One of my friends recently became single. After several years in a loveless marriage she went through a divorce. Emotionally she is doing much better and is excited about having a fresh new start in her life. We went out to lunch several weeks ago and she shared with me that the worse part about being single again is all the advice on dating that she is receiving. She knows that her friends and family members mean well, but she does not feel that she is ready to start dating yet.

She shared with me that in a way the advice on dating was depressing her because it made her feel pressured into being in a relationship. She wants to spend time enjoying being by herself.

After our lunch I reflected on what she had said. The same people that were giving her advice on dating and encouraging her to seek a new partner were the same people that had been telling her for years to get out of her marriage relationship. I know that they mean well and have her best interest at heart, however they are also giving her the message that it is not acceptable to be by yourself.

Also by giving her advice about dating the friends were implying that she did not have the skills to form her own new relationship.

A few days after our lunch I called my friend to see if she wanted to come over for dinner with my husband and I. She started laughing and asked if I was going to try to fix her up with someone. I told her that this would be a friendly dinner to visit and that I was not planning on spending the evening giving her advice on dating.

She came over and we talked about the situation with her friends and family trying to set her up on dates. She was quite stressed about this and it was starting to affect her friendships. I suggested that she just be honest about her feelings and let them know that she would pursue a new relationship when the time was right.

After dinner we took my dogs for a walk. We stopped and spoke to a neighbor that was out watering his plants. I introduced him to my friend and we continued on our walk. The next day my neighbor asked if my friend was single. He also wanted to know if he could have her phone number. I told him that I would give her his so she could call if she was interested.

To my surprise they are seeing a great deal of each other. I was the one that was going to refrain from giving advice on dating and yet she is dating because of visiting me.