A. This is, indeed, an unusual situation, though it is very common with separated parents. Generally, the child living with the mother goes to the father for the weekend. But the effect of the meeting is the same: the child behaves queerly ? either loud and noisy or absolutely sad and silent.

Since you cannot do much about this difficult situation, you have to manage it properly so that it does not leave such an impact on your child.

As a parent, you can handle the child better than any therapist. So, there is no need to look for one.

There are essentially two different scenarios. The first is similar to our reader's, in which the 'other' parent is, in some way 'poisonous'. The second is when there is simply a difference of parenting styles between one home and the other. In this article I will just deal with the former.

How do you identify the problem? There are various features that suggest that. For instance, the parent can't be relied on. He/she promises to call or come, but fails to do so. This raises the hopes of the child and heightens the disappointment later on.

It often happens that the other parent either ignores the child or makes him fit into his plans willingly or unwillingly. At the same time he makes tall claims of love and care for the child. This confuses and hurts the child because the actions betray their true feelings, and children are quick to feel that.

An unreliable parent does not only disappoint the child but many times you have to change your plans because the other parent had promised to come and take the child but didn't turn up.

However, the worst scene is when one parent uses the child as a communication channel to the other parent. In such cases, obviously what the poor child is asked to convey are not nice things. In other cases, the parent spends the entire weekend criticizing the custodial parent, which is quite unpalatable to the child.

All children want to be loved and cared for. They can sense love and respond to it whole heartedly. But if one parent keeps saying nice things but behaves uncaringly then the child loses all sense of worth and belonging.

Unfortunately, parents who are this slippery, are often equally difficult to deal with through the courts. They are adept at casting themselves in a good light, since there is rarely any factual evidence to back up mom's complaints.

If you find yourself in this situation, you need to take some strong and decisive action. But it won't be easy.

First, explore the option of mediation or the courts. In such an extreme case the other parent should probably be denied access to the child. Of course, it will probably be more difficult to convince the courts.

The best you can get, however, is a somewhat clear agreement on the question of visits. You will have a clear idea of the exact date and time of the visit. But you will still have to handle the phone calls during the week and your child in the eventuality when the other parent promises to come but does not show up.

In that case, abide by the agreement and put your foot down if there are delays and deviations from the promised time. Give him ten minutes more and if he doesn't turn up, follow your own plans. Go out with your child and have a good time. Don't wait at home and sulk. Don't be available to adjust with his convenience.

It is advisable to maintain a record of such deviations and the harmful effect they have on the child; you will need them in the court.

No matter what happens, make sure you are always warm, positive and supportive with your child. You don't have to make excuses for the other parent nor should you criticize him in the presence of your child. Just enjoy the times when she is with you. Do your best to make life as normal as possible in the abnormal circumstances.

As an ultimate step you might have to think of moving out of the town or state to make the visits more impractical. But, before you decide to take such a drastic step, make sure your opinion about the other parent is not based on prejudices against him. Think objectively, or talk it over with a friend or counselor before moving out.