To prove she had the patients of a saint Grandmother taught me how to knit. Then all I wanted to do was hang out with my friends, but now I understand. When one of my days is turned upside down by a car with a dead battery, a toilet that's overflowing like a fountain or unexpected guests for a dinner I'd planned to microwave, I can knit. There's still a pattern to my day - a knit one, pearl two, yarn over and repeat pattern.

My first knitting project was a scarf. According to the pattern I was meant to knit for sixty inches; but I got carried away with my enthusiasm. You know the giraffe in the Toys R Us commercials? That's my scarf he's wearing.

The thicker the yarn, the faster the knitting goes. Plus mistakes are harder to see. Once I used thin yarn to make a baby's cap and the cap was a handicap for the baby.

No, my knitting isn't designer quality. That's why I try to think of designer names for what I make. I named the over-sized sweater for my stepfather Knight Shade. Knight Blindness was the iridescent pink vest for a friend and Knight Blooming was the shawl for my pregnant sister-in-law.

I went to the Robin Williams' school of knitting. I enjoy keeping people in stitches - other people. There are three reasons I don't knit for myself. One, I get tired of what I'm knitting before I've finished knitting it. Two, it's better to give than to receive - especially when you're giving things that have to be dry cleaned; and three, knitting yarn keeps me from knitting my brow into a Botox challenge.

After I knitted my way through my family and friends, I needed a new hobby. My busy hands became ecstatically happy hands when I realized the revered art of decoupage is just gluing. I glued pictures, maps, stamps, wine labels, postcards and more on boxes, trays and picture frames. Then I shellacked everything and voila - last year's Christmas presents! The best thing about turning my hobby into gifts is I'm sure no one has them. Plus - it gets the stuff out of the house.