Self-esteem is one of the many important things that all parents want to provide for their children and yet many seem to feel that they do not know how and what to do in raising a self-confident child. Very often self-esteem seems to be such a fragile, distant thing that many know but yet do not know how to develop it. Your self-esteem is a compilation of how you feel about yourself. It encompasses everything from your confidence in relationships, to your body image, to your work life. So how do we foster this thing called self-esteem in your child?
From time memorial, all of us have been taught honesty is the best policy. As much as we expect this to be practiced by our children, they do like to be reciprocated likewise. Children are highly sensitive and are able to sense it if and when you are not being honest. Hence, when it comes to dealing with a child's self-esteem it is best to be honest. For example, if art is not your child's forte, do not compliment saying that his or her drawing is the best you have ever seen. Your child will know it is not, and will not believe you the next time you say something meant to be positive, no matter how honest it is. You may like to try instead to tell your child something genuine about the piece of artwork or about the effort that has been spent. It is best to make non-judgmental statements such as, I see you have used your imagination in creating the flowers in many different colors.The statement is simply an observation rather than a false statement.
It is also important to understand that your child and your child's behavior are two separate things. This is not something easy to remember especially in situations when your child is acting out in ways that make you mad or that are unsafe. However, when disciplining your child for the behavior rather than the person, you can positively influence and foster self esteem. Why? If your child feels that you are mad because of him or her as a person rather than for the behavior, this can negatively affect his or her self-esteem. Try using statements to help with this. Say something like,"I do not like it when you leave you leave your toys scattered all over the floor." This addresses the behavior, rather than "You are a slob!" which attacks the character.
Letting a child make some choices is a good way for them to learn to be less dependent on others. Most children are constantly in situations where they are told what to do, when to do it, where to go, what to eat and many more. When children are given the opportunity to make some choices, regardless of how insignificant these may be, they learn to be self-reliant. As a parent, you would not want your children growing up feeling dependant on others for direction, would you? Simple everyday choices like what to wear (you can offer two or three choices) or choosing a special lunch item will foster your child to think independently.
In helping to boost your child's self-confidence, it is important that as parents, we must encourage them to develop their talents as well as to try out new things. Trying out new things help to overcome fears of the unknown and at the same time allows us to learn to deal with success and failure. If a child is never given the chance to try out new things, this can possibly create problems later in life. After all, we live in a world that is ever changing! Life is never constant, whether it is a move to a new city or starting a new career. Children who are experienced at trying new things, even if small, will find that life's bigger transitions like leaving for college and starting a career - are much easier to handle.
The first signs of this begin the moment the infant is born. It is the smile that the parents have after seeing the child for the first time, the first words ever spoken, the time the infant is able to stand and walk without any help.
Parents may not know it but even during this stage, the child understands the acknowledgement being given usually that could be through words or signs of affection. So, one of the most effective ways of building self esteem is by constantly praising the children.
Some experts believe there is a danger when the parent does this often. There are two reasons.
First, the child will get used to the attention being given after something has been done. Parents are just two of the billions of people on the planet and the person will soon figure out that the words of praise being does not mean that much to the rest of society.
Second, the young ones are not always correct. Some bad things will be done and unless parents do something about it, the child will not be able to know the difference between right and wrong.
Part of building that self esteem then should also have constructive criticism. This means talking to the child and explaining the things that were right and where it went wrong. There are always different ways to approach a certain challenge and looking back, perhaps there was a better way to do it.
There must also be a balance here because although the parent has good intentions in criticizing each move, this can further diminish the one's self confidence as the child feels attacked again and again.
Parents do both not to create the child into one's likeness as God did when man was developed but simply helping the person become a productive member of society that has rules and laws that everyone has to live by.
The third way to help build self esteem in children is in the parents. The actions being shown by the mom or dad also play a part in the child's development. Those who curse often will be surprised one day that the child will do the same.
Although watching movies and television have a role in making this happen, parents are there 24 hours a day 7 times a week which is a lot more time than a one or two hour show can ever do to a child.
Parents have to be the ones to set an example. If either mom or dad did not have strong sense of self worth as a child, the kids should not suffer the same fate. These people are aware of the mistakes before and will rather correct or prevent this from happening so this won't happen to the next generation.
It is never easy to bring out the best in a child. There will be trials ahead and those who succeed can be proud seeing the son or daughter graduate from high school or college and instil the same qualities when these people will also have children.
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