So begins the parenting chapter of David Keirsey's Please Understand Me, II. Although "typing" personalities began in the days of Plato, nearly 2400 years ago, most of us have not been given the tools to understand one another.
When I was a child and was hurt or confused by a friend's behavior, my mother and grandmother would say "Everyone's crazy but me and thee. And sometime I wonder about thee." We'd shrug and laugh and that would be that. Knowing I wasn't the only one to be confused by people's behavior always made me feel better.
Realizing we are different, however, I wondered why are we expected to act the same? Why are introverts encouraged to relax and enjoy the party? Why are energetic children told to sit still and behave? Why are dreamers often pulled back to earth?
Would we be better off if we celebrated each other's differences instead of trying to change them?
In Please Understand Me, II, David Keirsey argues yes. As he writes on page one, "?people are different from each other, and [that] no amount of getting after them is going to change them. Nor is there any reason to change them, because the differences are probably good."
So instead of worrying that your child doesn't sit still or sits still too much, that she dreams too much or dreams too little, that she's too outgoing or not outgoing enough, relax. Instead, try to understand her true nature and parent accordingly.
Kiersey writes, "?overseeing Mother Nature's project, maturation, requires parents to become child watchers, not child shapers, acting only when they detect a teachable moment or opportunity to encourage the growth of some attitude or action that is consistent with the child's temperament?Parents must be able to answer the question, 'What kind of person is my child, and what can I do to help him or her grow in that direction?'"
So take a moment and think about your child. Does she thrive on physical action? Does she jump on her bike and race around the neighborhood? Dive elbow deep into finger paints? Play her guitar day after day after day, just to get it right? If so, according to Keirsey, she's probably an "Artisan" like Amelia Earhart or Barbra Streisand.
"These children shine in action?The entire range of fine and practical arts, and of competitive games and sports, will grab budding Artisans - they need physical movement and novelty, and they love contests," Keirsey writes.
If your child loves stories, prefers make-believe over physical play, is sensitive and concerned about others, Keirsey calls her an "Idealist" like Eleanor Roosevelt or Margaret Mead.
Idealists "seem to have a natural talent for relating intimately with others, or for what I have called "diplomatic empathy," he writes.
Is your child helpful, eager to understand and follow rules, unsettled by change? Is she the traditional "good little girl?" Perhaps she's a "Guardian" like Elizabeth II or Mother Teresa.
Keirsey writes "Guardian self respect seems to be enhanced when they are serving others. Even as young as five, Guardians can be seem doing good deeds, not only for their parents and teachers, but also for their siblings and friends."
Finally, is your child a collector of shells, rocks, butterflies, stamps? Does she love to push buttons, take things apart and reassemble them, master a computer game? Does she ask endless "why" questions, seeking to understand the way things work? If so, Keirsey calls her a "Rational" like Margaret Thatcher or Marie Curie.
"More than anything else, Rational children wish to learn how things work. They start their logistical investigations early and continue them throughout life," he writes.
After you consider your child's temperament, ask yourself, is she an introvert or an extrovert? Is she a "fly-by-the-seat-of-her-pants" type kid or one who prefers knowing what her day will bring?
Finally, which of the four temperaments best describes you? Are you an introvert or an extrovert? Do you prefer an orderly, well-planned day or an open and flexible day? Understanding your own personality may illuminate how you perceive your child's strengths and weaknesses and how they affect you.
In short, understanding personality and temperament can make you a better parent.
To read more about personality and temperament and/or take his online personality sorter, check out Keirsey's web site at http:keirsey.com. Chances are, you'll be glad you did.
You have just received a call from your child’s teacher explaining that she has noticed your child having difficulty in school. Your child is not understanding math or reading the way the other children do. So she would like your permission to proceed with testing to find out if he has a learning disability.
When this happens, it is always a good idea to meet with the teacher in person. Being proactive is extremely important to your child’s educational future. Arrange to sit down and talk with the teacher to discover specifically why she has recommended this. You may want to include the special education teacher as well, as she may be able to further clarify just what they are seeing that is causing them to question your child’s abilities.
One thing you have to understand is that just because a learning disability is questioned, that does not mean that your child isn’t smart. It just means that, for some reason, he’s either not able to access those smarts and is not “getting" what is being taught. Or, he may be having difficulty expressing what he has actually learned.
One indication that there is a problem might be that the child gets very good grades in math, but his reading is below average. He is not reading at the same level that most of the other students of his age are reading at. There is a big difference between his learning in math and his learning in reading. If he is old enough, there may be standardized test scores that also show that huge difference, and the teacher should be able to show you that information.
You may have noticed other indications at home but thought they were just “kid things". If you ask your child to do 2 or 3 things in a row, does he forget most of them? When you ask him a question, does he have difficulty expressing the answer? Is his room always disorganized? Does he have trouble socially?
These are some of the questions you might want to think about as you talk with the teacher and ask if she notices them in the classroom.
It is important you realize that by doing this, you are not putting your child down or complaining about him or labeling him as a “bad kid". You are discussing the facts of what is actually going on, or not going on, with his learning. You are acting in his best interest.
Do not hesitate to ask questions about anything you don’t understand. The teachers will not think that you are stupid or inadequate The area of Learning Disabilities can be very confusing and overwhelming to anyone. It is best that you understand what is going on right from the beginning.
When the teachers have explained the symptoms to your satisfaction, then it is time to find out what will happen from here. Ask specific questions about the testing, how best to address your child’s concerns and how to minimize any “stigma" your child might experience as a result of being tested.
Remember, you are the parent. And everyone is here to help your child.
For more up-to-date plain talk about learning disabilities, please visit us at www.ldperspectives.com.
Both Dede Perkins & Sandy Gauvin are contributors for EditorialToday. The above articles have been edited for relevancy and timeliness. All write-ups, reviews, tips and guides published by EditorialToday.com and its partners or affiliates are for informational purposes only. They should not be used for any legal or any other type of advice. We do not endorse any author, contributor, writer or article posted by our team.
Dede Perkins has sinced written about articles on various topics from Cover Letter, Interview Questions and Parenting. Dede Perkins writes on a number of subjects for a number of industries. She also runs a copywriting business,