I have no idea what a router is. I was born blond. On top of that, I was born electronically challenged. When I was a child, I starred at the telephone wires by our house waiting to see lumps go through them. Having seen advertisements for sending FTD flowers by wire, I was waiting to see the flowers go through the wires.

When the waiting for our TIVO is over and it rises from the dead, I'll be able to see whatever I like whenever I like. What I like to see most are news and sports - live TV - programs without reruns or laugh tracks.

Laugh tracks, however, would be very helpful in everyday life. For example, it would be very helpful if I could say something like, "A funny thing happened on the way to the supermarket" when I tell my husband about his car. Then I could quickly press a little, red button on my handy-dandy, portable, laugh machine to keep my punch line from hitting John as hard as his car had been hit when I'd turned into the supermarket parking lot this morning.

There's hit and then there's hit. What's a hit one season is cloned next season. We already have "CSI New York" and "CSI Miami". Soon we'll have "CSI Your Town". Because of their success, soap operas like "General Hospital" and "Days of Our Lives" will go on forever. Unfortunately, reality shows and talk shows are cheaper to make; and they'll go on too long. In fact, I expect Burt Reynolds to get his own talk show any day.

Then there are the commercials that are better than some of the shows they interrupt. Eight minutes of every thirty-minute show is for commercials - opportunities for businesses to reach out and touch someone like me.

Two nights ago I dreamed a ghost reached out of my nightmare and touched me. When I tried to talk to this unappreciated apparition, it wouldn't listen. Obviously, it was a message from my subconscious. "You can tell a vision, but you can't tell it much". Oh well, until we get a router so we get TIVO again, maybe my family will listen to me.