Existence seems to be unimportant and seems to consist of nothing. I know I have a reason for being, but what is that reason? Singing, Music -- who I am -- it's the way I feel, what I think. It's who I am. But is that my real reason for being?
I sometimes wonder why I was put on this Earth. Why there is such a thing as life and what made it so. It is the same cycle, nothing ever changes.
Life and death. Then there is the in-between. I am in-between. AT times I feel like I was never really born, I have just always been.
I want to be different. Who am I? I mean really? Oh, I know I am a girl with ambitions. My features are the same as everyone else has, only a different combination.
I know how I feel and what I think. But what is my purpose? Is there a reason for that purpose? Do I make a difference?
Is there really such a thing as God? I used to think there was. It was a whole feeling, but now I question that felling. It's not that I am against the idea of a God, but if He really exists, who is He? Did I believe just because I needed something to believe in?
I feel so empty right now, yet it can't really be explained as such. Sometimes when I am sitting quietly, little voices will run through my brain. I never know exactly what they are saying. They start out soft and end up quite loud. I have to shout "Stop!" so I won't hear them anymore. What do they mean? Am I going crazy? I don't think so.
Anxiety I suppose, or so I have read. I am a mass of cells --= a structure. A mind. A body. What makes me tick? I have dreams, but I know that is not what makes me continue on.
I am so afraid, but I don't know of what. My casual front is strong, but underneath I am tired, unhappy, frightened, and alone-- always alone. I am surrounded by friends and family, but still, I am alone. Alone in my thinking. Alone in my soul. I am part of no one, and no one is a part of me.
Belonging to one person. To be protected, and cherished. Becoming one soul, yet remaining an individual. Lasting relationships - very scary. Maybe that person will find out who I really am and hurt me. But who am I, really? If I don't know how can anyone else?
I'm not going through an identity crises. My feet are firmly planted in the ground. I just want to know my reason for life. For existence. Where am I headed and why. Is there such a thing as eternity? Life after death? Or do we just die and that's the end. I don't know what or who to believe in.
What is real and what is not? Maybe I am simply a shadow of something in another place. What is truth? Truth is what you choose to believe. But my truth may not be yours, and therefore either one of us could be mistaken.
What is real? Am I? But how do I know that I am real? Maybe I am an illusion in a game that is being played. I have been taught that what is real is tangible. Yet I am tangible, but am I real?
Reality is a truth, yet reality is not a tangible item. Everyone has their own concept of their own reality, or what they have been taught is real. But there again, it is someone else' truth. God is supposed to be real, and yet he is not tangible.
Does that not go against what I have been taught? Faith in God and people must be the only answer to these endless questions. I fell like a ship that has never sailed and is tied up. I want to see the world through my eyes, not someone else's. I am pitted against something, but what is that something? Maybe I am pitted against myself.
Copyright 1995
You cannot see your self - you can only see what you are not.
What you are is the very 'thing' that gives birth to all life, sustains that very life and then destroys that very life.
You are that which constitutes the energy that is forever arising.
It is beyond its own creation.
The creation comes and goes in cycles - all things pass away, seen and unseen, internal and external - they are transient, all of it is transient, everything except for the very energy (heart) that sustains it all.
You are not the transient.
You are that which is beyond the transient.
It never dies - it cannot - it does not - it just is.
This is what and who you are - the very substance that is totally alive and yet beyond its own manifestation.
If you buy into believing yourself to be that which passes away then pain and suffering are the inevitable result of that belief. That cannot be helped. It passes away. You do not. To put your eggs into the basket that is under the crusher is not a good idea. To get on the train that is heading to fly off of the cliff is going to bring you misery.
If you choose to put your energy into believing that you are something that you are not - what to do? Who is to blame? If you do not choose what is already true of you...
How to be what you already are? There is no 'how', there is only the being thereof.
To be that which you already are - to be that - requires your alignment, your choosing to be in the same moment that the backdrop of existence is arising.
The one energy, heart, that arises as all things which come and go, arises now.
It is you.
This is who you are.
What are you?
You are the heart that is arising in this very moment as all things. The same energy that is arising as your neighbour, brother, sister, mother, father, friend, enemy... is you. The energy that is arising as the walls of your room, the cigarette butt in the gutter, the gutter itself, the moon, sun and stars, the trees and rivers, the pesticides and poisons, the rainbows and butterflies, angels and devils, the white, black and blue brotherhoods... is you. In other words, everything. Everything. Absolutely everything, seen and unseen. All of manifestation is but a reflection of the living one - which happens to be you. This one is arising now. Right now. Right here. Actually so. Energetically so.
This is who you are.
To take the part to be the whole that you are, is going to result in pain and suffering. That simply cannot be helped. To seek to gain from the part what only the whole can deliver is only going to leave you in anguish.
Such is the way that it is - such is the way that it always was.
Talking about this great matter or thinking about this great matter is not going to cut the mustard.
Believing that you are the unmanifest itself is not going to have you home in the heart.
You must enter this very energy (heart) directly and then stay here.
This you can do. It is already true of you.
Nothing has the power to prevent you from coming home to the heart. Nothing.
The part has no power to prevent the whole.
You are already the heart. It is the unmanifest arising as itself through the manifest. It is true of you now. You can enter it (and enter it you must - thinking about it is not going to bring you into being it - no way, no can do).
It need not take a long time to energetically connect with your beingness.
Your desire to come home is all that is required. If your desire to come home to the heart is not strong then very little is going to change for you. You will settle for less. And less is what you already suffer.
If you still think that you can hang onto your belief in your head (or shmee) and be the heart as well then you still have some fundamental lessons to learn about how the part cannot be the whole. No matter how big the part appears it is still only the part. It was born and it will die, like all else and all else is transient.
Because you settle for less than what you already are you are left with the continual seeking for what only the heart can deliver.
The illusion cannot deliver what you are always looking for in the "great out-there" or in the "great in-there".
What you are has no beginning and no end. It is a continuity. That continuity is happening right now. You can enter this now and be this continuity. For that to actualise though, requires your surrendering what you have come to believe yourself to be. As simple as this is, it is very arduous from your normal mode of tendency.
What you are left with as you begin to align yourself to the heart.
Freedom.
The sheer pleasure of no longer trying - for anything. Always flowing from each moment with clarity to every arising circumstance.
The tremendous beauty of being the heart, informing your whole life. No rules, no regulations.
Seeing how this one that is you is also everyone and thing else. No doubt and no guilt. Endless clarity.
No fight, no problem. Constant depth of being home in the heart.
The continuity and exhaustlessness of being.
The freedom of the energy of what is beyond everything at all times (which is you) ? forever.
Sounds boring? *chuckling* Only the head would think that - particularly when the heart is not entered.
The indescribable quality of being can only be pointed to and all of this is simply a pointer.
Both Jaci Rae & Elysha are contributors for EditorialToday. The above articles have been edited for relevancy and timeliness. All write-ups, reviews, tips and guides published by EditorialToday.com and its partners or affiliates are for informational purposes only. They should not be used for any legal or any other type of advice. We do not endorse any author, contributor, writer or article posted by our team.
Jaci Rae has sinced written about articles on various topics from Parenting, Dating and Romance and Home. Jaci Rae is a #1 Best Selling author of The Indie Guide to Music, Marketing and Money and Winning Points with the Woman in Your Life One Touchdown at a Time. Book Jaci for your next show:. Jaci Rae's top article generates over 135000 views. to your Favourites.
Elysha has sinced written about articles on various topics from Small Business, Meditation and Alternative Medicine. Elysha, ?> a Heart Master who awoke as the heart on the 8th May 1992, gives you the exact. Elysha's top article generates over 301000 views. to your Favourites.