Children love to go on sleep-overs with their friends - or to camps and other special events for kids. But for some children their fear of sleeping away from home overshadows the daytime fun - perhaps even to the extent that they simply won't go. If your child is struggling with such a fear, perhaps this will help you to help her.
First of all, you need to understand where the fear is coming from. Don't ridicule your child by caustic remarks, such as ?don't be such a baby.? Also, don't get into an argument about the problem with your child. This will only undermine your child's confidence rather than solve the problem. So, you have to begin by recognizing the problem. You have to admit that your child is probably as anxious to solve it as you are. Hence, think calmly and plan a strategic approach to help him.
You need to use the gradual process of desensitization to help your child overcome the fear. The problem may not be just sleeping away from home, but, perhaps, sleeping away from the mother. Children are sometimes scared to go to their own beds also.
Once you have identified the problem, start working on it by dividing the process into small achievable goals. Start from the point where the child is now ? that is to say start with what is familiar and comfortable to the child. Gradually take him to the next step. For instance, if your child would rather sleep on the floor next to your bed than in his own bed, start by putting him in his bed and leaving the door is open. If your child is comfortable with the grandparents, you may send him for a sleep-over to them so that he gets used to being away from home.
Then it is time to speak to your child and offer various options plus some incentives. Find out what he would really like to do and encourage him to go ahead with it. If the child expresses enthusiasm, make a note of it. When the opportunity arises, you may pick that option to begin with.
Now work backwards from the goal to the present. E.g. In order to be able to go to camp for 5 nights, you first need to be able to sleep away at the Easter camp for 2 nights. In order to do that, you need to be able to sleep at your friends house for two nights. Before you do that, you need to be able to do one night at your friend's, and before you can do that, you need to be able to manage your own room with the door shut.... And so on.
This is the general framework of the plan; you will need to adapt it to your own circumstances. After chalking out a rough plan, you can go to the present and look at the very first step. If it is facing opposition, you can break the first step into smaller parts. For instance, if your child refuses to move away from your room, you can coax him to sleep in the hallway on the floor just outside your bedroom door.
Decide on a starting date. Decide also on how you will celebrate success. Remember, make each step an easy one. Consolidate each step until she is ready and willing to move on to the next one (enticed, if necessary, by the promise of rewards earnt).
You will know you have failed if the child reverts back to the starting point. It only means that you need to work a little more on the first step itself before proceeding further. Try again with greater incentives. Some day you will help your child overcome his fear.
Above all, remember to give sufficient time to your child. Trying to rush him will get you nowhere. However, if you go about your plan slowly and systematically, and wrap it up with plenty of encouragement and rewards, you should be able to get there.
Usually, children love to go on sleep-overs with their friends. They enjoy going out on overnight camps and other special events where they are required to stay away from home for a few days. Somehow, some children develop a fear for sleeping away from home and they refuse to go. Here are some tips to help your child overcome that fear.
First of all, you need to understand where the fear is coming from. Don't ridicule your child by caustic remarks, such as 'don't be such a baby.' Also, don't get into an argument about the problem with your child. This will only undermine your child's confidence rather than solve the problem. So, you have to begin by recognizing the problem. You have to admit that your child is probably as anxious to solve it as you are. Hence, think calmly and plan a strategic approach to help him.
You need to use the gradual process of desensitization to help your child overcome the fear. The problem may not be just sleeping away from home, but, perhaps, sleeping away from the mother. Children are sometimes scared to go to their own beds also.
Regardless of the degree of the problem, you have to begin by identifying your child's comfort levels. If your child wants to be near you, he will prefer to sleep on the floor in your room rather than be comfortably tucked-in in his bed in his room. May be he is comfortable in his room if you keep the door open. There will be some children who don't mind going over to stay with people they are familiar with, such as grandparents or uncles and aunts. So, this is where you must make a careful study and identify the problem.
Next, get some cooperation. Agree on some tasty goal that you child would really like to be able to accomplish - like a sleep over for her friend's birthday party, or going to camp in the summer. Write this down.
Now work backwards from the goal to the present. E.g. In order to be able to go to camp for 5 nights, you first need to be able to sleep away at the Easter camp for 2 nights. In order to do that, you need to be able to sleep at your friends house for two nights. Before you do that, you need to be able to do one night at your friend's, and before you can do that, you need to be able to manage your own room with the door shut.... And so on.
Of course, you will need to adapt this plan according to your own circumstances. For instance, you might have to break each step into smaller parts and give ample time to move from one step to the next. Fear is a deep-seated illogical emotion; it needs time to work on it. Always start with what is pleasant and desirable and gradually move towards the goal. Start with what he is comfortable with doing right now. Then take the next step, such as moving from the floor next to your bed, to the floor in the hallway just outside your bedroom door.
It helps to talk it out with your child and agree on a starting date. Then think of a way of celebrating success. Make sure you do not set difficult goals. One step at a time is the secret of success. Remember that. Let your child be willing to move from one step to the next. Of course, you may offer rewards to encourage him.
You will know you have failed if the child reverts back to the starting point. It only means that you need to work a little more on the first step itself before proceeding further. Try again with greater incentives. Some day you will help your child overcome his fear.
It can take some time to work through the steps, but if you do it gradually and systematically, and combine it all with plenty of encouragement and rewards, you should be able to get there.
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