mention something that I genuinely recommend, the response is excellent.

Frequency of publication is another factor to consider that can affect your relationship building with your readers.

A monthly ezine will have a harder job building a positive personal relationship than a weekly. And in my view, even a weekly is hard to build a close relationship with.

Once the writing bug gets to you and words begin to flow naturally, you may want to consider publishing at least twice a week. My own Kickstart Today started out life as a five times a week publication and the biggest complaints I ever got was when I reduced to 'just' three times a week!

So long as you hold your readers' attention, the only complaints you'll get will be when you miss an issue.

Of course, if your newsletter is full of other people's writing and doesn't have a personal style, then very frequent publication may be a bad thing for you.

Many ezine publishers still fill each issue with other people's articles. While that isn't a bad thing in moderation, too much can be. The whole point of building a relationship with your readers is so that they will want to hear about you, your life and what you think. Don't be afraid to give it to them. That does mean you have to learn the craft of writing, but the rewards are well worth the effort.

And when you do start learning to write, forget most of the rubbish that you learned in school or business. Write like you'd talk to a close friend, not to your teacher or business client.

Write conversationally, using conversational grammar (sentences CAN start with and, contractions are better than okay!)

Which brings us right back to the beginning - when you sit down to write, every paragraph that leaves your fingers is a conversation with one person who is sitting in front of you. An old friend, not a list. Relationship building has nothing to do with lists, it is about reaching one person at a time.